{ "data": { "id": 1, "title": "A Room with an Alan", "slug": "episode-1-a-room-with-an-alan", "episode_number": 1, "episode_code": "S01E01", "overview": "Steve Coogan plays Norwich's finest. Armed with programme ideas and a clump of cheese, Alan meets a BBC commissioner.", "description": "With his chat show and his marriage both over, Alan is now living at the 3-star Linton Travel Tavern hotel and DJ-ing for the graveyard slot on Radio Norwich. He is desperate for a second series of his chat show, so desperate that he keeps having visions of himself doing lap-dances for BBC Chief Commissioning Editor Tony Hayers, who he is going to be having lunch with to discuss his future with the corporation.", "first_aired": "1997-11-03T00:00:00.000Z", "intro_image_url": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/videos/smell-my-cheese-scene-320.mp4", "series": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge: Series 1", "slug": "series-1", "series_number": 1, "series_code": "S01", "programme": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge", "slug": "im-alan-partridge", "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/programmes/im-alan-partridge.json" } }, "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/series/im-alan-partridge/series-1.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-1" } }, "scenes": [ { "id": 1, "title": "The opening scene where Alan is in his sound booth at Radio Norwich, presenting _Up With The Partridge_", "order_in_episode": 1, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was _Big Yellow Taxi_ by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains that they paved paradise to put up a parking lot. A measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song. It's 4.25 AM, you're listening to 'Up With The Partridge'.", "dialogue": "That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains that they paved paradise to put up a parking lot. A measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song. It's 4.25 AM, you're listening to 'Up With The Partridge'." }, { "id": 2, "line_number": 2, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Cockerel crows followed by Alan with an \"A-haaaaa!\"]_", "dialogue": "[Cockerel crows followed by Alan with an \"A-haaaaa!\"]" }, { "id": 3, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And now it's time for one of Alan's 'Fact of the day': Crab sticks don't actually contain any crab. And from 1993, manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them 'crab _flavoured_ sticks'. Another one of those same time tomorrow.", "dialogue": "And now it's time for one of Alan's 'Fact of the day': Crab sticks don't actually contain any crab. And from 1993, manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them 'crab flavoured sticks'. Another one of those same time tomorrow." }, { "id": 4, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 35, "first_name": "Announcer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Announcer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Radio Norwich, the best music", "dialogue": "Radio Norwich, the best music" }, { "id": 5, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pray silence please, for the Electric Light Orchestra.", "dialogue": "Pray silence please, for the Electric Light Orchestra." } ] }, { "id": 2, "title": "It's the end of Alan's show, and Dave Clifton takes over with the breakfast show", "order_in_episode": 2, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 6, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Time now to hand over my breakfast host, Mr David Clifton. Good morning to you, sir.", "dialogue": "Time now to hand over my breakfast host, Mr David Clifton. Good morning to you, sir." }, { "id": 7, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And good morning to you, Mr Alan Partridge, sir. And I heard your phone in, and I liked your chat with the guy from Swaffham, he was a wacky fellow.", "dialogue": "And good morning to you, Mr Alan Partridge, sir. And I heard your phone in, and I liked your chat with the guy from Swaffham, he was a wacky fellow." }, { "id": 8, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah yeah he was. I actually think he was a bit simple.", "dialogue": "Yeah yeah he was. I actually think he was a bit simple." }, { "id": 9, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Heard you laying into the criminals again there, Alan. The vandals got to your car again?", "dialogue": "Heard you laying into the criminals again there, Alan. The vandals got to your car again?" }, { "id": 10, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "'Fraid so. Third time. Scum. Sub-human scum.", "dialogue": "'Fraid so. Third time. Scum. Sub-human scum." }, { "id": 11, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok, it's 7am, wakey-wakey, it's the breakfast show. Here's Yazoo.", "dialogue": "Ok, it's 7am, wakey-wakey, it's the breakfast show. Here's Yazoo." } ] }, { "id": 3, "title": "Alan has left the studio and is driving back to the Linton Travel Tavern in his car, which is plastered with _Cock Piss Partridge_", "order_in_episode": 3, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 12, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn on his hands-free headset", "text": "Lynn, message from Alan. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. Idea for film extravaganza, plot thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. He's being pursued by a cyber-punk from the past. Played by Rutger Hauer. Erm, terrible idea, no one will watch that. I've not thought it through Lynn; I'll call you back.", "dialogue": "Lynn, message from Alan. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. Idea for film extravaganza, plot thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. He's being pursued by a cyber-punk from the past. Played by Rutger Hauer. Erm, terrible idea, no one will watch that. I've not thought it through Lynn; I'll call you back." } ] }, { "id": 4, "title": "Alan has arrived at the Linton Travel Tavern and heads to reception", "order_in_episode": 4, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 13, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Singing Killer Queen by Queen]_", "text": "'Guaranteed to blow your mind!'", "dialogue": "'Guaranteed to blow your mind!'" }, { "id": 14, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good morning, Alan. How are you today?", "dialogue": "Good morning, Alan. How are you today?" }, { "id": 15, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Classic Queen! I'm very well thank you, how are you?", "dialogue": "Classic Queen! I'm very well thank you, how are you?" }, { "id": 16, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm fine.", "dialogue": "I'm fine." }, { "id": 17, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I like those earrings, are they gold?", "dialogue": "I like those earrings, are they gold?" }, { "id": 18, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, they're rolled gold.", "dialogue": "Yes, they're rolled gold." }, { "id": 19, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's not really gold, is it? Very nice. Like little tears, little wax tears dripping from your ears because they're sad. Don't cry ears, you're on the side of a lovely head!", "dialogue": "That's not really gold, is it? Very nice. Like little tears, little wax tears dripping from your ears because they're sad. Don't cry ears, you're on the side of a lovely head!" }, { "id": 20, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good show this morning?", "dialogue": "Good show this morning?" }, { "id": 21, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It was a belter, did you hear it?", "dialogue": "It was a belter, did you hear it?" }, { "id": 22, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 23, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Susan", "text": "Any messages?", "dialogue": "Any messages?" }, { "id": 24, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just the one, from Bill Oddie.", "dialogue": "Just the one, from Bill Oddie." }, { "id": 25, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Did he leave a message?", "dialogue": "Did he leave a message?" }, { "id": 26, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No", "dialogue": "No" }, { "id": 27, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, he never does.", "dialogue": "No, he never does." }, { "id": 28, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I'm afraid Susan I've got some very bad news. I'm leaving you, you cow! Bit of a joke there, backfired. I'm basically saying I'm going to be checking out at the end of the week.", "dialogue": "Well I'm afraid Susan I've got some very bad news. I'm leaving you, you cow! Bit of a joke there, backfired. I'm basically saying I'm going to be checking out at the end of the week." }, { "id": 29, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are you going back to your wife?", "dialogue": "Are you going back to your wife?" }, { "id": 30, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no god Carol, no god no. She's living with that fitness instructor; he provides her all her sexual, intercourse. Sorry I'm err, dry skin, I'm flaking again. I'm sorry about the cow earlier, by the way. You're not a cow. And if you were, you'd be a lovely Jersey. Ripe for milking.", "dialogue": "No, no god Carol, no god no. She's living with that fitness instructor; he provides her all her sexual, intercourse. Sorry I'm err, dry skin, I'm flaking again. I'm sorry about the cow earlier, by the way. You're not a cow. And if you were, you'd be a lovely Jersey. Ripe for milking." } ] }, { "id": 5, "title": "At this point, Sophie comes and joins Susan behind reception", "order_in_episode": 5, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 31, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Sophie", "text": "Just talking about cows. D'you like milk?", "dialogue": "Just talking about cows. D'you like milk?" }, { "id": 32, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 33, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Susan", "text": "Actually, can I talk to you, rather delicate matter. _[Reception phone rings]_", "dialogue": "Actually, can I talk to you, rather delicate matter. [Reception phone rings]" }, { "id": 34, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, excuse me. Sophie, could you deal with this?", "dialogue": "Oh, excuse me. Sophie, could you deal with this?" }, { "id": 35, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Err, Sophie.", "dialogue": "Err, Sophie." }, { "id": 36, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mr Partridge?", "dialogue": "Mr Partridge?" }, { "id": 37, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "As you know, the end of the week I'm meeting Tony Hayers at the BBC. And he is Mr. Numero… one, and the problem is I've got some rude daubings on the side of my car.", "dialogue": "As you know, the end of the week I'm meeting Tony Hayers at the BBC. And he is Mr. Numero… one, and the problem is I've got some rude daubings on the side of my car." }, { "id": 38, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can you still drive the car?", "dialogue": "Can you still drive the car?" }, { "id": 39, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, yeah yeah, obviously, but that's… do you know what it says on the side of my car?", "dialogue": "Well, yeah yeah, obviously, but that's… do you know what it says on the side of my car?" }, { "id": 40, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Tosser?", "dialogue": "Tosser?" }, { "id": 41, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No. You're in the right ballpark. No, it actually says Cock Piss Partridge.", "dialogue": "No. You're in the right ballpark. No, it actually says Cock Piss Partridge." }, { "id": 42, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Is everything alright?", "dialogue": "Is everything alright?" }, { "id": 43, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mr Partridge, erm, has got some rude graffiti _[Walks away laughing]_", "dialogue": "Mr Partridge, erm, has got some rude graffiti [Walks away laughing]" }, { "id": 44, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Graffiti? What in the hotel?", "dialogue": "Graffiti? What in the hotel?" }, { "id": 45, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Susan", "text": "No, no, god… There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the gents a couple of weeks ago I did see that someone had drawn a ladies part _[Alan draws a triangle shape with his finger]_. It was quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent, that's the tragedy. It's on the side of my car _[Sophie walks back behind reception]_. It says \"cock piss partridge\" _[Sophie walks away again, laughing]_, which is illegal. Is she new?", "dialogue": "No, no, god… There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the gents a couple of weeks ago I did see that someone had drawn a ladies part [Alan draws a triangle shape with his finger]. It was quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent, that's the tragedy. It's on the side of my car [Sophie walks back behind reception]. It says \"cock piss partridge\" [Sophie walks away again, laughing], which is illegal. Is she new?" }, { "id": 46, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, she is.", "dialogue": "Yes, she is." }, { "id": 47, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm basically driving round in an obscene publication. Love to get my hands on the bastard, _[Sophie walks back behind reception]_ or bitch, might be a lady.", "dialogue": "I'm basically driving round in an obscene publication. Love to get my hands on the bastard, [Sophie walks back behind reception] or bitch, might be a lady." }, { "id": 48, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Susan, can I take five minutes?", "dialogue": "Susan, can I take five minutes?" }, { "id": 49, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, of course.", "dialogue": "Yes, of course." }, { "id": 50, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Nipping off for a fag?", "dialogue": "Nipping off for a fag?" }, { "id": 51, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Don't worry about your car, Alan. I'll get Michael to sort it out for you.", "dialogue": "Don't worry about your car, Alan. I'll get Michael to sort it out for you." } ] }, { "id": 6, "title": "Alan bumps into Michael on the way to his hotel room", "order_in_episode": 6, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 52, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, talk of the devil", "dialogue": "Oh, talk of the devil" }, { "id": 53, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Morning, Mr Partridge.", "dialogue": "Morning, Mr Partridge." }, { "id": 54, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, Michael. I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you. Unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again.", "dialogue": "Michael, Michael. I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you. Unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again." }, { "id": 55, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Vandals eh Mr. Partridge, makes you wonder what is all aboot.", "dialogue": "Vandals eh Mr. Partridge, makes you wonder what is all aboot." }, { "id": 56, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aboot?", "dialogue": "Aboot?" }, { "id": 57, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, you know vandals, you know, what is it all aboot.", "dialogue": "Aye, you know vandals, you know, what is it all aboot." }, { "id": 58, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, about! Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people.", "dialogue": "Oh, about! Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people." }, { "id": 59, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You know, what aye reckon is, if thee had themselves proper jobs, they wouldn't be up to all this, you know, larkin' ev'ry night.", "dialogue": "You know, what aye reckon is, if thee had themselves proper jobs, they wouldn't be up to all this, you know, larkin' ev'ry night." }, { "id": 60, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 61, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What I'm saying is that, like if they had themselves proper jobs you know, what there 'gan 'til, then they wouldn't 'dee it. A lot of them's from broken homes.", "dialogue": "What I'm saying is that, like if they had themselves proper jobs you know, what there 'gan 'til, then they wouldn't 'dee it. A lot of them's from broken homes." }, { "id": 62, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry, Michael that was just a noise. All I got there was 'broken homes'. And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Look at you, do you go around drawing peep hole bras on the wall?", "dialogue": "Sorry, Michael that was just a noise. All I got there was 'broken homes'. And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Look at you, do you go around drawing peep hole bras on the wall?" }, { "id": 63, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, but it was different me like, 'cos I was in the army when I was 17.", "dialogue": "Aye, but it was different me like, 'cos I was in the army when I was 17." }, { "id": 64, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well there you go, they taught you a trade. Minor repairs. _[Lift door begins to close on Alan]_", "dialogue": "Well there you go, they taught you a trade. Minor repairs. [Lift door begins to close on Alan]" }, { "id": 65, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, that 'n' killin'", "dialogue": "Aye, that 'n' killin'" }, { "id": 66, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan forces the lift door back open]_ Really?", "dialogue": "[Alan forces the lift door back open] Really?" }, { "id": 67, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh aye. I've seen some terrible things mind.", "dialogue": "Oh aye. I've seen some terrible things mind." }, { "id": 68, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What like three men burning in a tank going 'aaaargh'?", "dialogue": "What like three men burning in a tank going 'aaaargh'?" }, { "id": 69, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ye wouldn't want to know Mr. Partridge.", "dialogue": "Ye wouldn't want to know Mr. Partridge." }, { "id": 70, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll be honest, I'm pretty curious. I'd basically like to understand man's inhumanity to man. Then make a programme about it.", "dialogue": "I'll be honest, I'm pretty curious. I'd basically like to understand man's inhumanity to man. Then make a programme about it." }, { "id": 71, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Anyway, regarding the graffiti, if you could _[Alan mimics shooting someone with a pistol]_ kill that, I'll see ye 'reet, me old fishy on a dishy.", "dialogue": "Anyway, regarding the graffiti, if you could [Alan mimics shooting someone with a pistol] kill that, I'll see ye 'reet, me old fishy on a dishy." }, { "id": 72, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll tell ye what I'll dee, I'll dee a quick fix on it for noo.", "dialogue": "I'll tell ye what I'll dee, I'll dee a quick fix on it for noo." }, { "id": 73, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've gone again, goodnight!", "dialogue": "You've gone again, goodnight!" } ] }, { "id": 7, "title": "Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone", "order_in_episode": 7, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 74, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Idea for a programme: _'Lady Shapes with Alan Partridge'_. I look at the changing shape of ladies through the ages. From fat chubby ladies of the Renaissance to hard-faced Cromwellian sourpusses. Right up to 20th-century well-toned women like Sharron Davies and Jet from Gladiators. Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed, it must not — repeat — _NOT_ turn into an all-night rave.", "dialogue": "Idea for a programme: 'Lady Shapes with Alan Partridge'. I look at the changing shape of ladies through the ages. From fat chubby ladies of the Renaissance to hard-faced Cromwellian sourpusses. Right up to 20th-century well-toned women like Sharron Davies and Jet from Gladiators. Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed, it must not — repeat — NOT turn into an all-night rave." } ] }, { "id": 8, "title": "Alan drifts off and fantasizes about dancing for Tony Hayers", "order_in_episode": 8, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 75, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Would you like me to lap dance for you? _[Tony shows a ten pound note]_ Uh-uh. I want a second series.", "dialogue": "Would you like me to lap dance for you? [Tony shows a ten pound note] Uh-uh. I want a second series." } ] }, { "id": 9, "title": "Lynn arrives and wakes up Alan to discuss the day's events", "order_in_episode": 9, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 76, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan is woken by Lynn knocking on his hotel room door]_ Fight you! Sorry. Come in, the door's open.", "dialogue": "[Alan is woken by Lynn knocking on his hotel room door] Fight you! Sorry. Come in, the door's open." }, { "id": 77, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just me.", "dialogue": "Just me." }, { "id": 78, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There's tea in the pot.", "dialogue": "There's tea in the pot." }, { "id": 79, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh good. _[Awkward pause and Lynn looks at the teapot]_ Do you want a cup?", "dialogue": "Oh good. [Awkward pause and Lynn looks at the teapot] Do you want a cup?" }, { "id": 80, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you. What have you got for me, Lynn?", "dialogue": "Thank you. What have you got for me, Lynn?" }, { "id": 81, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, I've arranged for you to see a show house at ten o'clock.", "dialogue": "Well, I've arranged for you to see a show house at ten o'clock." }, { "id": 82, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, good. Have you got my fungal foot powder? It's a life saver you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these.", "dialogue": "Oh, good. Have you got my fungal foot powder? It's a life saver you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these." }, { "id": 83, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I also rang all the companies on the product list you gave me. Foster's Menswear said yes if you get the second series, and you wear one garment a week on air. Monza said no to a free caravan and yes to a tow bar.", "dialogue": "I also rang all the companies on the product list you gave me. Foster's Menswear said yes if you get the second series, and you wear one garment a week on air. Monza said no to a free caravan and yes to a tow bar." }, { "id": 84, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll take it. Dolphin Bathrooms?", "dialogue": "I'll take it. Dolphin Bathrooms?" }, { "id": 85, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, they said they didn't do that sort of thing.", "dialogue": "No, they said they didn't do that sort of thing." }, { "id": 86, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's rubbish. I know for a fact Martin Lewis got two power showers out of them. One for him, and one for his brother-in-law. Right. Dry skin cream? _[Lynn passes him the cream]_. Having an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack.", "dialogue": "That's rubbish. I know for a fact Martin Lewis got two power showers out of them. One for him, and one for his brother-in-law. Right. Dry skin cream? [Lynn passes him the cream]. Having an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack." } ] }, { "id": 10, "title": "Alan asks Lynn to be Tony Hayers, so he can practice his lunchtime meeting", "order_in_episode": 10, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 87, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. So you be Tony Hayers.", "dialogue": "Ok, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. So you be Tony Hayers." }, { "id": 88, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello Tony how are you?", "dialogue": "Hello Tony how are you?" }, { "id": 89, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "(as Tony Hayers)", "text": "I'm fine. How are you?", "dialogue": "I'm fine. How are you?" }, { "id": 90, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oooh, very busy! I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war, but a happy one.", "dialogue": "Oooh, very busy! I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war, but a happy one." }, { "id": 91, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Would you like a second series of your chat show?", "dialogue": "Would you like a second series of your chat show?" }, { "id": 92, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think he'll be tougher than that, Lynn.", "dialogue": "I think he'll be tougher than that, Lynn." }, { "id": 93, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We might give you a second series.", "dialogue": "We might give you a second series." }, { "id": 94, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, that's about right. Ok, small talk. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony?", "dialogue": "Yeah, that's about right. Ok, small talk. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony?" }, { "id": 95, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, yes please!", "dialogue": "Oh, yes please!" }, { "id": 96, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Rolled on the thighs of a virgin! I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Enjoy it. _[Lynn does a false laugh]_ He might make that noise. Be a bit weird. Right. You said you might give me a second series. Why is there any doubt?", "dialogue": "Rolled on the thighs of a virgin! I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Enjoy it. [Lynn does a false laugh] He might make that noise. Be a bit weird. Right. You said you might give me a second series. Why is there any doubt?" }, { "id": 97, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Things have to be compartmentalised, Alan. For example, in this drawer. _[Lynn opens a drawer and notices some pornographic material]_. You erm. You have things. And erm, sometimes you have too many things.", "dialogue": "Things have to be compartmentalised, Alan. For example, in this drawer. [Lynn opens a drawer and notices some pornographic material]. You erm. You have things. And erm, sometimes you have too many things." }, { "id": 98, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Abandon that, Lynn, it's not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decided not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough.", "dialogue": "Abandon that, Lynn, it's not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decided not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough." }, { "id": 99, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well Alan, the ratings for the first series started poorly and went downhill from there.", "dialogue": "Well Alan, the ratings for the first series started poorly and went downhill from there." }, { "id": 100, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are you being Lynn or Tony?", "dialogue": "Are you being Lynn or Tony?" }, { "id": 101, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Tony.", "dialogue": "Tony." }, { "id": 102, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Be Lynn again. Can I have a second series?", "dialogue": "Be Lynn again. Can I have a second series?" }, { "id": 103, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who am I…", "dialogue": "Who am I…" }, { "id": 104, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just say yes!", "dialogue": "Just say yes!" }, { "id": 105, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes." }, { "id": 106, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you _[Pointing to pornographic material in his hotel room drawer]_ They were there when I moved in.", "dialogue": "Thank you [Pointing to pornographic material in his hotel room drawer] They were there when I moved in." } ] }, { "id": 11, "title": "Alan is so confident that he will be back on television, he makes a visit to a show home with the intent to buy a new house", "order_in_episode": 11, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 107, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 35, "first_name": "Announcer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Announcer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "From Swaffham to Cromer on 106.5, and now in Hemsby on 106.9, this is Radio Norwich.", "dialogue": "From Swaffham to Cromer on 106.5, and now in Hemsby on 106.9, this is Radio Norwich." }, { "id": 108, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Living room.", "dialogue": "Living room." }, { "id": 109, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh I like this, yes. Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here isn't there!", "dialogue": "Oh I like this, yes. Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here isn't there!" }, { "id": 110, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Swing a tiger in here really!", "dialogue": "Swing a tiger in here really!" }, { "id": 111, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You could, couldn't you yes! Wouldn't want to though. Not unless it had been stunned. Even then it's going to weigh the best part of a ton.", "dialogue": "You could, couldn't you yes! Wouldn't want to though. Not unless it had been stunned. Even then it's going to weigh the best part of a ton." }, { "id": 112, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "Do you like the room?", "dialogue": "Do you like the room?" }, { "id": 113, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, it's very nice.", "dialogue": "Oh, it's very nice." }, { "id": 114, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn's not my wife. She's my PA. Hard worker. But there's no affection.", "dialogue": "Lynn's not my wife. She's my PA. Hard worker. But there's no affection." }, { "id": 115, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": "to Alan", "text": "So, you'd be living alone?", "dialogue": "So, you'd be living alone?" }, { "id": 116, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes. In fact, the best thing that I ever did was getting thrown out by my wife! She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot!", "dialogue": "Yes. In fact, the best thing that I ever did was getting thrown out by my wife! She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot!" }, { "id": 117, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Is there a neighbourhood… sorry, I'm very close to you aren't I? Is there a neighbourhood watch system?", "dialogue": "Is there a neighbourhood… sorry, I'm very close to you aren't I? Is there a neighbourhood watch system?" }, { "id": 118, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think so, yes.", "dialogue": "I think so, yes." }, { "id": 119, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, well, I'll do my stint. I'd want expenses though. Otherwise people start taking liberties. Before you know it you're mowing their lawn.", "dialogue": "Right, well, I'll do my stint. I'd want expenses though. Otherwise people start taking liberties. Before you know it you're mowing their lawn." }, { "id": 120, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Shall we have a look at the rest of the house?", "dialogue": "Shall we have a look at the rest of the house?" }, { "id": 121, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yep. _[Lynn starts to walk towards the living room door, and Alan cuts in front of her]_ One more question. On the way here quite nearby I did see a community centre with a mural on the side…", "dialogue": "Yep. [Lynn starts to walk towards the living room door, and Alan cuts in front of her] One more question. On the way here quite nearby I did see a community centre with a mural on the side…" }, { "id": 122, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "School for the deaf.", "dialogue": "School for the deaf." }, { "id": 123, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. That mean there will be noise or there won't be noise? Difficult one to figure out, that. But they're just deaf, they're not deaf offenders?", "dialogue": "Right. That mean there will be noise or there won't be noise? Difficult one to figure out, that. But they're just deaf, they're not deaf offenders?" }, { "id": 124, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "They're just deaf.", "dialogue": "They're just deaf." }, { "id": 125, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Not you, Lynn. Stay here. Get on the phone, pester Debenhams for free lamps, free lampshades, you know, whatever you can blag 'em.", "dialogue": "Not you, Lynn. Stay here. Get on the phone, pester Debenhams for free lamps, free lampshades, you know, whatever you can blag 'em." } ] }, { "id": 12, "title": "Alan is touring the house with the estate agent", "order_in_episode": 12, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 126, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This is the kitchen, obviously.", "dialogue": "This is the kitchen, obviously." }, { "id": 127, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lovely. Has this kitchen been distressed?", "dialogue": "Lovely. Has this kitchen been distressed?" }, { "id": 128, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, it has, yes.", "dialogue": "Yes, it has, yes." }, { "id": 129, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. What's this? It's a cast iron egg tree, lacquered. Is that included? I mean it's not a deal breaker but I would like to know.", "dialogue": "Right. What's this? It's a cast iron egg tree, lacquered. Is that included? I mean it's not a deal breaker but I would like to know." }, { "id": 130, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Everything you want to keep here… can be kept or not.", "dialogue": "Everything you want to keep here… can be kept or not." }, { "id": 131, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Optional. What's this little sink here?", "dialogue": "Optional. What's this little sink here?" }, { "id": 132, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's a rinser.", "dialogue": "That's a rinser." }, { "id": 133, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, get rid of it.", "dialogue": "Yeah, get rid of it." }, { "id": 134, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Viewing the bathroom]_", "text": "This is the bathroom.", "dialogue": "This is the bathroom." }, { "id": 135, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again to me is a bonus.", "dialogue": "You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again to me is a bonus." }, { "id": 136, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Viewing the dining room]_", "text": "Yes it's an extender! Fantastic. That is the icing on the cake! If King Arthur had an extender on his table…", "dialogue": "Yes it's an extender! Fantastic. That is the icing on the cake! If King Arthur had an extender on his table…" }, { "id": 137, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It would have been a different story really.", "dialogue": "It would have been a different story really." }, { "id": 138, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well it wouldn't have been round, for a kick off!", "dialogue": "Well it wouldn't have been round, for a kick off!" }, { "id": 139, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Walking up the stairs]_", "text": "It's very Cluedo this house isn't it? Colonel Mustard in the en-suite bathroom, with a lead pipe. Battered!", "dialogue": "It's very Cluedo this house isn't it? Colonel Mustard in the en-suite bathroom, with a lead pipe. Battered!" }, { "id": 140, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Viewing the bathroom]_", "text": "I do like that toilet. It's very futuristic isn't it, very sort of high tech space age. I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that in the twenty-first century. Mind if I have a go?", "dialogue": "I do like that toilet. It's very futuristic isn't it, very sort of high tech space age. I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that in the twenty-first century. Mind if I have a go?" }, { "id": 141, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sure, help yourself.", "dialogue": "Sure, help yourself." }, { "id": 142, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mind if I have a go on the loo?", "dialogue": "Mind if I have a go on the loo?" }, { "id": 143, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh! Sorry! Yes.", "dialogue": "Oh! Sorry! Yes." }, { "id": 144, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I prefer to go alone.", "dialogue": "I prefer to go alone." }, { "id": 145, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sure.", "dialogue": "Sure." }, { "id": 146, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Most times, thanks.", "dialogue": "Most times, thanks." }, { "id": 147, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[After using the toilet]_", "text": "It flushed on the first yank! I love this house!", "dialogue": "It flushed on the first yank! I love this house!" }, { "id": 148, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan?", "dialogue": "Alan?" }, { "id": 149, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "One yank, gone!", "dialogue": "One yank, gone!" }, { "id": 150, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, that was Tony Hayers' office on the phone, they've put the meeting forward to 12:30 today.", "dialogue": "Alan, that was Tony Hayers' office on the phone, they've put the meeting forward to 12:30 today." }, { "id": 151, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "When did you get this call?", "dialogue": "When did you get this call?" }, { "id": 152, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Three minutes ago.", "dialogue": "Three minutes ago." }, { "id": 153, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So why didn't you… What have you been doing for three minutes?", "dialogue": "So why didn't you… What have you been doing for three minutes?" }, { "id": 154, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You were on the toilet.", "dialogue": "You were on the toilet." }, { "id": 155, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. Was I on that long? _[Alan looks at the estate agent for an answer]_", "dialogue": "Right. Was I on that long? [Alan looks at the estate agent for an answer]" }, { "id": 156, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's in that area.", "dialogue": "It's in that area." }, { "id": 157, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We're gonna have to zip.", "dialogue": "We're gonna have to zip." }, { "id": 158, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, ok. One more question about the house, petrol stations nearby?", "dialogue": "Right, ok. One more question about the house, petrol stations nearby?" }, { "id": 159, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Shell, about a quarter of a mile down…", "dialogue": "Shell, about a quarter of a mile down…" }, { "id": 160, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, has it got a mini mart?", "dialogue": "Right, has it got a mini mart?" }, { "id": 161, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mini mart?", "dialogue": "Mini mart?" }, { "id": 162, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Scaled-down supermarket, fits inside a petrol station. Sells pies, antifreeze…", "dialogue": "Scaled-down supermarket, fits inside a petrol station. Sells pies, antifreeze…" }, { "id": 163, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, it's got one of those.", "dialogue": "Yes, it's got one of those." }, { "id": 164, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "In that case you've got yourself a deal! I'll take the house!", "dialogue": "In that case you've got yourself a deal! I'll take the house!" }, { "id": 165, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, are you going to make me an offer?", "dialogue": "Well, are you going to make me an offer?" }, { "id": 166, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes of course, erm, how much is it?", "dialogue": "Yes of course, erm, how much is it?" }, { "id": 167, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's on at three hundred and twenty five thousand.", "dialogue": "It's on at three hundred and twenty five thousand." }, { "id": 168, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Err, would you take three hundred and twenty… four?", "dialogue": "Err, would you take three hundred and twenty… four?" }, { "id": 169, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah!", "dialogue": "Yeah!" }, { "id": 170, "line_number": 45, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How many bedrooms has it got?", "dialogue": "How many bedrooms has it got?" }, { "id": 171, "line_number": 46, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Five.", "dialogue": "Five." }, { "id": 172, "line_number": 47, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Five! God! My five bedroom bastard house! Right, Lynn. Let's go off to the BBC. I'm going to be back on TV. Don't know if you err… did you used to watch my TV show.", "dialogue": "Five! God! My five bedroom bastard house! Right, Lynn. Let's go off to the BBC. I'm going to be back on TV. Don't know if you err… did you used to watch my TV show." }, { "id": 173, "line_number": 48, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh yes.", "dialogue": "Oh yes." }, { "id": 174, "line_number": 49, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Did you like it?", "dialogue": "Did you like it?" }, { "id": 175, "line_number": 50, "character": { "id": 36, "first_name": "Estate Agent", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Estate Agent" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I loved it!", "dialogue": "I loved it!" }, { "id": 176, "line_number": 51, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "A-ha! _[Estate agent looks perplexed]_", "dialogue": "A-ha! [Estate agent looks perplexed]" } ] }, { "id": 13, "title": "Alan meets Tony Hayers for lunch to discuss Alan's future at the BBC", "order_in_episode": 13, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 177, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What if Tony Hayers sees 'Cook Pass Babtridge' painted on your car?", "dialogue": "What if Tony Hayers sees 'Cook Pass Babtridge' painted on your car?" }, { "id": 178, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Don't worry, Lynn. I'll play it down.", "dialogue": "Don't worry, Lynn. I'll play it down." }, { "id": 179, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[with Tony, entering the restaurant]_", "text": "You know it says Partridge I can understand, but then cock and piss.", "dialogue": "You know it says Partridge I can understand, but then cock and piss." }, { "id": 180, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Table for two, sir?", "dialogue": "Table for two, sir?" }, { "id": 181, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes please… no, sorry, you _[Pointing to Tony]_", "dialogue": "Yes please… no, sorry, you [Pointing to Tony]" }, { "id": 182, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, name of Hayers?", "dialogue": "Yeah, name of Hayers?" }, { "id": 183, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Like to follow me? _[Alan and Tony follow the waiter to their table]_", "dialogue": "Like to follow me? [Alan and Tony follow the waiter to their table]" }, { "id": 184, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We managed to rectify it though, it now says… by adapting it, it now says \"cook\" where it once said \"cock\". And it says \"pass\" now, where it once said \"piss\". So it's slightly less rude.", "dialogue": "We managed to rectify it though, it now says… by adapting it, it now says \"cook\" where it once said \"cock\". And it says \"pass\" now, where it once said \"piss\". So it's slightly less rude." }, { "id": 185, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Would you like a drink first?", "dialogue": "Would you like a drink first?" }, { "id": 186, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll… have… a pint of bitter!", "dialogue": "I'll… have… a pint of bitter!" }, { "id": 187, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just a mineral water for me, please.", "dialogue": "Just a mineral water for me, please." }, { "id": 188, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Actually, I'll have a mineral water too.", "dialogue": "Actually, I'll have a mineral water too." }, { "id": 189, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Will you be having wine with your meal?", "dialogue": "Will you be having wine with your meal?" }, { "id": 190, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Not for me.", "dialogue": "Not for me." }, { "id": 191, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people don't you? You know, wine this, wine that! Let's have a bit of red, let's have a bit of white! Oooh that's a snazzy bouquet! Oooh this smells of, I don't know, basil! Sometimes you just want to say 'sod all this wine just give me a pint of mineral water'.", "dialogue": "All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people don't you? You know, wine this, wine that! Let's have a bit of red, let's have a bit of white! Oooh that's a snazzy bouquet! Oooh this smells of, I don't know, basil! Sometimes you just want to say 'sod all this wine just give me a pint of mineral water'." }, { "id": 192, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't think wine is an elitist thing anymore. You can get good wine in Tesco's now. I'd love to make a genuinely popular wine programme.", "dialogue": "I don't think wine is an elitist thing anymore. You can get good wine in Tesco's now. I'd love to make a genuinely popular wine programme." }, { "id": 193, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can I just shock you? I like wine! Despite what I just said earlier. At any one time I have nine bottles of wine in my house.", "dialogue": "Can I just shock you? I like wine! Despite what I just said earlier. At any one time I have nine bottles of wine in my house." }, { "id": 194, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Really?", "dialogue": "Really?" }, { "id": 195, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Interesting fact.", "dialogue": "Interesting fact." }, { "id": 196, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's my weakness I'm afraid, I've got a cellar.", "dialogue": "It's my weakness I'm afraid, I've got a cellar." }, { "id": 197, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So have I. There's no wine in it, you know. Couple of bikes, some smokeless fuel, and an old bag of cement. Gone hard.", "dialogue": "So have I. There's no wine in it, you know. Couple of bikes, some smokeless fuel, and an old bag of cement. Gone hard." }, { "id": 198, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are you ready to order?", "dialogue": "Are you ready to order?" }, { "id": 199, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes I think I'll have the fettuccine all'arrabbiata please.", "dialogue": "Yes I think I'll have the fettuccine all'arrabbiata please." }, { "id": 200, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And. Can I have… the same. No, but with different shape pasta. What do you call those pasta in bows? Like a bow tie, but miniature. Sort of like an Action Man bow tie.", "dialogue": "And. Can I have… the same. No, but with different shape pasta. What do you call those pasta in bows? Like a bow tie, but miniature. Sort of like an Action Man bow tie." }, { "id": 201, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Farfalle, it's farfalle.", "dialogue": "Farfalle, it's farfalle." }, { "id": 202, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That with Action Man bow tie.", "dialogue": "That with Action Man bow tie." }, { "id": 203, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Anything else?", "dialogue": "Anything else?" }, { "id": 204, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I think I'll have some… wine, actually. Yes. Just give me half a bottle of Blue Nun please.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I think I'll have some… wine, actually. Yes. Just give me half a bottle of Blue Nun please." }, { "id": 205, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I loved your article in The Guardian, by the way.", "dialogue": "I loved your article in The Guardian, by the way." }, { "id": 206, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Really?", "dialogue": "Really?" }, { "id": 207, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I loved that phrase you used; it was very very clever, where you said revolution, not evolution.", "dialogue": "I loved that phrase you used; it was very very clever, where you said revolution, not evolution." }, { "id": 208, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, it was the opposite: evolution, not revolution.", "dialogue": "No, it was the opposite: evolution, not revolution." }, { "id": 209, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, you know, whatever. Because that is me. You know, because I e-volve but I don't re-volve. Or vice versa. I suppose what you are trying to say is, you don't want another Chris Evans on your hands.", "dialogue": "Well, you know, whatever. Because that is me. You know, because I e-volve but I don't re-volve. Or vice versa. I suppose what you are trying to say is, you don't want another Chris Evans on your hands." }, { "id": 210, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No that IS what we want.", "dialogue": "No that IS what we want." }, { "id": 211, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm your man!", "dialogue": "I'm your man!" }, { "id": 212, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's what I wanted to talk about, Alan. Your career. I can see a lot of very exciting opportunities ahead for you. Really I can.", "dialogue": "That's what I wanted to talk about, Alan. Your career. I can see a lot of very exciting opportunities ahead for you. Really I can." }, { "id": 213, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can I just say, this is music to my ears. _[Waiter starts to pour the Blue Nun]_ Whoa!, what are you doing? What are you doing?", "dialogue": "Can I just say, this is music to my ears. [Waiter starts to pour the Blue Nun] Whoa!, what are you doing? What are you doing?" }, { "id": 214, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm pouring the wine out.", "dialogue": "I'm pouring the wine out." }, { "id": 215, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I want you to pour a little bit, let me sip it, and then pour the rest.", "dialogue": "I want you to pour a little bit, let me sip it, and then pour the rest." }, { "id": 216, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've already poured half.", "dialogue": "I've already poured half." }, { "id": 217, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's all right. _[Takes the glass of wine and downs it in one]_ That's fine, fill her up!", "dialogue": "It's all right. [Takes the glass of wine and downs it in one] That's fine, fill her up!" }, { "id": 218, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Here's to our future relationship at the BBC.", "dialogue": "Here's to our future relationship at the BBC." }, { "id": 219, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. I just think it's time for you to consider moving on to new pastures.", "dialogue": "I don't think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. I just think it's time for you to consider moving on to new pastures." }, { "id": 220, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Have I got a second series?", "dialogue": "Have I got a second series?" }, { "id": 221, "line_number": 45, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There's so many opportunities…", "dialogue": "There's so many opportunities…" }, { "id": 222, "line_number": 46, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let me rephrase that. Can I… No, actually I'll just repeat the question. Have I got a second series?", "dialogue": "Let me rephrase that. Can I… No, actually I'll just repeat the question. Have I got a second series?" }, { "id": 223, "line_number": 47, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No", "dialogue": "No" }, { "id": 224, "line_number": 48, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you. That's all I wanted to know.", "dialogue": "Thank you. That's all I wanted to know." } ] }, { "id": 14, "title": "During the lunch with Tony Hayers, Alan meets Peter Linehan, who is revamping news and current affairs output at the BBC", "order_in_episode": 14, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 225, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Tony.", "dialogue": "Tony." }, { "id": 226, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Peter, hello, how are you?", "dialogue": "Peter, hello, how are you?" }, { "id": 227, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Fine, fine.", "dialogue": "Fine, fine." }, { "id": 228, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Erm, Alan, this is Peter Linehan he's revamping our current affairs outputs. _[Alan really doesn't care and shrugs his shoulders to make the point]_", "dialogue": "Erm, Alan, this is Peter Linehan he's revamping our current affairs outputs. [Alan really doesn't care and shrugs his shoulders to make the point]" }, { "id": 229, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We haven't met, but I liked your chat show.", "dialogue": "We haven't met, but I liked your chat show." }, { "id": 230, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you very much.", "dialogue": "Thank you very much." }, { "id": 231, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Has he given you another series?", "dialogue": "Has he given you another series?" }, { "id": 232, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, he won't give me one!", "dialogue": "No, he won't give me one!" }, { "id": 233, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Give him another series you swine!", "dialogue": "Give him another series you swine!" }, { "id": 234, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, give me another series you shit!", "dialogue": "Yeah, give me another series you shit!" }, { "id": 235, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, Alan I don't want you to feel… I'll see you later, Peter. I don't want you to feel the doors have all closed here at the BBC. If you come up with anything else, then please I don't want you to hesitate…", "dialogue": "Look, Alan I don't want you to feel… I'll see you later, Peter. I don't want you to feel the doors have all closed here at the BBC. If you come up with anything else, then please I don't want you to hesitate…" } ] }, { "id": 15, "title": "Alan drifts off into his fantasy about dancing for Tony Hayers", "order_in_episode": 15, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 236, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Would you like me to lap dance for you?", "dialogue": "Would you like me to lap dance for you?" }, { "id": 237, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Tony is holding a bottle of Blue Nun, laughing hysterically]_ Blue Nun!", "dialogue": "[Tony is holding a bottle of Blue Nun, laughing hysterically] Blue Nun!" } ] }, { "id": 16, "title": "Alan discusses his programme ideas with Tony Hayers at lunch", "order_in_episode": 16, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 238, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "…don't hesitate, if you have any other ideas, I'd be very interested…", "dialogue": "…don't hesitate, if you have any other ideas, I'd be very interested…" }, { "id": 239, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Got them here! _[Alan picks out a file from his bag]_ Right, ok. \"Shoestring\", \"Taggart\", \"Spender\", \"Bergerac\", \"Morse\". What does that say to you about regional detective series?", "dialogue": "Got them here! [Alan picks out a file from his bag] Right, ok. \"Shoestring\", \"Taggart\", \"Spender\", \"Bergerac\", \"Morse\". What does that say to you about regional detective series?" }, { "id": 240, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There's too many of them?", "dialogue": "There's too many of them?" }, { "id": 241, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let's make some more of them.", "dialogue": "That's one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let's make some more of them." }, { "id": 242, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "A detective series based in Norwich called \"Swallow\". \"Swallow\" is a detective who tackles vandalism. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. He's not a criminal, but you know, he will perhaps travel at eighty miles per hour on the motorway. For example he wants to get somewhere quickly. Think about it, no one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. This will put Norwich on the map.", "dialogue": "A detective series based in Norwich called \"Swallow\". \"Swallow\" is a detective who tackles vandalism. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. He's not a criminal, but you know, he will perhaps travel at eighty miles per hour on the motorway. For example he wants to get somewhere quickly. Think about it, no one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. This will put Norwich on the map." }, { "id": 243, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why would I want to do that?", "dialogue": "Why would I want to do that?" }, { "id": 244, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yep, fair point!", "dialogue": "Yep, fair point!" }, { "id": 245, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, \"Alan Attack\". Like the Cook Report with a more slapstick approach.", "dialogue": "Right, \"Alan Attack\". Like the Cook Report with a more slapstick approach." }, { "id": 246, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 247, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Arm Wrestling with Chas 'n' Dave\"?", "dialogue": "\"Arm Wrestling with Chas 'n' Dave\"?" }, { "id": 248, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't think so.", "dialogue": "I don't think so." }, { "id": 249, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pity, 'cause they were very keen on that one.", "dialogue": "Pity, 'cause they were very keen on that one." }, { "id": 250, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. Now, you'll like this. \"Knowing M.E., Knowing You\". I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. sufferers about their condition. Erm, you know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs make it light-hearted. You know, give them a platform. You got to keep the energy up. You don't like it, that's alright.", "dialogue": "Right. Now, you'll like this. \"Knowing M.E., Knowing You\". I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. sufferers about their condition. Erm, you know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs make it light-hearted. You know, give them a platform. You got to keep the energy up. You don't like it, that's alright." }, { "id": 251, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 252, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Inner City Sumo\".", "dialogue": "\"Inner City Sumo\"." }, { "id": 253, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's that?", "dialogue": "What's that?" }, { "id": 254, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground.", "dialogue": "We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground." }, { "id": 255, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No no, it's a bad idea.", "dialogue": "No no, it's a bad idea." }, { "id": 256, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Very cheap to make, do it in a pub car park!", "dialogue": "Very cheap to make, do it in a pub car park!" }, { "id": 257, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "NO!", "dialogue": "NO!" }, { "id": 258, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If you don't do it, Sky will.", "dialogue": "If you don't do it, Sky will." }, { "id": 259, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I'll live with that. Is that it?", "dialogue": "Well I'll live with that. Is that it?" }, { "id": 260, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no. Erm. \"Cooking in Prison\".", "dialogue": "No, no. Erm. \"Cooking in Prison\"." }, { "id": 261, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, no.", "dialogue": "Oh, no." }, { "id": 262, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons\"", "dialogue": "\"A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons\"" }, { "id": 263, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's that?", "dialogue": "What's that?" }, { "id": 264, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, it's just a title. Opening sequence, me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons going 'oooh god'!", "dialogue": "Well, it's just a title. Opening sequence, me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons going 'oooh god'!" }, { "id": 265, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I'm sorry, no. Stop!", "dialogue": "No, I'm sorry, no. Stop!" }, { "id": 266, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank\"", "dialogue": "\"Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank\"" }, { "id": 267, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No!", "dialogue": "No!" }, { "id": 268, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Monkey Tennis\"?", "dialogue": "\"Monkey Tennis\"?" }, { "id": 269, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There is to be no second series. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one of them.", "dialogue": "There is to be no second series. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one of them." }, { "id": 270, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Tony. I've, I've… Look I've just bought a house. It's like… it's got a Buck Rogers toilet. One yank, all gone!", "dialogue": "Tony. I've, I've… Look I've just bought a house. It's like… it's got a Buck Rogers toilet. One yank, all gone!" }, { "id": 271, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We don't owe you a living. You are someone who has a proven track record for making mostly bad television programmes.", "dialogue": "We don't owe you a living. You are someone who has a proven track record for making mostly bad television programmes." }, { "id": 272, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's bollocks, but go on.", "dialogue": "That's bollocks, but go on." }, { "id": 273, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's not bollocks. Your programmes were appalling. The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse…", "dialogue": "It's not bollocks. Your programmes were appalling. The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse…" }, { "id": 274, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Mimicking Tony]_", "text": "\"They started badly and they got worse. Ohh, your programmes, your programmes.\"", "dialogue": "\"They started badly and they got worse. Ohh, your programmes, your programmes.\"" }, { "id": 275, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Now you're making a fool of yourself.", "dialogue": "Now you're making a fool of yourself." }, { "id": 276, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Whoooo, whoooo, who do you think you are?", "dialogue": "Whoooo, whoooo, who do you think you are?" }, { "id": 277, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC television.", "dialogue": "Well unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC television." }, { "id": 278, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oooh, let's forget about all this! Do you want some cheese?", "dialogue": "Oooh, let's forget about all this! Do you want some cheese?" }, { "id": 279, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No thank you.", "dialogue": "No thank you." }, { "id": 280, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's quite nice. Smells. Do you want to smell it?", "dialogue": "It's quite nice. Smells. Do you want to smell it?" }, { "id": 281, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No thank you.", "dialogue": "No thank you." }, { "id": 282, "line_number": 45, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Smell the cheese.", "dialogue": "Smell the cheese." }, { "id": 283, "line_number": 46, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I don't want to smell the cheese.", "dialogue": "No, I don't want to smell the cheese." }, { "id": 284, "line_number": 47, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Smell my cheese!", "dialogue": "Smell my cheese!" }, { "id": 285, "line_number": 48, "character": { "id": 8, "first_name": "Tony", "last_name": "Hayers", "full_name": "Tony Hayers" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, please!", "dialogue": "Alan, please!" }, { "id": 286, "line_number": 49, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Smell my cheese you mother!", "dialogue": "Smell my cheese you mother!" }, { "id": 287, "line_number": 50, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think that's quite enough thank you!", "dialogue": "I think that's quite enough thank you!" }, { "id": 288, "line_number": 51, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Running through the restaurant]_", "text": "I've got cheese! This is cheese!", "dialogue": "I've got cheese! This is cheese!" } ] }, { "id": 17, "title": "Alan leaves the BBC building, heads back to his car", "order_in_episode": 17, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 289, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Bloody BBC! _[Alan notices people from the BBC sitting outside]_ What are you sitting around for? Haven't you got programmes to make? No, you're all on the BBC gravy train. Wish I was. _[To Lynn]_ Take this cheese.", "dialogue": "Bloody BBC! [Alan notices people from the BBC sitting outside] What are you sitting around for? Haven't you got programmes to make? No, you're all on the BBC gravy train. Wish I was. [To Lynn] Take this cheese." }, { "id": 290, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How did it go?", "dialogue": "How did it go?" }, { "id": 291, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've been bad, Lynn.", "dialogue": "I've been bad, Lynn." }, { "id": 292, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh! It's smelly.", "dialogue": "Oh! It's smelly." }, { "id": 293, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's got walnuts in. Let's go!", "dialogue": "It's got walnuts in. Let's go!" } ] }, { "id": 18, "title": "Alan sits in his car with Lynn, outside the house he viewed previously. Pondering on the day's events", "order_in_episode": 18, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 294, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I wasn't expecting that Lynn. That was a negative and right now I need two positives. You know, one to cancel out the negative and another one so I can have a positive. Oh my god!", "dialogue": "I wasn't expecting that Lynn. That was a negative and right now I need two positives. You know, one to cancel out the negative and another one so I can have a positive. Oh my god!" }, { "id": 295, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You know, one can find some strength, when you are at your bleakest moments if you open yourself up to…", "dialogue": "You know, one can find some strength, when you are at your bleakest moments if you open yourself up to…" }, { "id": 296, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn I'm not coming to your Baptist church! They always get people when they're down! I don't want salvation, I just want to be able to say \"I'm Alan Partridge.\" \"Join me tonight when my guests will be\"… I don't know \"Chris Rea\". Actually he lives in the area. Could have had him over.", "dialogue": "Lynn I'm not coming to your Baptist church! They always get people when they're down! I don't want salvation, I just want to be able to say \"I'm Alan Partridge.\" \"Join me tonight when my guests will be\"… I don't know \"Chris Rea\". Actually he lives in the area. Could have had him over." } ] }, { "id": 19, "title": "Alan acts out a conversation he may have had with Chris Rea if he lived in the same area", "order_in_episode": 19, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 297, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right, Chris.", "dialogue": "All right, Chris." }, { "id": 298, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_(as Chris Rea)_", "text": "Hello Alan didn't know you moved in.", "dialogue": "Hello Alan didn't know you moved in." }, { "id": 299, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, just moved in, last week. I'm having a barbecue, fancy coming over?", "dialogue": "Yeah, just moved in, last week. I'm having a barbecue, fancy coming over?" }, { "id": 300, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_(as Chris Rea)_", "text": "I'd love to, do you mind if I bring my guitar?", "dialogue": "I'd love to, do you mind if I bring my guitar?" }, { "id": 301, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'd rather you didn't, it's not that kind of an evening. Do you like Mini Kievs?", "dialogue": "I'd rather you didn't, it's not that kind of an evening. Do you like Mini Kievs?" }, { "id": 302, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_(as Chris Rea)_", "text": "I love them, but my wife's vegetarian.", "dialogue": "I love them, but my wife's vegetarian." }, { "id": 303, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Doesn't matter she can have fish.", "dialogue": "Doesn't matter she can have fish." }, { "id": 304, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_(as Chris Rea)_", "text": "No, she won't eat that either.", "dialogue": "No, she won't eat that either." }, { "id": 305, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Getting all irate with his own conversation]_", "text": "OH FORGET IT! You people!", "dialogue": "OH FORGET IT! You people!" }, { "id": 306, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Come on, Lynn. These people are starting to annoy me. I'll tell you something. They may have very nice Tudorette-style housing, but can they order an Irish coffee at 3am in the morning and get it delivered to their bedroom?", "dialogue": "Come on, Lynn. These people are starting to annoy me. I'll tell you something. They may have very nice Tudorette-style housing, but can they order an Irish coffee at 3am in the morning and get it delivered to their bedroom?" }, { "id": 307, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Nope.", "dialogue": "Nope." }, { "id": 308, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Nope, I can. I'll drop you at a cab rank.", "dialogue": "Nope, I can. I'll drop you at a cab rank." } ] }, { "id": 20, "title": "Alan is back at his hotel room, listening to 'Jet' by Wings. He calls room service to order an Irish coffee to be delivered to his room (they obviously respond with 'no' to all of his requests)", "order_in_episode": 20, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 309, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Room Service", "text": "Hi, erm, can I have an Irish coffee delivered to the room please? No? Right. Tea? Erm, can of Fanta? Minibar, no I'll get it myself.", "dialogue": "Hi, erm, can I have an Irish coffee delivered to the room please? No? Right. Tea? Erm, can of Fanta? Minibar, no I'll get it myself." }, { "id": 310, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Jet! Jet! Jet! Right… minibar!", "dialogue": "Jet! Jet! Jet! Right… minibar!" } ] }, { "id": 21, "title": "Alan is back in the studio doing his breakfast show, sporting a black eye after attempting to open the minibar by jumping from his bed. He is interviewing Stephen Brai, whose father invented cats eyes", "order_in_episode": 21, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 311, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to his listeners", "text": "Kate Bush there, the lovely Kate Bush. With \"The Man With The Child In His Eyes\". Which brings us on very neatly to my next guest, Mr Stephen Brai, whose father invented Cats Eyes. Stephen, what was it like living with the… being the son of the man who invented Cats Eyes?", "dialogue": "Kate Bush there, the lovely Kate Bush. With \"The Man With The Child In His Eyes\". Which brings us on very neatly to my next guest, Mr Stephen Brai, whose father invented Cats Eyes. Stephen, what was it like living with the… being the son of the man who invented Cats Eyes?" }, { "id": 312, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 22, "first_name": "Stephen", "last_name": "Brai", "full_name": "Stephen Brai" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I remember he came home from work one night, very excited that he…", "dialogue": "Well I remember he came home from work one night, very excited that he…" }, { "id": 313, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "People want to err… did he ever turn all the lights off in the house and run towards you with a torch, hoping to try and catch the reflection in your eyes?", "dialogue": "People want to err… did he ever turn all the lights off in the house and run towards you with a torch, hoping to try and catch the reflection in your eyes?" }, { "id": 314, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 22, "first_name": "Stephen", "last_name": "Brai", "full_name": "Stephen Brai" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well the idea of reflection of course is what dad was interested in, the idea of…", "dialogue": "Well the idea of reflection of course is what dad was interested in, the idea of…" }, { "id": 315, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can I just interrupt you there, Stephen? Time now for \"Alan's Fact of the Day\": Most Cornflakes come from the USA. Well another one of those again tomorrow. I remember I hit a fox once. Yes, in the Peak District. I remember seeing the reflection in his eyes just before I hit him. It was too late of course, but I didn't quite kill him, that was the tragedy. I had to go back and finish him off with a jack. This is Huey Lewis and The News _[Kate Bush plays]_ No it's not, it's Kate Bush. What am I doing?… It's Huey Lewis. There we go! _[Mike Oldfield plays]_ Oh, Christ. Sorry. _[Cockerel crows followed by an \"Ah-ha!\"]_ No, sorry about that.", "dialogue": "Can I just interrupt you there, Stephen? Time now for \"Alan's Fact of the Day\": Most Cornflakes come from the USA. Well another one of those again tomorrow. I remember I hit a fox once. Yes, in the Peak District. I remember seeing the reflection in his eyes just before I hit him. It was too late of course, but I didn't quite kill him, that was the tragedy. I had to go back and finish him off with a jack. This is Huey Lewis and The News [Kate Bush plays] No it's not, it's Kate Bush. What am I doing?… It's Huey Lewis. There we go! [Mike Oldfield plays] Oh, Christ. Sorry. [Cockerel crows followed by an \"Ah-ha!\"] No, sorry about that." } ] } ], "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/episodes/im-alan-partridge/series-1/episode-1-a-room-with-an-alan.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-1/episode-1-a-room-with-an-alan" } } }