{ "data": { "id": 3, "title": "Watership Alan", "slug": "episode-3-watership-alan", "episode_number": 3, "episode_code": "S01E03", "overview": "Alan pays the price when he insults Norfolk's farmers on his radio show, and gets into even more difficulty when he accepts the job of fronting a boating holiday promotional video.", "description": "Alan has a new gig presenting videos for Hamilton's Water Breaks, a local boating holiday firm. However this is being jeopardised by local farmers, who he has incurred the wrath of after making insulting remarks about farming practices on his radio show.", "first_aired": "1997-11-17T00:00:00.000Z", "intro_image_url": null, "series": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge: Series 1", "slug": "series-1", "series_number": 1, "series_code": "S01", "programme": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge", "slug": "im-alan-partridge", "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/programmes/im-alan-partridge" } }, "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/series/im-alan-partridge/series-1", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-1" } }, "scenes": [ { "id": 37, "title": "Alan is in the Radio Norwich studio pottering around while a farmer is talking on his phone in \"This Morning's Farmer\"", "order_in_episode": 1, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 621, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Then we bring the cows in, get them milked by 6AM…", "dialogue": "Then we bring the cows in, get them milked by 6AM…" }, { "id": 622, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're listening to \"This Morning's Farmer\". Go on, you were talking about cow bringing-in.", "dialogue": "You're listening to \"This Morning's Farmer\". Go on, you were talking about cow bringing-in." }, { "id": 623, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah we bringing them in for milkin', then all that can go…", "dialogue": "Yeah we bringing them in for milkin', then all that can go…" }, { "id": 624, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pop the straitjacket on them?", "dialogue": "Pop the straitjacket on them?" }, { "id": 625, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 626, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thanks very much for being \"This Morning's Farmer\", Robert Moon. Robert, did you have your breakfast this morning?", "dialogue": "Thanks very much for being \"This Morning's Farmer\", Robert Moon. Robert, did you have your breakfast this morning?" }, { "id": 627, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I reckon the way things are going…", "dialogue": "Well I reckon the way things are going…" }, { "id": 628, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can you just answer 'yes' for the purposes of a joke?", "dialogue": "Can you just answer 'yes' for the purposes of a joke?" }, { "id": 629, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes." }, { "id": 630, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "In which case you must be a 'full moon'. Hello?", "dialogue": "In which case you must be a 'full moon'. Hello?" }, { "id": 631, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Still 'ere.", "dialogue": "Still 'ere." }, { "id": 632, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I was making a pun on your name.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I was making a pun on your name." }, { "id": 633, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh right.", "dialogue": "Oh right." }, { "id": 634, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Anyway, thank you very much for being \"This Morning's Farmer\".", "dialogue": "Anyway, thank you very much for being \"This Morning's Farmer\"." }, { "id": 635, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry about that. Robert a bit slow on the uptake there. Don't know what he had for breakfast. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Just making a quick joke there about how infected cattle feed can attack the central nervous system. It's just coming up to 5:35 AM. Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk.", "dialogue": "Sorry about that. Robert a bit slow on the uptake there. Don't know what he had for breakfast. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Just making a quick joke there about how infected cattle feed can attack the central nervous system. It's just coming up to 5:35 AM. Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk." } ] }, { "id": 38, "title": "Still in the studio, Alan continues with his phone-in competition \"Cock-a-doodle Who\" which turns into an angry phone-in", "order_in_episode": 2, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 636, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let's get back to \"Cock-a-doodle Who!\" _[Sound bite of a cockerel crowing with Alan at the end saying 'who']_ And I asked, who invented the skip? Jack on line two.", "dialogue": "Let's get back to \"Cock-a-doodle Who!\" [Sound bite of a cockerel crowing with Alan at the end saying 'who'] And I asked, who invented the skip? Jack on line two." }, { "id": 637, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Morning Alan. Err. Look.", "dialogue": "Morning Alan. Err. Look." }, { "id": 638, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good morning.", "dialogue": "Good morning." }, { "id": 639, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I just wanted to say your comments earlier about farmers was ignorant and offensive.", "dialogue": "I just wanted to say your comments earlier about farmers was ignorant and offensive." }, { "id": 640, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who invented the skip?", "dialogue": "Who invented the skip?" }, { "id": 641, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't care who invented the skip, I think it's way out of order…", "dialogue": "I don't care who invented the skip, I think it's way out of order…" }, { "id": 642, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who invented the skip?", "dialogue": "Who invented the skip?" }, { "id": 643, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "…you speak like a man who has no knowledge…", "dialogue": "…you speak like a man who has no knowledge…" }, { "id": 644, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who invented the skip?", "dialogue": "Who invented the skip?" }, { "id": 645, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "…of his subject you are talking about, right.", "dialogue": "…of his subject you are talking about, right." }, { "id": 646, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who invented the skip?", "dialogue": "Who invented the skip?" }, { "id": 647, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't know who invented the bloody skip, Bobby Moore, I don't bloody know do I? I'm just sick and tired of you slagging farmers off. Are you going to apologise to them all on your show. Are ye?", "dialogue": "I don't know who invented the bloody skip, Bobby Moore, I don't bloody know do I? I'm just sick and tired of you slagging farmers off. Are you going to apologise to them all on your show. Are ye?" }, { "id": 648, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Come on, I mean you must know some of the rotten rubbish you produce. I mean tongue for example. Who eats tongue for goodness sake? Imagine a tongue sticking out of a sesame seed cob?", "dialogue": "Come on, I mean you must know some of the rotten rubbish you produce. I mean tongue for example. Who eats tongue for goodness sake? Imagine a tongue sticking out of a sesame seed cob?" }, { "id": 649, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Listen, you make these comments without any real knowledge about the pressures that we're under. I just didn't find it very funny that's all.", "dialogue": "Listen, you make these comments without any real knowledge about the pressures that we're under. I just didn't find it very funny that's all." }, { "id": 650, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I wouldn't eat one of your tomatoes if it came up and said \"eat me\". Which is not unlikely, considering all the rubbish you stick in 'em.", "dialogue": "Well I wouldn't eat one of your tomatoes if it came up and said \"eat me\". Which is not unlikely, considering all the rubbish you stick in 'em." }, { "id": 651, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 31, "first_name": "Jack", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Jack" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You ignorant shi-! _[Alan hits the sound bite button for the cockerel crowing]_", "dialogue": "You ignorant shi-! [Alan hits the sound bite button for the cockerel crowing]" } ] }, { "id": 39, "title": "Alan continues with his phone-in. With his hand ready on the sound effects button to cut out any expletives", "order_in_episode": 3, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 652, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Caroline, line four. Hello.", "dialogue": "Caroline, line four. Hello." }, { "id": 653, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 32, "first_name": "Caroline", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Caroline" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, Alan.", "dialogue": "Hello, Alan." }, { "id": 654, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello.", "dialogue": "Hello." }, { "id": 655, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 32, "first_name": "Caroline", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Caroline" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello yeah, have you got a brain or is your head just full of shi-? _[Alan hits the sound bite button for a cow mooing]_", "dialogue": "Hello yeah, have you got a brain or is your head just full of shi-? [Alan hits the sound bite button for a cow mooing]" }, { "id": 656, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok, Mike from Polgrave, are you there sir?", "dialogue": "Ok, Mike from Polgrave, are you there sir?" }, { "id": 657, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 19, "first_name": "Mike", "last_name": "Sampson", "full_name": "Mike Sampson" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh you ignorant cu-! _[Alan hits the sound bite button for a fanfare]_", "dialogue": "Oh you ignorant cu-! [Alan hits the sound bite button for a fanfare]" } ] }, { "id": 40, "title": "In his hotel room, Alan is exercising while singing \"Melting Pot\". Michael is present, cleaning out an air vent", "order_in_episode": 4, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 658, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Take a pinch of white man, wrap him up in black skin\", what's the next bit?", "dialogue": "\"Take a pinch of white man, wrap him up in black skin\", what's the next bit?" }, { "id": 659, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Err, \"add a dash of blue blood\"", "dialogue": "Err, \"add a dash of blue blood\"" }, { "id": 660, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Add a dash of blue blood\"", "dialogue": "\"Add a dash of blue blood\"" }, { "id": 661, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And a \"liddle biddy bit Red Indian boy\"", "dialogue": "And a \"liddle biddy bit Red Indian boy\"" }, { "id": 662, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"And, something else in Geordie\"", "dialogue": "\"And, something else in Geordie\"" }, { "id": 663, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This hasn't been cleaned out for years. Hey, there's a little Japanese soldier in here still fightin' the war!", "dialogue": "This hasn't been cleaned out for years. Hey, there's a little Japanese soldier in here still fightin' the war!" }, { "id": 664, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You daft racist!", "dialogue": "You daft racist!" }, { "id": 665, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Curly black and kinky, mixed with yellow chinky\". Can you still say that?", "dialogue": "\"Curly black and kinky, mixed with yellow chinky\". Can you still say that?" }, { "id": 666, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh you're alright with that like, 'cause it's a race of people, and it's a food.", "dialogue": "Oh you're alright with that like, 'cause it's a race of people, and it's a food." }, { "id": 667, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Chinese. Yeah, you're absolutely right.", "dialogue": "Chinese. Yeah, you're absolutely right." } ] }, { "id": 41, "title": "Alan receives a phone call from a prospective corporate gig", "order_in_episode": 5, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 668, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Partridge? Yes I'll hold _[Turns to Michael]_ I'm possibly up for presenting a \"Hamilton's Water Breaks\" video. You know, on the Norfolk Broads? I tell you how I found out about this job, Bill Oddie… _[Continues his phone call]_ Hello? Yes. No, the last corporate job I did was for err, a company that makes toner for photocopiers. No, no I was dressed as an exclamation mark. I walked out after five minutes it was demeaning. Had to flag a cab dressed up, which helped actually. Well I'll be delighted to do the job. Hang on, you can't book me and ask me to pull out when Cliff Thorburn becomes available again. Well no look, you've got a choice. You can either book me now or wait for Cliff Thorburn. But if Cliff Thorburn goes AWOL you're up slack alley, now who's it to be, me or Cliff Thorburn. Thank you very much indeed. Kiss my face!", "dialogue": "Partridge? Yes I'll hold [Turns to Michael] I'm possibly up for presenting a \"Hamilton's Water Breaks\" video. You know, on the Norfolk Broads? I tell you how I found out about this job, Bill Oddie… [Continues his phone call] Hello? Yes. No, the last corporate job I did was for err, a company that makes toner for photocopiers. No, no I was dressed as an exclamation mark. I walked out after five minutes it was demeaning. Had to flag a cab dressed up, which helped actually. Well I'll be delighted to do the job. Hang on, you can't book me and ask me to pull out when Cliff Thorburn becomes available again. Well no look, you've got a choice. You can either book me now or wait for Cliff Thorburn. But if Cliff Thorburn goes AWOL you're up slack alley, now who's it to be, me or Cliff Thorburn. Thank you very much indeed. Kiss my face!" }, { "id": 669, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Way!", "dialogue": "Way!" }, { "id": 670, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I am going to present a corporate video for Hamilton's Water Breaks.", "dialogue": "I am going to present a corporate video for Hamilton's Water Breaks." }, { "id": 671, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Champion!", "dialogue": "Champion!" } ] }, { "id": 42, "title": "Alan, all pleased with the corporate gig for Hamilton's Water Breaks, heads to the bathroom to discuss Michael's travelling days", "order_in_episode": 6, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 672, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ooh, wai-yai. That sounds Geordie, doesn't it? Wai-yai. Ever been to the Far East, Michael?", "dialogue": "Ooh, wai-yai. That sounds Geordie, doesn't it? Wai-yai. Ever been to the Far East, Michael?" }, { "id": 673, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well err, only to Manila, Hong Kong and Bangkok, like.", "dialogue": "Well err, only to Manila, Hong Kong and Bangkok, like." }, { "id": 674, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Bangkok?", "dialogue": "Bangkok?" }, { "id": 675, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye.", "dialogue": "Aye." }, { "id": 676, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Erm, so what did you see in Bangkok?", "dialogue": "Erm, so what did you see in Bangkok?" }, { "id": 677, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ahh, I saw the Golden Temple man. Beautiful it was.", "dialogue": "Ahh, I saw the Golden Temple man. Beautiful it was." }, { "id": 678, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, what else?", "dialogue": "Yeah, what else?" }, { "id": 679, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Err, well there's a river market right. All the little boats come up and they've got all the fresh produce and that…", "dialogue": "Err, well there's a river market right. All the little boats come up and they've got all the fresh produce and that…" }, { "id": 680, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael come on. Tell me about the lady boys.", "dialogue": "Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael come on. Tell me about the lady boys." }, { "id": 681, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh you mean those transsexuals? Aye, I seen them but, you know, they're disgustin'. I kept away from 'em.", "dialogue": "Oh you mean those transsexuals? Aye, I seen them but, you know, they're disgustin'. I kept away from 'em." }, { "id": 682, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh god yeah. Fascinating creatures though. Looks like a lady, but really it's a man. I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing. Don't suppose you've got any army stories about them?", "dialogue": "Oh god yeah. Fascinating creatures though. Looks like a lady, but really it's a man. I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing. Don't suppose you've got any army stories about them?" }, { "id": 683, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I did hear aboot this corporal right, and he's in the third battalion this lad, but he's right mean ok? And he gaans' oot in Bangkok right, and all the prostitutes is coming up and saying 'how much?'. And he's goin' 'I'm not paying that' right? And then this beautiful lassy comes up. _[At this point, Lynn is making her way to Alan's room, knocks quietly on the door and enters]_", "dialogue": "I did hear aboot this corporal right, and he's in the third battalion this lad, but he's right mean ok? And he gaans' oot in Bangkok right, and all the prostitutes is coming up and saying 'how much?'. And he's goin' 'I'm not paying that' right? And then this beautiful lassy comes up. [At this point, Lynn is making her way to Alan's room, knocks quietly on the door and enters]" }, { "id": 684, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Continuing the story]_ She's gorgeous man, and she's half the price of the others. And they're getting doon to it. He puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old 'meat and two veg' right. And thinks 'hang on, I've paid me money I'm gonna have summit'. So he flips 'em over and ffffffff- _[Michael looks up and notices Lynn has entered the room]_ …And funnily enough, it lands on its wheels and it starts first time and they just drive away.", "dialogue": "[Continuing the story] She's gorgeous man, and she's half the price of the others. And they're getting doon to it. He puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old 'meat and two veg' right. And thinks 'hang on, I've paid me money I'm gonna have summit'. So he flips 'em over and ffffffff- [Michael looks up and notices Lynn has entered the room] …And funnily enough, it lands on its wheels and it starts first time and they just drive away." }, { "id": 685, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan hasn't noticed Lynn in the room, and as such he is confused by the way the story has changed direction]_ Strangest story I've ever heard. Oh hello Lynn! Oh I see what you were… ahh right, yes. Michael was just telling me an army story about a friend of his who, slept with… a Land Rover. Lonely nights in the desert.", "dialogue": "[Alan hasn't noticed Lynn in the room, and as such he is confused by the way the story has changed direction] Strangest story I've ever heard. Oh hello Lynn! Oh I see what you were… ahh right, yes. Michael was just telling me an army story about a friend of his who, slept with… a Land Rover. Lonely nights in the desert." }, { "id": 686, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's all fixed now Mr Partridge, I'll be on my way.", "dialogue": "That's all fixed now Mr Partridge, I'll be on my way." }, { "id": 687, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, OK.", "dialogue": "Right, OK." }, { "id": 688, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Acknowledges Lynn on his way out]_ Mornin'", "dialogue": "[Acknowledges Lynn on his way out] Mornin'" }, { "id": 689, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Stops Michael before he leaves]_ Just check, that wasn't the real ending to the story, was it?", "dialogue": "[Stops Michael before he leaves] Just check, that wasn't the real ending to the story, was it?" }, { "id": 690, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no.", "dialogue": "No, no." }, { "id": 691, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just saying that because Lynn's here?", "dialogue": "Just saying that because Lynn's here?" }, { "id": 692, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye", "dialogue": "Aye" }, { "id": 693, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, fine.", "dialogue": "Right, fine." }, { "id": 694, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just a few things Alan. We've had a call from Norwich Radio. There've been more complaints from farmers about what you said.", "dialogue": "Just a few things Alan. We've had a call from Norwich Radio. There've been more complaints from farmers about what you said." }, { "id": 695, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. How many?", "dialogue": "Right. How many?" }, { "id": 696, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Fifty.", "dialogue": "Fifty." }, { "id": 697, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, your age!", "dialogue": "Oh, your age!" }, { "id": 698, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, Hamilton's have…", "dialogue": "Well, Hamilton's have…" }, { "id": 699, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, you've err, come free at the side.", "dialogue": "Alan, you've err, come free at the side." }, { "id": 700, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, sorry. It was a genuine mistake. Anyway, I've got the Hamilton's job.", "dialogue": "Oh, sorry. It was a genuine mistake. Anyway, I've got the Hamilton's job." }, { "id": 701, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, I've been speaking to them. They're coming over this afternoon.", "dialogue": "Yes, I've been speaking to them. They're coming over this afternoon." }, { "id": 702, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Great.", "dialogue": "Great." }, { "id": 703, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Did they say that you have to have your wife on the shoot?", "dialogue": "Did they say that you have to have your wife on the shoot?" }, { "id": 704, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Argh, Lynn, did you tell them that my wife has left me and she's living with a narcissistic sports pimp?", "dialogue": "Argh, Lynn, did you tell them that my wife has left me and she's living with a narcissistic sports pimp?" }, { "id": 705, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've… You've popped out again!", "dialogue": "You've… You've popped out again!" }, { "id": 706, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That wasn't deliberate, I promise you. It's not a cry for help. I've had these shorts since 1982. They did have an underpant lining, but it's perished. They've taken a bit of a pounding over the years. Can you get me some new ones please?", "dialogue": "That wasn't deliberate, I promise you. It's not a cry for help. I've had these shorts since 1982. They did have an underpant lining, but it's perished. They've taken a bit of a pounding over the years. Can you get me some new ones please?" } ] }, { "id": 43, "title": "Alan rings his ex-wife Carol to see if she will appear in his corporate video. He begins to dial then passes the phone to Lynn", "order_in_episode": 7, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 707, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm going to have to ring Carol and ask if she'll do the corporate video. _[Alan picks up the phone and starts dialing]_ Lynn, Lynn. Lynn, you speak to her. Please?", "dialogue": "I'm going to have to ring Carol and ask if she'll do the corporate video. [Alan picks up the phone and starts dialing] Lynn, Lynn. Lynn, you speak to her. Please?" }, { "id": 708, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello? Oh, yes he is _[Turns to Alan]_ It's a man.", "dialogue": "Hello? Oh, yes he is [Turns to Alan] It's a man." }, { "id": 709, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, that's her boyfriend _[Alan takes the phone from Lynn]_ Hello? Yeah, it's Alan. Your lover's husband. Yeah. The immersion heater? It's underneath the stairs. You only really need to press that if you're having a deep bath. Well, put it on an hour before, Bob's your uncle, you've got a deep bath. Yeah well, if you would please, yes. _[Turns to Lynn]_ He's gone to get Carol, you speak to her. You speak to her.", "dialogue": "Oh, that's her boyfriend [Alan takes the phone from Lynn] Hello? Yeah, it's Alan. Your lover's husband. Yeah. The immersion heater? It's underneath the stairs. You only really need to press that if you're having a deep bath. Well, put it on an hour before, Bob's your uncle, you've got a deep bath. Yeah well, if you would please, yes. [Turns to Lynn] He's gone to get Carol, you speak to her. You speak to her." }, { "id": 710, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Carol", "text": "Hello Carol, how are you? _[Alan signals to Lynn to speed up the conversation]_ Carol would you like to be in Alan's corporate video? Right", "dialogue": "Hello Carol, how are you? [Alan signals to Lynn to speed up the conversation] Carol would you like to be in Alan's corporate video? Right" }, { "id": 711, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Alan", "text": "She says no and she wants to speak to you.", "dialogue": "She says no and she wants to speak to you." }, { "id": 712, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Tell her I'm not here.", "dialogue": "Tell her I'm not here." }, { "id": 713, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Carol", "text": "He's not here.", "dialogue": "He's not here." }, { "id": 714, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Alan", "text": "She says she can hear your voice.", "dialogue": "She says she can hear your voice." }, { "id": 715, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Call her a fat cow then hang up.", "dialogue": "Call her a fat cow then hang up." }, { "id": 716, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Carol", "text": "Fat cow!", "dialogue": "Fat cow!" }, { "id": 717, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well done Lynn. Now, before we get up I'm just going to warn you, I have popped out again. It's in no way connected with our proximity. So just don't turn round. _[Alan untangles himself from the telephone line that is still wrapped around himself and Lynn]_ Right, the boys are back in the barracks! Take a pinch of white man.", "dialogue": "Well done Lynn. Now, before we get up I'm just going to warn you, I have popped out again. It's in no way connected with our proximity. So just don't turn round. [Alan untangles himself from the telephone line that is still wrapped around himself and Lynn] Right, the boys are back in the barracks! Take a pinch of white man." } ] }, { "id": 44, "title": "Alan is fully dressed by now and heading down to reception with Lynn. All is quiet and the look on Alan's face after this dialogue is classic Alan Partridge", "order_in_episode": 8, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 718, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What we need is a great big melting pot. Big enough to take the world, and all it's got. Keep it turning…", "dialogue": "What we need is a great big melting pot. Big enough to take the world, and all it's got. Keep it turning…" }, { "id": 719, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I can pretend to be your wife! _[Alan isn't impressed with what Lynn said, and there is an uncomfortable silence]_", "dialogue": "I can pretend to be your wife! [Alan isn't impressed with what Lynn said, and there is an uncomfortable silence]" } ] }, { "id": 45, "title": "Alan makes his way out of the lift, in front of Lynn and heads for the hotel reception desk to speak to Susan. Lynn just heads out of the hotel", "order_in_episode": 9, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 720, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Morning.", "dialogue": "Morning." }, { "id": 721, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 5, "first_name": "Susan", "last_name": "Foster", "full_name": "Susan Foster" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello Alan.", "dialogue": "Hello Alan." }, { "id": 722, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn's a good worker. But I suppose she's a bit like Burt Reynolds. Very reliable but she's got a moustache. Bit like lady boys. Look like a woman, but really it's a man. I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing.", "dialogue": "Lynn's a good worker. But I suppose she's a bit like Burt Reynolds. Very reliable but she's got a moustache. Bit like lady boys. Look like a woman, but really it's a man. I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing." }, { "id": 723, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Morning Sophie, you're not a man are you?", "dialogue": "Morning Sophie, you're not a man are you?" }, { "id": 724, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No. Would you settle this month's bill please?", "dialogue": "No. Would you settle this month's bill please?" }, { "id": 725, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "£8 'miscellaneous services'? That sounds disconcertingly vague.", "dialogue": "£8 'miscellaneous services'? That sounds disconcertingly vague." }, { "id": 726, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You used this pay channel. _[Sophie begins to write down the pay channel on a piece of paper, with a smirk on her face]_", "dialogue": "You used this pay channel. [Sophie begins to write down the pay channel on a piece of paper, with a smirk on her face]" }, { "id": 727, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ahh right yeah. It's very confusing. Sophie, I find the pay channels very confusing. Can I just explain, I was trying to access \"Driving Miss Daisy\".", "dialogue": "Ahh right yeah. It's very confusing. Sophie, I find the pay channels very confusing. Can I just explain, I was trying to access \"Driving Miss Daisy\"." }, { "id": 728, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And that's why you only watched it for fifteen minutes.", "dialogue": "And that's why you only watched it for fifteen minutes." }, { "id": 729, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, because it was the wrong film. Have you seen it? Is it good?", "dialogue": "Yes, because it was the wrong film. Have you seen it? Is it good?" }, { "id": 730, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What? \"Driving Miss Daisy\" or \"Bangkok Chick Boys\"?", "dialogue": "What? \"Driving Miss Daisy\" or \"Bangkok Chick Boys\"?" }, { "id": 731, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "\"Driving Miss Daisy\". Is it a good film?", "dialogue": "\"Driving Miss Daisy\". Is it a good film?" }, { "id": 732, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Don't know, I haven't seen it. Was \"Bangkok Chick Boys\" good?", "dialogue": "Don't know, I haven't seen it. Was \"Bangkok Chick Boys\" good?" }, { "id": 733, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't know I didn't see it. I couldn't see it because I was in the bathroom.", "dialogue": "I don't know I didn't see it. I couldn't see it because I was in the bathroom." }, { "id": 734, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, Ben. Mr Partridge was just saying he couldn't see \"Bangkok Chick Boys\" from his bathroom.", "dialogue": "Oh, Ben. Mr Partridge was just saying he couldn't see \"Bangkok Chick Boys\" from his bathroom." }, { "id": 735, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well you can if you angle the mirror by the door. D'ya want me to show ya?", "dialogue": "Well you can if you angle the mirror by the door. D'ya want me to show ya?" }, { "id": 736, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No! I only watched it for five minutes! It's the remote control that's confusing.", "dialogue": "No! I only watched it for five minutes! It's the remote control that's confusing." }, { "id": 737, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh! What you will have done is, when it flashed up on your screen 'do you want to watch \"Bangkok Chick Boys\", you must have pressed the button that says 'yes'.", "dialogue": "Oh! What you will have done is, when it flashed up on your screen 'do you want to watch \"Bangkok Chick Boys\", you must have pressed the button that says 'yes'." }, { "id": 738, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, as I say it's very confusing.", "dialogue": "Yeah, as I say it's very confusing." }, { "id": 739, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "D'you want me to come up and show you how to press the button that says 'No'?", "dialogue": "D'you want me to come up and show you how to press the button that says 'No'?" }, { "id": 740, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes. Yes, I want you to show me the button that says 'No'.", "dialogue": "Yes. Yes, I want you to show me the button that says 'No'." }, { "id": 741, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, and I'll show you that mirror thing.", "dialogue": "Oh, and I'll show you that mirror thing." }, { "id": 742, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No!", "dialogue": "No!" }, { "id": 743, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, erm. D'you want me to settle this bill?", "dialogue": "Look, erm. D'you want me to settle this bill?" }, { "id": 744, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 6, "first_name": "Sophie", "last_name": "the receptionist", "full_name": "Sophie the receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Err, no. I mean yes! You're right, it is confusing isn't it?", "dialogue": "Err, no. I mean yes! You're right, it is confusing isn't it?" }, { "id": 745, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Looking really pissed off at this stage]_ Yes.", "dialogue": "[Looking really pissed off at this stage] Yes." } ] }, { "id": 46, "title": "Alan and Michael would make a great double act. Alan is in the bar with his corporate video script, and Michael is serving behind the bar. In typical Alan Partridge fashion, ordering a drink is convoluted", "order_in_episode": 10, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 746, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh. Hello Mr Partridge. Drink?", "dialogue": "Oh. Hello Mr Partridge. Drink?" }, { "id": 747, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No. Have you got any tonic water?", "dialogue": "No. Have you got any tonic water?" }, { "id": 748, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye.", "dialogue": "Aye." }, { "id": 749, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "With err, some ice, and a segment of lemon. And can you top it up with some Gordon's Gin?", "dialogue": "With err, some ice, and a segment of lemon. And can you top it up with some Gordon's Gin?" }, { "id": 750, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "A gin and tonic?", "dialogue": "A gin and tonic?" }, { "id": 751, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, that's right, yeah fine.", "dialogue": "Yeah, that's right, yeah fine." }, { "id": 752, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "Ahh, hello.", "dialogue": "Ahh, hello." }, { "id": 753, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The gentlemen from the corporate video are on their way.", "dialogue": "The gentlemen from the corporate video are on their way." }, { "id": 754, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Excellent. Well, I've done my homework. Would you like a drink?", "dialogue": "Excellent. Well, I've done my homework. Would you like a drink?" }, { "id": 755, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh! Thank you! Well, I'll have a Baileys.", "dialogue": "Oh! Thank you! Well, I'll have a Baileys." }, { "id": 756, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Michael", "text": "One small Baileys, please.", "dialogue": "One small Baileys, please." }, { "id": 757, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "Lynn, I was thinking of getting a substitute wife, and I would really love you… _[Lynn's face lights up with the prospect of being Alan's substitute wife]_ …to go down to Sol Dangerfield's Casting Agency… _[Lynn's face drops]_ …and tell 'em to get me a forty-year-old scorcher. And _do_ use that word.", "dialogue": "Lynn, I was thinking of getting a substitute wife, and I would really love you… [Lynn's face lights up with the prospect of being Alan's substitute wife] …to go down to Sol Dangerfield's Casting Agency… [Lynn's face drops] …and tell 'em to get me a forty-year-old scorcher. And do use that word." } ] }, { "id": 47, "title": "Steve Bennett and Hugh Morris from the corporate video turn up to have a chat with Alan about the \"Hamilton's Water Breaks\" shoot", "order_in_episode": 11, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 758, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are you Alan Partridge?", "dialogue": "Are you Alan Partridge?" }, { "id": 759, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes." }, { "id": 760, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hi, I'm Steve Bennett. I'm the director of the \"Hamilton's Water Breaks\" video.", "dialogue": "Hi, I'm Steve Bennett. I'm the director of the \"Hamilton's Water Breaks\" video." }, { "id": 761, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, we spoke on the phone.", "dialogue": "Right, we spoke on the phone." }, { "id": 762, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This is Hugh Morris, he's the Marketing Director for Hamilton's. He's going to be coming along with us. Sort of keeping an eye on us.", "dialogue": "This is Hugh Morris, he's the Marketing Director for Hamilton's. He's going to be coming along with us. Sort of keeping an eye on us." }, { "id": 763, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And make sure I don't sink the boat and don't drown everyone like a big twit!", "dialogue": "And make sure I don't sink the boat and don't drown everyone like a big twit!" }, { "id": 764, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Using a voice box]_ No I'll be down the pub probably.", "dialogue": "[Using a voice box] No I'll be down the pub probably." }, { "id": 765, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 766, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll be down the pub getting the beers in!", "dialogue": "I'll be down the pub getting the beers in!" }, { "id": 767, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why are you speaking like that?", "dialogue": "Why are you speaking like that?" }, { "id": 768, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, it's a voice box.", "dialogue": "Oh, it's a voice box." }, { "id": 769, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's great fun. Do you get those at a toy shop?", "dialogue": "That's great fun. Do you get those at a toy shop?" }, { "id": 770, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I haven't got any vocal cords.", "dialogue": "Alan, I haven't got any vocal cords." }, { "id": 771, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You sound like the girl in \"The Exorcist.\"", "dialogue": "You sound like the girl in \"The Exorcist.\"" }, { "id": 772, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got to say, I love the script. It's superb. There's a lovely phrase in it, which says, \"Boating appeals to both friends and family alike\". Lovely phrase, very simple, very moving.", "dialogue": "I've got to say, I love the script. It's superb. There's a lovely phrase in it, which says, \"Boating appeals to both friends and family alike\". Lovely phrase, very simple, very moving." }, { "id": 773, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, it's a boat video. You know. We're not making a James Bond movie.", "dialogue": "Alan, it's a boat video. You know. We're not making a James Bond movie." }, { "id": 774, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Interesting, because you _do_ sound like a baddie in a James Bond film. _[Points at Hugh]_ Dr. No… vocal cords.", "dialogue": "Interesting, because you do sound like a baddie in a James Bond film. [Points at Hugh] Dr. No… vocal cords." }, { "id": 775, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no, Alan, we want to keep it simple. That's why we hired you. You're a local fella, you know, that means good communications with tradesmen, with landlords, with farmers, and at the end of the day, the pubs are open, and we'll be in there getting pissed, really!", "dialogue": "No, no, Alan, we want to keep it simple. That's why we hired you. You're a local fella, you know, that means good communications with tradesmen, with landlords, with farmers, and at the end of the day, the pubs are open, and we'll be in there getting pissed, really!" }, { "id": 776, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sounds good to me! Michael, do you want to pop that in the bin", "dialogue": "Sounds good to me! Michael, do you want to pop that in the bin" }, { "id": 777, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye.", "dialogue": "Aye." }, { "id": 778, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just some notes I made last night, for a laugh. I was drunk, you know. Yeah, I mean, I woke up this morning asleep on the sink, just like this… _[leans on the bar with his eyes closed]_ …I'd been asleep for eight hours like that. Got up, walked downstairs, straight downstairs. Had breakfast, didn't even wash my hands. 'Cause I'm a bloody bloke!", "dialogue": "Just some notes I made last night, for a laugh. I was drunk, you know. Yeah, I mean, I woke up this morning asleep on the sink, just like this… [leans on the bar with his eyes closed] …I'd been asleep for eight hours like that. Got up, walked downstairs, straight downstairs. Had breakfast, didn't even wash my hands. 'Cause I'm a bloody bloke!" }, { "id": 779, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. Anyway, there's the bar, gentlemen. Choose your weapons.", "dialogue": "Yeah. Anyway, there's the bar, gentlemen. Choose your weapons." }, { "id": 780, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": "and Steve", "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 781, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm offering you a drink.", "dialogue": "I'm offering you a drink." }, { "id": 782, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, right.", "dialogue": "Oh, right." }, { "id": 783, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Now you're talking my language!", "dialogue": "Now you're talking my language!" }, { "id": 784, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I hope not.", "dialogue": "I hope not." }, { "id": 785, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pint of lager.", "dialogue": "Pint of lager." }, { "id": 786, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pint of lager.", "dialogue": "Pint of lager." }, { "id": 787, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Two lagers. Three lagers.", "dialogue": "Two lagers. Three lagers." }, { "id": 788, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Three pints of lager, righty-ho.", "dialogue": "Three pints of lager, righty-ho." }, { "id": 789, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're having a lager and these two drinks here?", "dialogue": "You're having a lager and these two drinks here?" }, { "id": 790, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, yes. These… are… they're chasers.", "dialogue": "Yes, yes. These… are… they're chasers." }, { "id": 791, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've never had one of those.", "dialogue": "I've never had one of those." }, { "id": 792, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "God.", "dialogue": "God." }, { "id": 793, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've never had a lager and gin and tonic and Baileys Irish Cream chaser?", "dialogue": "You've never had a lager and gin and tonic and Baileys Irish Cream chaser?" }, { "id": 794, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 795, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You big girls' bras!", "dialogue": "You big girls' bras!" }, { "id": 796, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Has that got a name, that drink?", "dialogue": "Has that got a name, that drink?" }, { "id": 797, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, they're called, err, Lady-boys.", "dialogue": "Yeah, they're called, err, Lady-boys." }, { "id": 798, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, because gin and tonic and Baileys are, like, a lady's drink, lager's a boy's drink?", "dialogue": "Right, because gin and tonic and Baileys are, like, a lady's drink, lager's a boy's drink?" }, { "id": 799, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's why I said that. Cheers. _[Alan takes a swig from the lager, then the Baileys, then the Gin and tonic]_ Ooh, Lady-boys. D'you want one?", "dialogue": "That's why I said that. Cheers. [Alan takes a swig from the lager, then the Baileys, then the Gin and tonic] Ooh, Lady-boys. D'you want one?" }, { "id": 800, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": "and Hugh", "text": "Yeah, yeah.", "dialogue": "Yeah, yeah." }, { "id": 801, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Great! Three, no, four Lady-boys.", "dialogue": "Great! Three, no, four Lady-boys." }, { "id": 802, "line_number": 45, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Four Lady-boys, righty-ho.", "dialogue": "Four Lady-boys, righty-ho." }, { "id": 803, "line_number": 46, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How much is that?", "dialogue": "How much is that?" }, { "id": 804, "line_number": 47, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That'll be, er, thirty-three pounds.", "dialogue": "That'll be, er, thirty-three pounds." }, { "id": 805, "line_number": 48, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, here's to a good corporate video, and lots of being men.", "dialogue": "Well, here's to a good corporate video, and lots of being men." } ] }, { "id": 48, "title": "The camera fades out and back in. Alan is leaning on the bar with his eyes closed", "order_in_episode": 12, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 806, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan? _[Prods him]_", "dialogue": "Alan? [Prods him]" }, { "id": 807, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh! I'm confused. What time is it?", "dialogue": "Oh! I'm confused. What time is it?" }, { "id": 808, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Six o'clock.", "dialogue": "Six o'clock." }, { "id": 809, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How long have we been drinking?", "dialogue": "How long have we been drinking?" }, { "id": 810, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Three quarters of an hour.", "dialogue": "Three quarters of an hour." }, { "id": 811, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think I'll, erm, go to my room and, er, lean on the sink. I have a little bit of… sick.", "dialogue": "I think I'll, erm, go to my room and, er, lean on the sink. I have a little bit of… sick." }, { "id": 812, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mr. Partridge, that's the kitchens!", "dialogue": "Mr. Partridge, that's the kitchens!" }, { "id": 813, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I'm going to… cook all the food.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I'm going to… cook all the food." }, { "id": 814, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, this is a hotel.", "dialogue": "Alan, this is a hotel." }, { "id": 815, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Three star.", "dialogue": "Three star." } ] }, { "id": 49, "title": "Alan, who has clearly had one too many drinks, calls his ex-wife, Carol, from his hotel room, where he is sitting on the bed. He has a rant to Carol about her boyfriend's Renault Megane", "order_in_episode": 13, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 816, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, Carol? It's Alan. How are you? Me? I'm having a fantastic time, yeah. I'm having the best time since… sliced bread. How's Mr. Planet of the Apes man? Oh. Is he still driving that Renault Megane? Yeah? Can I just read you something from Top Gear magazine? No, it's alright, I've got it here, I've got it here. \"With a mere ninety brake horsepower available, progress is too leisurely to be called fast, but on the motorway in fifth gear the Megane's slow pace really becomes a pain. Uphill runs become power-sappingly mundane, while overtaking National Express coaches can become a long, drawn-out affair.\" Not my words, Carol. The words of Top Gear magazine. Hello?", "dialogue": "Hello, Carol? It's Alan. How are you? Me? I'm having a fantastic time, yeah. I'm having the best time since… sliced bread. How's Mr. Planet of the Apes man? Oh. Is he still driving that Renault Megane? Yeah? Can I just read you something from Top Gear magazine? No, it's alright, I've got it here, I've got it here. \"With a mere ninety brake horsepower available, progress is too leisurely to be called fast, but on the motorway in fifth gear the Megane's slow pace really becomes a pain. Uphill runs become power-sappingly mundane, while overtaking National Express coaches can become a long, drawn-out affair.\" Not my words, Carol. The words of Top Gear magazine. Hello?" } ] }, { "id": 50, "title": "Ben turns up at Alan's room to switch off his access to adult channels", "order_in_episode": 14, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 817, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Knock at the door]_ Come in.", "dialogue": "[Knock at the door] Come in." }, { "id": 818, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hiya. I've come to show you how to use your telly.", "dialogue": "Hiya. I've come to show you how to use your telly." }, { "id": 819, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, oh yes. It's very confusing.", "dialogue": "Oh, oh yes. It's very confusing." }, { "id": 820, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. _[Picks up the TV remote and starts flicking through channels]_ So that's Sky Movies. Sports. CNN. Adult Channel, that's your dirty movies.", "dialogue": "Yeah. [Picks up the TV remote and starts flicking through channels] So that's Sky Movies. Sports. CNN. Adult Channel, that's your dirty movies." }, { "id": 821, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, not really my cup of tea.", "dialogue": "Yeah, not really my cup of tea." }, { "id": 822, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I can disconnect it. Put a scramble on it, just lock it out the system", "dialogue": "Well I can disconnect it. Put a scramble on it, just lock it out the system" }, { "id": 823, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pffff, probably be a lot of trouble won't it?", "dialogue": "Pffff, probably be a lot of trouble won't it?" }, { "id": 824, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Not really. It's just a… it's just a switch.", "dialogue": "Not really. It's just a… it's just a switch." }, { "id": 825, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Errrm.", "dialogue": "Errrm." }, { "id": 826, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, it's up to you, yeah, you're the boss. What you get up to in here, it's your business.", "dialogue": "Look, it's up to you, yeah, you're the boss. What you get up to in here, it's your business." }, { "id": 827, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't get up to anything.", "dialogue": "I don't get up to anything." }, { "id": 828, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you want me to disconnect it?", "dialogue": "Do you want me to disconnect it?" }, { "id": 829, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes!", "dialogue": "Yes!" }, { "id": 830, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 7, "first_name": "Ben", "last_name": "Swain", "full_name": "Ben Swain" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "OK. _[Flicks a switch on the back of the TV]_ There. That's disconnected.", "dialogue": "OK. [Flicks a switch on the back of the TV] There. That's disconnected." }, { "id": 831, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good.", "dialogue": "Good." } ] }, { "id": 51, "title": "On the corporate video set, Alan walks over with his pint of bitter and sits down at a table in a pub beer garden. Steve, the video director and a couple of other men are sitting down having a pint. Alan clearly wants to be 'one of the boys' when they spot a couple of girls", "order_in_episode": 15, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 832, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alright, lads?", "dialogue": "Alright, lads?" }, { "id": 833, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 42, "first_name": "Men", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Men" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alright, Alan.", "dialogue": "Alright, Alan." }, { "id": 834, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I got err, really drunk last night. I was sick everywhere. Were you sick?", "dialogue": "I got err, really drunk last night. I was sick everywhere. Were you sick?" }, { "id": 835, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 42, "first_name": "Men", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Men" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, not really. No. Look at the legs on that. Hello! All right?", "dialogue": "No, not really. No. Look at the legs on that. Hello! All right?" }, { "id": 836, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mmm. She was certainly err, first in the queue when God was handing out… chests, mammary glands. Ooh! I'd love to have it off with her. Oooooh-Urrgh! Sex!", "dialogue": "Mmm. She was certainly err, first in the queue when God was handing out… chests, mammary glands. Ooh! I'd love to have it off with her. Oooooh-Urrgh! Sex!" } ] }, { "id": 52, "title": "Alan's corporate video shoot is underway", "order_in_episode": 16, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 837, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "(voice over)", "text": "For a British holiday with a difference on a boat, always choose Hamilton's Water Breaks. With the melting of the polar ice caps, most of East Anglia will be underwater in the next thirty years. So make the most of the stunning fens before the floods come, causing a little concern for these local farmers I chatted to.", "dialogue": "For a British holiday with a difference on a boat, always choose Hamilton's Water Breaks. With the melting of the polar ice caps, most of East Anglia will be underwater in the next thirty years. So make the most of the stunning fens before the floods come, causing a little concern for these local farmers I chatted to." }, { "id": 838, "line_number": 2, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Cuts to a scene with Alan and his substitute wife]_", "dialogue": "[Cuts to a scene with Alan and his substitute wife]" }, { "id": 839, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "(voice over)", "text": "This is my wife and I going off to the local marketplace, where we could buy anything from plimsolls to posters of famous Hollywood stars.", "dialogue": "This is my wife and I going off to the local marketplace, where we could buy anything from plimsolls to posters of famous Hollywood stars." }, { "id": 840, "line_number": 4, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Cuts to a shot of Alan inside a boat]_", "dialogue": "[Cuts to a shot of Alan inside a boat]" }, { "id": 841, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33. Now this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Earlier on I put in a pound of mashed-up Dundee cake. Let's take a look. Not a trace. Peace of mind I'm sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board.", "dialogue": "This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33. Now this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Earlier on I put in a pound of mashed-up Dundee cake. Let's take a look. Not a trace. Peace of mind I'm sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board." }, { "id": 842, "line_number": 6, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Cuts to a shot of Alan navigating the boat]_", "dialogue": "[Cuts to a shot of Alan navigating the boat]" }, { "id": 843, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ahhh, try pedestrianising this!", "dialogue": "Ahhh, try pedestrianising this!" }, { "id": 844, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Off-camera]_", "text": "OK, can you hold that pose, now, Alan?", "dialogue": "OK, can you hold that pose, now, Alan?" }, { "id": 845, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 30, "first_name": "Farmer", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Farmer" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Partridge, you wanker!", "dialogue": "Partridge, you wanker!" }, { "id": 846, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We'll dub that out. Play some music over it.", "dialogue": "We'll dub that out. Play some music over it." }, { "id": 847, "line_number": 11, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Cuts to a scene with Alan and his substitute wife having something to eat]_", "dialogue": "[Cuts to a scene with Alan and his substitute wife having something to eat]" }, { "id": 848, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How's your friends?", "dialogue": "How's your friends?" }, { "id": 849, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 44, "first_name": "Substitute Wife", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Substitute Wife" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Fine.", "dialogue": "Fine." }, { "id": 850, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "(voice over)", "text": "It might look a bit pokey from the outside, but a Hamilton's boat is deceptively large. My wife and I found it actually offers the kind of luxury and comfort you'd normally associate with a good quality static caravan.", "dialogue": "It might look a bit pokey from the outside, but a Hamilton's boat is deceptively large. My wife and I found it actually offers the kind of luxury and comfort you'd normally associate with a good quality static caravan." }, { "id": 851, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're not having any bacon?", "dialogue": "You're not having any bacon?" }, { "id": 852, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 44, "first_name": "Substitute Wife", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Substitute Wife" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I'm vegetarian.", "dialogue": "No, I'm vegetarian." }, { "id": 853, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes… I know. Just a joke.", "dialogue": "Yes… I know. Just a joke." }, { "id": 854, "line_number": 18, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Cut to a scene where Alan is interviewing a customer of Hamilton's]_", "dialogue": "[Cut to a scene where Alan is interviewing a customer of Hamilton's]" }, { "id": 855, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm joined by Alice, who's not going to shrink me into a little bottle. She's going to tell me about Hamilton's Holiday Breaks. You regularly book, don't you?", "dialogue": "I'm joined by Alice, who's not going to shrink me into a little bottle. She's going to tell me about Hamilton's Holiday Breaks. You regularly book, don't you?" }, { "id": 856, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 39, "first_name": "Alice", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Alice" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yep.", "dialogue": "Yep." }, { "id": 857, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And do you do that with your boyfriend, or…?", "dialogue": "And do you do that with your boyfriend, or…?" }, { "id": 858, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 39, "first_name": "Alice", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Alice" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I do it alone.", "dialogue": "No, I do it alone." }, { "id": 859, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, you book alone?", "dialogue": "What, you book alone?" }, { "id": 860, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 39, "first_name": "Alice", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Alice" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yep.", "dialogue": "Yep." }, { "id": 861, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How old are you?", "dialogue": "How old are you?" }, { "id": 862, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 39, "first_name": "Alice", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Alice" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Twenty-five.", "dialogue": "Twenty-five." }, { "id": 863, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do you do on a boat, alone?", "dialogue": "What do you do on a boat, alone?" }, { "id": 864, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 39, "first_name": "Alice", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Alice" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Read a book, relax, look at the scenery.", "dialogue": "Read a book, relax, look at the scenery." }, { "id": 865, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to the camera crew", "text": "No, she sounds weird. We can't use that. Sorry, thank-you, love. Thank you. A bit odd.", "dialogue": "No, she sounds weird. We can't use that. Sorry, thank-you, love. Thank you. A bit odd." }, { "id": 866, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Off-camera]_", "text": "Cut!", "dialogue": "Cut!" } ] }, { "id": 53, "title": "Alan is back in the studio, interviewing Peter Baxendale Thomas from the Norfolk Farmers Union", "order_in_episode": 17, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 867, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're joining me, Alan Partridge, and Peter Baxendale Thomas of the Norfolk Farmer's Union. Now, yesterday I, sort of, trod in a rather large farmer's pat when I made some comments about intensive farming. Where did I go wrong?", "dialogue": "You're joining me, Alan Partridge, and Peter Baxendale Thomas of the Norfolk Farmer's Union. Now, yesterday I, sort of, trod in a rather large farmer's pat when I made some comments about intensive farming. Where did I go wrong?" }, { "id": 868, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I think your comments were ill founded. They were deeply ignorant, they showed a complete lack of understanding of modern agricultural methods, and simply served to highlight the sort of intense stupidity that farmers encounter from armchair pundits who forget to think before they open their mouth. But with a full and frank apology that you're about to give us this morning I'm sure you can dig yourself out of this rather ugly hole.", "dialogue": "Well I think your comments were ill founded. They were deeply ignorant, they showed a complete lack of understanding of modern agricultural methods, and simply served to highlight the sort of intense stupidity that farmers encounter from armchair pundits who forget to think before they open their mouth. But with a full and frank apology that you're about to give us this morning I'm sure you can dig yourself out of this rather ugly hole." }, { "id": 869, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. Erm, sorry. Er, do you have any requests, anybody you want to say hello to, or…?", "dialogue": "Yeah. Erm, sorry. Er, do you have any requests, anybody you want to say hello to, or…?" }, { "id": 870, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, I'm just trying to say that when you make ignorant comments like you did the other day, you serve simply to alarm the public and inflame the farmers, which is exactly what you've done. Why don't you just apologise and make it nice and simple…", "dialogue": "Look, I'm just trying to say that when you make ignorant comments like you did the other day, you serve simply to alarm the public and inflame the farmers, which is exactly what you've done. Why don't you just apologise and make it nice and simple…" }, { "id": 871, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Moooooo! Thought that'd throw you. You could talk the hind-legs off a donkey. But your donkeys are probably born without hind legs because of all the chemicals you put in their chips.", "dialogue": "Moooooo! Thought that'd throw you. You could talk the hind-legs off a donkey. But your donkeys are probably born without hind legs because of all the chemicals you put in their chips." }, { "id": 872, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I don't have donkeys. And even if I did I wouldn't feed them chips. This is exactly the sort of rubbish you came up with the other day when you talked about putting a spine in a bap.", "dialogue": "Alan, I don't have donkeys. And even if I did I wouldn't feed them chips. This is exactly the sort of rubbish you came up with the other day when you talked about putting a spine in a bap." }, { "id": 873, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I admit that was a mistake. I shouldn't have said bap.", "dialogue": "I admit that was a mistake. I shouldn't have said bap." }, { "id": 874, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, good. Well, that's a start.", "dialogue": "Well, good. Well, that's a start." }, { "id": 875, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, no, I should have said baguette. Because a spinal column would fit in a baguette.", "dialogue": "Well, no, I should have said baguette. Because a spinal column would fit in a baguette." }, { "id": 876, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Listen, listen… you've upset half the farmers in this community. You seem to alienate everybody you come across, including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by.", "dialogue": "Listen, listen… you've upset half the farmers in this community. You seem to alienate everybody you come across, including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by." }, { "id": 877, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a travel tavern.", "dialogue": "It's a travel tavern." }, { "id": 878, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are…", "dialogue": "I don't care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are…" }, { "id": 879, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are farmyard animals, yes.", "dialogue": "Are farmyard animals, yes." }, { "id": 880, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're talking about my friends, here.", "dialogue": "You're talking about my friends, here." }, { "id": 881, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've probably got more friends than you've got cows.", "dialogue": "I've probably got more friends than you've got cows." }, { "id": 882, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This is ridiculous.", "dialogue": "This is ridiculous." }, { "id": 883, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How many cows have you got?", "dialogue": "How many cows have you got?" }, { "id": 884, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got a hundred cattle.", "dialogue": "I've got a hundred cattle." }, { "id": 885, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I've got a hundred and four friends.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I've got a hundred and four friends." }, { "id": 886, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't see what this is going to gain you. Why don't you just issue a frank and full retraction of what you said, and you'll get yourself out of a lot of silly bother.", "dialogue": "I don't see what this is going to gain you. Why don't you just issue a frank and full retraction of what you said, and you'll get yourself out of a lot of silly bother." }, { "id": 887, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, you are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.", "dialogue": "Yeah, you are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth." }, { "id": 888, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't think it's got anything to do with class.", "dialogue": "I don't think it's got anything to do with class." }, { "id": 889, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And the plums have mutated and they've got beaks.", "dialogue": "And the plums have mutated and they've got beaks." }, { "id": 890, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Beaks?", "dialogue": "Beaks?" }, { "id": 891, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, beaks.", "dialogue": "Yes, beaks." }, { "id": 892, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?", "dialogue": "Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?" }, { "id": 893, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no. You make pigs smoke.", "dialogue": "No, no. You make pigs smoke." }, { "id": 894, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I want to know where you think you earned the right to go swanning off on these ludicrous flights of…", "dialogue": "I want to know where you think you earned the right to go swanning off on these ludicrous flights of…" }, { "id": 895, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ah, swans. You feed beefburgers to swans.", "dialogue": "Ah, swans. You feed beefburgers to swans." }, { "id": 896, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do I?", "dialogue": "Do I?" }, { "id": 897, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, you do.", "dialogue": "Yes, you do." }, { "id": 898, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right, well, perhaps you can tell me what's wrong with feeding beefburgers to swans?", "dialogue": "All right, well, perhaps you can tell me what's wrong with feeding beefburgers to swans?" }, { "id": 899, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 900, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well if you fill a swan's stomach up with beefburgers it's full of fat and it'll float better. That's why we do it.", "dialogue": "Well if you fill a swan's stomach up with beefburgers it's full of fat and it'll float better. That's why we do it." }, { "id": 901, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Really?", "dialogue": "Really?" }, { "id": 902, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, you complete cretin. I'm just contributing to this total farce. What else are you going to accuse me of?", "dialogue": "No, you complete cretin. I'm just contributing to this total farce. What else are you going to accuse me of?" }, { "id": 903, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll tell you what. You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.", "dialogue": "I'll tell you what. You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own." }, { "id": 904, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do you mean by that?", "dialogue": "What do you mean by that?" }, { "id": 905, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've seen the big-eared boys on farms.", "dialogue": "I've seen the big-eared boys on farms." }, { "id": 906, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, for goodness' sake.", "dialogue": "Oh, for goodness' sake." }, { "id": 907, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.", "dialogue": "If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother." }, { "id": 908, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 9, "first_name": "Peter", "last_name": "Linehan", "full_name": "Peter Linehan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, have I got anything else to say here or shall I go?", "dialogue": "Look, have I got anything else to say here or shall I go?" }, { "id": 909, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, listen, I'll tell you what the point is. You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in, and inside these big sheds are twenty-foot high chickens. Because of all the chemicals you put in them. And these chickens are scared. They don't know why they're so big. They go \"oh why am I so massive?\" And they're looking down on all the other little chickens, and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small… do you deny that?", "dialogue": "Well, listen, I'll tell you what the point is. You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in, and inside these big sheds are twenty-foot high chickens. Because of all the chemicals you put in them. And these chickens are scared. They don't know why they're so big. They go \"oh why am I so massive?\" And they're looking down on all the other little chickens, and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small… do you deny that?" }, { "id": 910, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No. His silence, I think, speaks volumes.", "dialogue": "No. His silence, I think, speaks volumes." } ] }, { "id": 54, "title": "Peter has left, and Lynn steps into the sound booth and sits with Alan while he is still on-air", "order_in_episode": 18, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 911, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And… and basically, do you agree that everything I've said thus far is completely correct?", "dialogue": "And… and basically, do you agree that everything I've said thus far is completely correct?" }, { "id": 912, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Impersonating Peter]_", "text": "Yes. _[In a deeper voice]_ Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes. [In a deeper voice] Yes." }, { "id": 913, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And do you also run over badgers in your tractor, for fun?", "dialogue": "And do you also run over badgers in your tractor, for fun?" }, { "id": 914, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[In a deep voice]_ Yes.", "dialogue": "[In a deep voice] Yes." }, { "id": 915, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you, Peter Baxendale Thomas. This is T'Pau.", "dialogue": "Thank you, Peter Baxendale Thomas. This is T'Pau." }, { "id": 916, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How did it go?", "dialogue": "How did it go?" }, { "id": 917, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, you know. Up and down.", "dialogue": "Oh, you know. Up and down." }, { "id": 918, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "More bad news, I'm afraid. The actress playing your wife can't do the filming today.", "dialogue": "More bad news, I'm afraid. The actress playing your wife can't do the filming today." }, { "id": 919, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh for god's… Why not?", "dialogue": "Oh for god's… Why not?" }, { "id": 920, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, she's got a part in \"The Bill\". She's playing a shoplifter.", "dialogue": "Well, she's got a part in \"The Bill\". She's playing a shoplifter." }, { "id": 921, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh. That's quite good! Oh well, we'll just have to think of something.", "dialogue": "Oh. That's quite good! Oh well, we'll just have to think of something." } ] }, { "id": 55, "title": "Alan is back on the corporate video set, with another replacement wife", "order_in_episode": 19, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 922, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 43, "first_name": "Production Crew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Production Crew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Scene thirteen, take two.", "dialogue": "Scene thirteen, take two." }, { "id": 923, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "One of the benefits of global warming and international terrorism, is that more and more people are holidaying in England. I'll drink to that. Cheers.", "dialogue": "One of the benefits of global warming and international terrorism, is that more and more people are holidaying in England. I'll drink to that. Cheers." }, { "id": 924, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[turns to Steve off camera]_", "text": "How was that, OK?", "dialogue": "How was that, OK?" }, { "id": 925, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Off camera]_", "text": "It's not working, you can tell.", "dialogue": "It's not working, you can tell." }, { "id": 926, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Really? _[Alan's \"wife\" turns round to the camera and reveals it's a man wearing a wig]_", "dialogue": "Really? [Alan's \"wife\" turns round to the camera and reveals it's a man wearing a wig]" } ] }, { "id": 56, "title": "Alan improvises again with another replacement wife", "order_in_episode": 20, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 927, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 43, "first_name": "Production Crew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Production Crew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Scene thirteen, take three.", "dialogue": "Scene thirteen, take three." }, { "id": 928, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "One of the benefits of global warming and international terrorism, is… _[What is quite clearly a dummy, falls forward towards Alan]_ …You all right there love? _[Alan re-positions the dummy]_", "dialogue": "One of the benefits of global warming and international terrorism, is… [What is quite clearly a dummy, falls forward towards Alan] …You all right there love? [Alan re-positions the dummy]" } ] }, { "id": 57, "title": "Standing on the bow of the barge, his dummy wife is positioned next to him. In the background, the farmers surround an ominous large dark object, on a bridge over the river", "order_in_episode": 21, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 929, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "_[To his dummy wife]_", "text": "Absolutely! _[Then to the camera]_ The Norfolk Broads offer the true peace and tranquillity of the English countryside. A million miles from the urban decay of the Manchester Ship Canal, and the pot-smoking, whore-ridden waterways of Amsterdam. Indeed, disused cotton mills and legalised hardcore pornography are a million miles away from your thoughts as you negotiate the Norfolk Broads. In fact, the very fact that hardcore pornography is not on the agenda…", "dialogue": "Absolutely! [Then to the camera] The Norfolk Broads offer the true peace and tranquillity of the English countryside. A million miles from the urban decay of the Manchester Ship Canal, and the pot-smoking, whore-ridden waterways of Amsterdam. Indeed, disused cotton mills and legalised hardcore pornography are a million miles away from your thoughts as you negotiate the Norfolk Broads. In fact, the very fact that hardcore pornography is not on the agenda…" } ] }, { "id": 58, "title": "Alan is stopped mid-sentence by a large Friesian cow dropped on his head from above. The camera now moves frenetically around. Everyone talks at once", "order_in_episode": 22, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 930, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's going on? What's going on?", "dialogue": "What's going on? What's going on?" }, { "id": 931, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a cow. It's a dead cow! Where the bloody hell did that come from?", "dialogue": "It's a cow. It's a dead cow! Where the bloody hell did that come from?" }, { "id": 932, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Where did the cow come from?", "dialogue": "Where did the cow come from?" }, { "id": 933, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Farmers!", "dialogue": "Farmers!" }, { "id": 934, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know it's not funny. I know it's not funny.", "dialogue": "I know it's not funny. I know it's not funny." }, { "id": 935, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can you hear me? I'm trapped under a cow.", "dialogue": "Can you hear me? I'm trapped under a cow." }, { "id": 936, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alright, he's OK. Look, get the cow off the boat please.", "dialogue": "Alright, he's OK. Look, get the cow off the boat please." }, { "id": 937, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Get that cow off the boat!", "dialogue": "Get that cow off the boat!" }, { "id": 938, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm not OK. I'm not OK. Help! I can feel an udder on my leg.", "dialogue": "I'm not OK. I'm not OK. Help! I can feel an udder on my leg." }, { "id": 939, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Call Cliff Thorburn now, please.", "dialogue": "Call Cliff Thorburn now, please." }, { "id": 940, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Cliff Thorburn is not, primarily, a presenter. He is a snooker — ex-snooker player — and is an unknown quantity.", "dialogue": "Cliff Thorburn is not, primarily, a presenter. He is a snooker — ex-snooker player — and is an unknown quantity." }, { "id": 941, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, but he's not under a cow.", "dialogue": "Yeah, but he's not under a cow." } ] }, { "id": 59, "title": "Cuts to a scene with Alan upright", "order_in_episode": 23, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 942, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So book a holiday with Hamilton's. _'Water' way_ to have a good time. Cheers!", "dialogue": "So book a holiday with Hamilton's. 'Water' way to have a good time. Cheers!" }, { "id": 943, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 13, "first_name": "Steve", "last_name": "Bennett", "full_name": "Steve Bennett" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Off-camera]_", "text": "Cut! OK, stick him in the ambulance. _[Camera pulls back and Alan is attached to a stretcher]_ Lovely, great, well done.", "dialogue": "Cut! OK, stick him in the ambulance. [Camera pulls back and Alan is attached to a stretcher] Lovely, great, well done." }, { "id": 944, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": "_[Off-camera]_", "text": "Cheers, Alan!", "dialogue": "Cheers, Alan!" }, { "id": 945, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you.", "dialogue": "Thank you." }, { "id": 946, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 14, "first_name": "Hugh", "last_name": "Morris", "full_name": "Hugh Morris" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well done.", "dialogue": "Well done." }, { "id": 947, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good luck with the edit.", "dialogue": "Good luck with the edit." } ] }, { "id": 60, "title": "Alan is back at the Travel Tavern after being released from hospital. He settles on the bed and switches on the TV. Bored, he picks up the phone to call reception", "order_in_episode": 24, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 948, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, is that reception? Susan? Oh, hi. Can you make pornography come on my telly please? Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you.", "dialogue": "Hello, is that reception? Susan? Oh, hi. Can you make pornography come on my telly please? Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you." }, { "id": 949, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ohhh.", "dialogue": "Ohhh." } ] } ], "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/episodes/im-alan-partridge/series-1/episode-3-watership-alan", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-1/episode-3-watership-alan" } } }