{ "data": { "id": 7, "title": "The Talented Mr Alan", "slug": "episode-1-the-talented-mr-alan", "episode_number": 1, "episode_code": "S02E01", "overview": "After a nervous breakdown which saw him driving all the way to Dundee in his bare feet, Alan has managed to rebuild his life. He has usurped a coveted slot on Radio Norwich, much to the annoyance of fellow DJ Dave Clifton, and has a girlfriend, the oddball Ukrainian Sonja. He has also finally moved on from the Linton Travel Tavern - into a caravan.", "description": "Five years and one nervous breakdown later, Alan is back on Radio Norwich, albeit in a better timeslot, and has released an autobiography, \"Bouncing Back\". He is currently living in a caravan while his dream house is being built and is seeing a younger woman, a scatterbrained Ukrainian immigrant called Sonja. He is still friends with Michael, the Geordie handyman from the Linton Travel Tavern who now works at a BP petrol station, which Alan uses as a hangout spot. While there he runs into his old school teacher, who invites him to give a talk at his school. Alan uses this as an excuse to screen one of his videos of him presenting car crash clips and leering at glamour models in skimpy costumes.", "first_aired": "2002-11-11T00:00:00.000Z", "intro_image_url": null, "series": { "id": 2, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge: Series 2", "slug": "series-2", "series_number": 2, "series_code": "S02", "programme": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge", "slug": "im-alan-partridge", "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/programmes/im-alan-partridge.json" } }, "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/series/im-alan-partridge/series-2.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-2" } }, "scenes": [ { "id": 105, "title": "Alan presenting Norfolk Nights in the studio", "order_in_episode": 1, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1837, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 33, "first_name": "Woman", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Woman" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I enjoyed the Hobbit more than \"Riverdance\". And I think that lots of boys on an island killing a fat boy is not so enjoyable as Gandalf, with a long white beard.", "dialogue": "Well I enjoyed the Hobbit more than \"Riverdance\". And I think that lots of boys on an island killing a fat boy is not so enjoyable as Gandalf, with a long white beard." }, { "id": 1838, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Okay, if you've just joined us, we're talking about who is the best lord. \"Lord of the Rings\", \"of the Dance\" or \"of the Flies\". That's tonight's \"hot topic\". Okay the votes are closed and clearly \"the Rings\" and \"the Flies\" have been roundly trounced by the quick feet of blouse-wearing tycoon Michael Flatley. \"Flatley, my dear, I don't Riverdance… Give a damn.\" It's 11pm. Time for 'Alan's Love Asylum'. It's basically sex music.", "dialogue": "Okay, if you've just joined us, we're talking about who is the best lord. \"Lord of the Rings\", \"of the Dance\" or \"of the Flies\". That's tonight's \"hot topic\". Okay the votes are closed and clearly \"the Rings\" and \"the Flies\" have been roundly trounced by the quick feet of blouse-wearing tycoon Michael Flatley. \"Flatley, my dear, I don't Riverdance… Give a damn.\" It's 11pm. Time for 'Alan's Love Asylum'. It's basically sex music." } ] }, { "id": 106, "title": "Alan hands over to Dave Clifton", "order_in_episode": 2, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1839, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was the Corrs – three little birds I think we'd all like to … prey upon, and steal their eggs. I'm off now, time to leave you in the very capable hands of Dave Clifton, who's going to be with you till 4am with his 'Nightclub'. What have you got lined up for us Dave?", "dialogue": "That was the Corrs – three little birds I think we'd all like to … prey upon, and steal their eggs. I'm off now, time to leave you in the very capable hands of Dave Clifton, who's going to be with you till 4am with his 'Nightclub'. What have you got lined up for us Dave?" }, { "id": 1840, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Actually it's ladies' night tonight, special night.", "dialogue": "Actually it's ladies' night tonight, special night." }, { "id": 1841, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ooh, maybe a wet t-shirt competition?", "dialogue": "Ooh, maybe a wet t-shirt competition?" }, { "id": 1842, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ooh you never know, could be.", "dialogue": "Ooh you never know, could be." }, { "id": 1843, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How does that work on radio?", "dialogue": "How does that work on radio?" }, { "id": 1844, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've got to use your imagination Alan actually; I tell you what there's rather a lot of ladies in here tonight. Steady, girls, steady. Ooh, I'm all wet!", "dialogue": "You've got to use your imagination Alan actually; I tell you what there's rather a lot of ladies in here tonight. Steady, girls, steady. Ooh, I'm all wet!" }, { "id": 1845, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I can hear 'em, but I can't see 'em.", "dialogue": "I can hear 'em, but I can't see 'em." }, { "id": 1846, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yup, that's because you're not on…", "dialogue": "Yup, that's because you're not on…" }, { "id": 1847, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm off for a mushroom slice at the BP garage", "dialogue": "I'm off for a mushroom slice at the BP garage" }, { "id": 1848, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, get me one chum!", "dialogue": "Oh, get me one chum!" } ] }, { "id": 107, "title": "Alan visits Michael at the BP garage", "order_in_episode": 3, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1849, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Two Flavia frothy cappuccinos, coming right up!", "dialogue": "Two Flavia frothy cappuccinos, coming right up!" }, { "id": 1850, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ahh, you're a gentleman.", "dialogue": "Ahh, you're a gentleman." }, { "id": 1851, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh look, there's that idiot in the black Hillman Imp. Is he going to get petrol? No. He's just using the forecourt to turn round. He thinks he's Rod Stewart!", "dialogue": "Oh look, there's that idiot in the black Hillman Imp. Is he going to get petrol? No. He's just using the forecourt to turn round. He thinks he's Rod Stewart!" }, { "id": 1852, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hey, your road safety video's doing well.", "dialogue": "Hey, your road safety video's doing well." }, { "id": 1853, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, 'Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video'?", "dialogue": "What, 'Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video'?" }, { "id": 1854, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, we've sold three. Better than yer book like.", "dialogue": "Aye, we've sold three. Better than yer book like." }, { "id": 1855, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, well unfortunately Michael, we live in a world where people would much rather watch clips of idiots driving cars like maniacs into berks… than a book which has been described as, and I quote 'lovely stuff'. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin' Stevens.", "dialogue": "Yeah, well unfortunately Michael, we live in a world where people would much rather watch clips of idiots driving cars like maniacs into berks… than a book which has been described as, and I quote 'lovely stuff'. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin' Stevens." }, { "id": 1856, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You could always reduce the price, like.", "dialogue": "You could always reduce the price, like." }, { "id": 1857, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, again? Mike you're not pushing them hard enough. Pretend I'm a customer and try and sell me the book. Hello.", "dialogue": "What, again? Mike you're not pushing them hard enough. Pretend I'm a customer and try and sell me the book. Hello." }, { "id": 1858, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What pump number?", "dialogue": "What pump number?" }, { "id": 1859, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Um… three. No, no, four. It doesn't matter, does it?", "dialogue": "Um… three. No, no, four. It doesn't matter, does it?" }, { "id": 1860, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no.", "dialogue": "No, no." }, { "id": 1861, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Four. No, three, it's got the paper hand towels, I like three, yeah.", "dialogue": "Four. No, three, it's got the paper hand towels, I like three, yeah." }, { "id": 1862, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Would you also like this book?", "dialogue": "Would you also like this book?" }, { "id": 1863, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's it about?", "dialogue": "What's it about?" }, { "id": 1864, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's about this local fella what used to be on television right, but, he wasn't very good, so now he's not. He went right down right, and hit rock bottom man, and now he's on his way back up right, but I mean he'll never get back to where he was, 'cause them days is over like, but he's coming back a bit.", "dialogue": "It's about this local fella what used to be on television right, but, he wasn't very good, so now he's not. He went right down right, and hit rock bottom man, and now he's on his way back up right, but I mean he'll never get back to where he was, 'cause them days is over like, but he's coming back a bit." }, { "id": 1865, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I don't want to read that, that sounds depressing.", "dialogue": "Well I don't want to read that, that sounds depressing." }, { "id": 1866, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You just want the petrol then?", "dialogue": "You just want the petrol then?" }, { "id": 1867, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael your sales technique is awful. And you're low on Bodyline Brushable Joint Sealer.", "dialogue": "Michael your sales technique is awful. And you're low on Bodyline Brushable Joint Sealer." }, { "id": 1868, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh aye, we are. Captain Partridge, would you look after the fort while I go on a resupply mission?", "dialogue": "Oh aye, we are. Captain Partridge, would you look after the fort while I go on a resupply mission?" }, { "id": 1869, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You work in a petrol station Michael, it's not the Gulf War. Which, ironically, it is like a large petrol station.", "dialogue": "You work in a petrol station Michael, it's not the Gulf War. Which, ironically, it is like a large petrol station." } ] }, { "id": 108, "title": "Alan takes over the sales counter while Michael gets stock", "order_in_episode": 4, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1870, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry, I'm not Enya.", "dialogue": "Sorry, I'm not Enya." }, { "id": 1871, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 34, "first_name": "Man", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Man" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pump number three.", "dialogue": "Pump number three." }, { "id": 1872, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good pump. 'F Raphael'. That's funny, I used to have a teacher at school called Frank Raphael. Sweaty Raphael we used to call him. Great big sweating stains under his armpits. I've just realised it's you. How the devil are you?", "dialogue": "Good pump. 'F Raphael'. That's funny, I used to have a teacher at school called Frank Raphael. Sweaty Raphael we used to call him. Great big sweating stains under his armpits. I've just realised it's you. How the devil are you?" }, { "id": 1873, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan Partridge.", "dialogue": "Alan Partridge." }, { "id": 1874, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The very same. So what are you up to now?", "dialogue": "The very same. So what are you up to now?" }, { "id": 1875, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm still at the old school, but, well I'm the headmaster now.", "dialogue": "I'm still at the old school, but, well I'm the headmaster now." }, { "id": 1876, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good call.", "dialogue": "Good call." }, { "id": 1877, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I remember you. Didn't you used to be on the television?", "dialogue": "I remember you. Didn't you used to be on the television?" }, { "id": 1878, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I got out of that. Unpleasant people. Bitter Bastards.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I got out of that. Unpleasant people. Bitter Bastards." }, { "id": 1879, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, in education authorities you find quite a few of those as well.", "dialogue": "Yes, in education authorities you find quite a few of those as well." }, { "id": 1880, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, I think every profession has its… shits. Sorry about the bad language… actually, I don't have to apologise anymore do I? Big balls! Fanny hair.", "dialogue": "Yes, I think every profession has its… shits. Sorry about the bad language… actually, I don't have to apologise anymore do I? Big balls! Fanny hair." }, { "id": 1881, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And a bag of Minstrels.", "dialogue": "And a bag of Minstrels." }, { "id": 1882, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ooh! Yeah, we all sweat don't we? I mean, I used to sweat like a zoo. And I do mean the smell as well, 'cause although you sweated, you didn't smell. That was another teacher, that was Kacky Raphael. That's you as well. Shoot me in the head with a massive gun! I remember you once caned me for having a chalk penis drawn on the back of my blazer.", "dialogue": "Ooh! Yeah, we all sweat don't we? I mean, I used to sweat like a zoo. And I do mean the smell as well, 'cause although you sweated, you didn't smell. That was another teacher, that was Kacky Raphael. That's you as well. Shoot me in the head with a massive gun! I remember you once caned me for having a chalk penis drawn on the back of my blazer." }, { "id": 1883, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, that was a long time ago Alan.", "dialogue": "Well, that was a long time ago Alan." }, { "id": 1884, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well that's what Nazi war criminals say.", "dialogue": "Well that's what Nazi war criminals say." }, { "id": 1885, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Funny, I bumped into another old boy recently, Tony Spillane. He came and gave a talk to our sixth formers.", "dialogue": "Funny, I bumped into another old boy recently, Tony Spillane. He came and gave a talk to our sixth formers." }, { "id": 1886, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hm. You realise that there was no way I could have drawn a chalk penis on my back. Ask yourself two questions, how and why?", "dialogue": "Hm. You realise that there was no way I could have drawn a chalk penis on my back. Ask yourself two questions, how and why?" }, { "id": 1887, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, urm, lovely to see you again Alan.", "dialogue": "Well, urm, lovely to see you again Alan." }, { "id": 1888, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I could give a talk to the pupils.", "dialogue": "I could give a talk to the pupils." }, { "id": 1889, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well if we need someone to talk to the boys and girls about working in a petrol station, I'll be onto you.", "dialogue": "Well if we need someone to talk to the boys and girls about working in a petrol station, I'll be onto you." }, { "id": 1890, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you think I work in a petrol station?", "dialogue": "Do you think I work in a petrol station?" }, { "id": 1891, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, I just paid you for petrol and a packet of Minstrels.", "dialogue": "Well, I just paid you for petrol and a packet of Minstrels." }, { "id": 1892, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, this is the man that runs the place. Well, he doesn't run it, he's the work Geordie. I'm not at his level. He's always been at this level.", "dialogue": "No, this is the man that runs the place. Well, he doesn't run it, he's the work Geordie. I'm not at his level. He's always been at this level." }, { "id": 1893, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, 'cause when I was in the army, I…", "dialogue": "Aye, 'cause when I was in the army, I…" }, { "id": 1894, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Whatever. I'm doing much better than him. I left the BBC, formed a production company. That went into liquidation, voluntarily. Then I was out of work for two years, I was clinically fed up, boo-hoo…", "dialogue": "Whatever. I'm doing much better than him. I left the BBC, formed a production company. That went into liquidation, voluntarily. Then I was out of work for two years, I was clinically fed up, boo-hoo…" }, { "id": 1895, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why do I need to know all this?", "dialogue": "Why do I need to know all this?" }, { "id": 1896, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Because I've bounced back. People bounce back. Dennis Hopper, Rolf Harris… there are others.", "dialogue": "Because I've bounced back. People bounce back. Dennis Hopper, Rolf Harris… there are others." }, { "id": 1897, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can I get to my car?", "dialogue": "Can I get to my car?" }, { "id": 1898, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's not going to drive off by itself. It's not Herbie. The point is, I now have the third best slot on Radio Norwich, I have a military-based quiz show on cable television called \"Skirmish\", and I've got a girlfriend. And I think your pupils are gonna want to know about that.", "dialogue": "It's not going to drive off by itself. It's not Herbie. The point is, I now have the third best slot on Radio Norwich, I have a military-based quiz show on cable television called \"Skirmish\", and I've got a girlfriend. And I think your pupils are gonna want to know about that." }, { "id": 1899, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Absolutely, I'll be in touch.", "dialogue": "Absolutely, I'll be in touch." }, { "id": 1900, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If we set it up now, then Michael can press the button to let you go.", "dialogue": "If we set it up now, then Michael can press the button to let you go." }, { "id": 1901, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Would you like this book in a bag?", "dialogue": "Would you like this book in a bag?" }, { "id": 1902, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Not now Michael.", "dialogue": "Not now Michael." }, { "id": 1903, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alright then, why don't you come and give a talk on Wednesday evening?", "dialogue": "Alright then, why don't you come and give a talk on Wednesday evening?" }, { "id": 1904, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, release the headmaster.", "dialogue": "Michael, release the headmaster." } ] }, { "id": 109, "title": "Alan discusses the day ahead with Lynn at home", "order_in_episode": 5, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1905, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello Lynn, would you like a coffee? Coffee machines are the future, Lynn. Kettles are sad. Okay Lynn, what do you think of the polo neck? Balls out of the bath on this one.", "dialogue": "Hello Lynn, would you like a coffee? Coffee machines are the future, Lynn. Kettles are sad. Okay Lynn, what do you think of the polo neck? Balls out of the bath on this one." }, { "id": 1906, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think it's rather snazzy.", "dialogue": "I think it's rather snazzy." }, { "id": 1907, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think your hair's snazzy. Is that your mother's money coming through?", "dialogue": "I think your hair's snazzy. Is that your mother's money coming through?" }, { "id": 1908, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes." }, { "id": 1909, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All part of the bereavement dividend.", "dialogue": "All part of the bereavement dividend." }, { "id": 1910, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I had to change her sheets every day for ten years.", "dialogue": "I had to change her sheets every day for ten years." }, { "id": 1911, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I don't know how you managed it. I mean, she was a bit of a heffalump, God rest her soul. She was a big woman. I'm tempted to say she was big-hearted, but that would be bullshit. Okay Lynn, make for the banquette. Thanks for changing the gas bottle. I heard you clinking. Okay, what have you got for me? Shoot from your hip – your new hip.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I don't know how you managed it. I mean, she was a bit of a heffalump, God rest her soul. She was a big woman. I'm tempted to say she was big-hearted, but that would be bullshit. Okay Lynn, make for the banquette. Thanks for changing the gas bottle. I heard you clinking. Okay, what have you got for me? Shoot from your hip – your new hip." }, { "id": 1912, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've got a 1 o'clock meeting with Siobhan from Meteor Productions to talk about \"Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video 2\". Do you need me to be there?", "dialogue": "You've got a 1 o'clock meeting with Siobhan from Meteor Productions to talk about \"Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video 2\". Do you need me to be there?" }, { "id": 1913, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't need you anywhere. I'd like you to be there. Your problem with Meteor Productions Lynn, is that you don't like them because they make wet t-shirt videos. It's not hardcore super sex. If you had taken the trouble to watch \"Boob Olympics\", as I have, then you'd realise there is a competitive element.", "dialogue": "I don't need you anywhere. I'd like you to be there. Your problem with Meteor Productions Lynn, is that you don't like them because they make wet t-shirt videos. It's not hardcore super sex. If you had taken the trouble to watch \"Boob Olympics\", as I have, then you'd realise there is a competitive element." }, { "id": 1914, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If it makes you happy.", "dialogue": "If it makes you happy." }, { "id": 1915, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, the money that pays for the black granite work surfaces in the kitchen, the brass dimmer switches, your eight grand a year… all comes from Meteor. Who happen to produce \"Boob Olympics\", \"The Eurovision Thong Contest\", and \"Wet Christmas\".", "dialogue": "Lynn, the money that pays for the black granite work surfaces in the kitchen, the brass dimmer switches, your eight grand a year… all comes from Meteor. Who happen to produce \"Boob Olympics\", \"The Eurovision Thong Contest\", and \"Wet Christmas\"." } ] }, { "id": 110, "title": "Alan checks on the builders at his new house", "order_in_episode": 6, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1916, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alright guys, see the match?", "dialogue": "Alright guys, see the match?" }, { "id": 1917, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Which one?", "dialogue": "Which one?" }, { "id": 1918, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Dunno.", "dialogue": "Dunno." }, { "id": 1919, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How's it going Mr. Partridge?", "dialogue": "How's it going Mr. Partridge?" }, { "id": 1920, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, cool, cool.", "dialogue": "Yeah, cool, cool." }, { "id": 1921, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You see what I done in the toilet?", "dialogue": "You see what I done in the toilet?" }, { "id": 1922, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How do you mean?", "dialogue": "How do you mean?" }, { "id": 1923, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well I retiled it.", "dialogue": "Well I retiled it." }, { "id": 1924, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh right…", "dialogue": "Oh right…" }, { "id": 1925, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I tell you what mate, we've got something for you… Stick this on.", "dialogue": "I tell you what mate, we've got something for you… Stick this on." }, { "id": 1926, "line_number": 11, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Carl hands Alan a hard hat with 'BOSS' written on the front]_", "dialogue": "[Carl hands Alan a hard hat with 'BOSS' written on the front]" }, { "id": 1927, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Although it is amusing, there is a serious reason why I'm wearing this Lynn. Insurance. And no offence Lynn-", "dialogue": "Although it is amusing, there is a serious reason why I'm wearing this Lynn. Insurance. And no offence Lynn-" }, { "id": 1928, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh none taken.", "dialogue": "Oh none taken." }, { "id": 1929, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You don't know what I'm going to say yet. Wait till I've said what I'm going to say before you decide not to take offence. You see, no offence Lynn, but your life is technically not worth insuring.", "dialogue": "You don't know what I'm going to say yet. Wait till I've said what I'm going to say before you decide not to take offence. You see, no offence Lynn, but your life is technically not worth insuring." }, { "id": 1930, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can we talk about the office area?", "dialogue": "Can we talk about the office area?" }, { "id": 1931, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Okay, alright, yeah, 'cause I was gonna say that I'd like it to double as a chill-out room.", "dialogue": "Okay, alright, yeah, 'cause I was gonna say that I'd like it to double as a chill-out room." }, { "id": 1932, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I didn't think you were a raver.", "dialogue": "I didn't think you were a raver." }, { "id": 1933, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm not a raver, I'm straight. I've got a girlfriend. She's only 33. Cashback. Between you and me, there are things I do with Sonja that I would never have done with my ex-wife Carol. Occasionally, I dost venture south. And when I go south, I gotta say, it's like a breath of fresh air. But two years ago I was a mess. I put on weight, I had breasts.", "dialogue": "I'm not a raver, I'm straight. I've got a girlfriend. She's only 33. Cashback. Between you and me, there are things I do with Sonja that I would never have done with my ex-wife Carol. Occasionally, I dost venture south. And when I go south, I gotta say, it's like a breath of fresh air. But two years ago I was a mess. I put on weight, I had breasts." }, { "id": 1934, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I bet they were the only ones you copped hold of weren't they as well!", "dialogue": "I bet they were the only ones you copped hold of weren't they as well!" }, { "id": 1935, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "They were actually, yeah, I was repellent to women for two years. Running along jogging with my breasts with tassels. You can make them go that way, you can make them go that way, but you can't make them go that way. Imagine dreaming about that and waking up screaming, 'cause that's what happened.", "dialogue": "They were actually, yeah, I was repellent to women for two years. Running along jogging with my breasts with tassels. You can make them go that way, you can make them go that way, but you can't make them go that way. Imagine dreaming about that and waking up screaming, 'cause that's what happened." } ] }, { "id": 111, "title": "Sonja arrives at the house", "order_in_episode": 7, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1936, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hi Alan, hello Lynn, hello the builders.", "dialogue": "Hi Alan, hello Lynn, hello the builders." }, { "id": 1937, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Watch, see, she's not stopping me.", "dialogue": "Watch, see, she's not stopping me." }, { "id": 1938, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Brilliant story to tell. Last day I was in the coffee shop where I work, and then a man came in and said he wanted coffee. He was smelly man. Tomek did not like him. Tomek said we didn't have any coffee. And then the man just went!", "dialogue": "Brilliant story to tell. Last day I was in the coffee shop where I work, and then a man came in and said he wanted coffee. He was smelly man. Tomek did not like him. Tomek said we didn't have any coffee. And then the man just went!" }, { "id": 1939, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't quite understand the joke.", "dialogue": "I don't quite understand the joke." }, { "id": 1940, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Drop it, Lynn.", "dialogue": "Drop it, Lynn." }, { "id": 1941, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So it's a coffee shop, but one man says to another man, \"you can't have a coffee\"", "dialogue": "So it's a coffee shop, but one man says to another man, \"you can't have a coffee\"" }, { "id": 1942, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That is the story, believe me.", "dialogue": "That is the story, believe me." }, { "id": 1943, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah but it don't make sense, does it? 'Cause I mean you got a man coming in for a coffee…", "dialogue": "Yeah but it don't make sense, does it? 'Cause I mean you got a man coming in for a coffee…" }, { "id": 1944, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Help me out, mate.", "dialogue": "Help me out, mate." }, { "id": 1945, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 51, "first_name": "Builder", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Builder" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Very funny story.", "dialogue": "Very funny story." }, { "id": 1946, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, it is a funny story. I think those stories are kinda best in the caravan.", "dialogue": "Yes, it is a funny story. I think those stories are kinda best in the caravan." }, { "id": 1947, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I have a question for builder.", "dialogue": "I have a question for builder." }, { "id": 1948, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why don't we go in there now? Grab her, Lynn.", "dialogue": "Why don't we go in there now? Grab her, Lynn." } ] }, { "id": 112, "title": "Alan sends Lynn to the meeting ahead of him", "order_in_episode": 8, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1949, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Guess which one of you two ladies I'm going to make love with now.", "dialogue": "Guess which one of you two ladies I'm going to make love with now." }, { "id": 1950, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll just go on up to the club and meet that video woman.", "dialogue": "I'll just go on up to the club and meet that video woman." }, { "id": 1951, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "See you later. Come on Sonja, let's be appalling. Oh, Lynn, I reckon 40, 45 minutes, how long?", "dialogue": "See you later. Come on Sonja, let's be appalling. Oh, Lynn, I reckon 40, 45 minutes, how long?" }, { "id": 1952, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "About that.", "dialogue": "About that." }, { "id": 1953, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Actually better make it an hour. I want to have a shower before and ideally, afterwards.", "dialogue": "Actually better make it an hour. I want to have a shower before and ideally, afterwards." } ] }, { "id": 113, "title": "Alan meets Siobhan at Choristers to discuss the new video", "order_in_episode": 9, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1954, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hi! Sorry I'm late, had to have a shower. Got a bit clammy. Yeaaah.", "dialogue": "Hi! Sorry I'm late, had to have a shower. Got a bit clammy. Yeaaah." }, { "id": 1955, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So, how've you been Alan?", "dialogue": "So, how've you been Alan?" }, { "id": 1956, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ruddy bloody good, actually.", "dialogue": "Ruddy bloody good, actually." }, { "id": 1957, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, his panic attacks have all but stopped!", "dialogue": "Yes, his panic attacks have all but stopped!" }, { "id": 1958, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thanks Lynn.", "dialogue": "Thanks Lynn." }, { "id": 1959, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 67, "first_name": "Boy", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Boy" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mum, I want my GameBoy.", "dialogue": "Mum, I want my GameBoy." }, { "id": 1960, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Mother", "text": "Hello. Excuse me, what's his name?", "dialogue": "Hello. Excuse me, what's his name?" }, { "id": 1961, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 66, "first_name": "Mother", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Mother" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's Todd.", "dialogue": "It's Todd." }, { "id": 1962, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, Todd? Seriously? Hello Todd. Snazzy jeans you've got on there.", "dialogue": "What, Todd? Seriously? Hello Todd. Snazzy jeans you've got on there." }, { "id": 1963, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 74, "first_name": "Todd", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Todd" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you.", "dialogue": "Thank you." }, { "id": 1964, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're welcome.", "dialogue": "You're welcome." }, { "id": 1965, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Waiter", "text": "Correct me if I'm wrong, there is a zero tolerance policy on denim in the bar.", "dialogue": "Correct me if I'm wrong, there is a zero tolerance policy on denim in the bar." }, { "id": 1966, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 37, "first_name": "Waiter", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Waiter" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes." }, { "id": 1967, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Waiter", "text": "I think there's a chap over there wearing jeans. Chap of bout six.", "dialogue": "I think there's a chap over there wearing jeans. Chap of bout six." }, { "id": 1968, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Siobhan", "text": "They're lovely at that age, aren't they?", "dialogue": "They're lovely at that age, aren't they?" }, { "id": 1969, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Mother", "text": "Did they get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! But with excellent facilities… as had the Nazis.", "dialogue": "Did they get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! But with excellent facilities… as had the Nazis." }, { "id": 1970, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok, shall we get started?", "dialogue": "Ok, shall we get started?" }, { "id": 1971, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, I have a thought. Now because the last video was called \"Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video\", and this video will feature helicopters pursuing these bad prats across fields, I thought perhaps a better title would be \"Scum On The Run\".", "dialogue": "Yes, I have a thought. Now because the last video was called \"Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video\", and this video will feature helicopters pursuing these bad prats across fields, I thought perhaps a better title would be \"Scum On The Run\"." }, { "id": 1972, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You all right Lynn?", "dialogue": "You all right Lynn?" }, { "id": 1973, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn doesn't like the old watersports.", "dialogue": "Lynn doesn't like the old watersports." }, { "id": 1974, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We don't do that.", "dialogue": "We don't do that." }, { "id": 1975, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The wet t-shirt things.", "dialogue": "The wet t-shirt things." }, { "id": 1976, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well that's not watersports, Alan.", "dialogue": "Well that's not watersports, Alan." }, { "id": 1977, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, what's watersports?", "dialogue": "Well, what's watersports?" }, { "id": 1978, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You don't know?", "dialogue": "You don't know?" }, { "id": 1979, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No I don't.", "dialogue": "No I don't." }, { "id": 1980, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You mean you don't know what watersports are?", "dialogue": "You mean you don't know what watersports are?" }, { "id": 1981, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I believe we've established that. Tell me what you mean by 'watersports'.", "dialogue": "I believe we've established that. Tell me what you mean by 'watersports'." }, { "id": 1982, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, it's when people relieve themselves on each other.", "dialogue": "Well, it's when people relieve themselves on each other." }, { "id": 1983, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Did you know that there are no Dutch elms left in Britain? Completely wiped out. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.", "dialogue": "Did you know that there are no Dutch elms left in Britain? Completely wiped out. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting." }, { "id": 1984, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Perhaps those people were caught short.", "dialogue": "Perhaps those people were caught short." }, { "id": 1985, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "They do it on purpose Lynn! Well that's the small talk over with. Let's go with the thorny issue of the fee.", "dialogue": "They do it on purpose Lynn! Well that's the small talk over with. Let's go with the thorny issue of the fee." }, { "id": 1986, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, there's no negotiation about the fee.", "dialogue": "No, there's no negotiation about the fee." }, { "id": 1987, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Siobhan, when you hire me, you don't just get some guy who used to be on TV presenting a cheap video. You do get that, but you also get my voice. Let me remind you… \"Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe, but this isn't Britain. This is the Autobahn.\" I bring an element of humour.", "dialogue": "Siobhan, when you hire me, you don't just get some guy who used to be on TV presenting a cheap video. You do get that, but you also get my voice. Let me remind you… \"Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe, but this isn't Britain. This is the Autobahn.\" I bring an element of humour." }, { "id": 1988, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I'm sorry I just can't move on the fee. Now you know we love your work.", "dialogue": "Alan, I'm sorry I just can't move on the fee. Now you know we love your work." }, { "id": 1989, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know, and I love your videos of women in bikinis being hosed down in car parks.", "dialogue": "I know, and I love your videos of women in bikinis being hosed down in car parks." }, { "id": 1990, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well it's a little bit more tasteful than that Alan.", "dialogue": "Well it's a little bit more tasteful than that Alan." }, { "id": 1991, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's called 'Titsnade Zoo'.", "dialogue": "It's called 'Titsnade Zoo'." }, { "id": 1992, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I am not negotiating.", "dialogue": "Alan, I am not negotiating." }, { "id": 1993, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You may not be but I am.", "dialogue": "You may not be but I am." }, { "id": 1994, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well then you'll be negotiating on your own.", "dialogue": "Well then you'll be negotiating on your own." }, { "id": 1995, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So be it.", "dialogue": "So be it." }, { "id": 1996, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That doesn't work. Lovely to see you, Lynn.", "dialogue": "That doesn't work. Lovely to see you, Lynn." }, { "id": 1997, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't know why you don't just go the whole hog and have me chased down the street by a helicopter in wet underpants? I mean me, not the helicopter. Although I wouldn't put that past you, some sicko would probably buy that! A big helicopter in giant underpants! Or a plane in a giant bra having a slash on an airport.", "dialogue": "I don't know why you don't just go the whole hog and have me chased down the street by a helicopter in wet underpants? I mean me, not the helicopter. Although I wouldn't put that past you, some sicko would probably buy that! A big helicopter in giant underpants! Or a plane in a giant bra having a slash on an airport." } ] }, { "id": 114, "title": "Alan confronts Lynn about mentioning his panic attacks", "order_in_episode": 10, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 1998, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why did you say I had panic attacks? You made it sound like I had a breakdown.", "dialogue": "Why did you say I had panic attacks? You made it sound like I had a breakdown." }, { "id": 1999, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You did. You drove up to Dundee in bare feet.", "dialogue": "You did. You drove up to Dundee in bare feet." }, { "id": 2000, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn! I know what really happened. You make me sound mad now. Say I didn't have a breakdown.", "dialogue": "Lynn! I know what really happened. You make me sound mad now. Say I didn't have a breakdown." }, { "id": 2001, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You didn't have a breakdown.", "dialogue": "You didn't have a breakdown." }, { "id": 2002, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know.", "dialogue": "I know." } ] }, { "id": 115, "title": "Alan and Lynn in the car after the meeting", "order_in_episode": 11, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2003, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Okay, lets go and get a couple of Soleros, I need to get my head together.", "dialogue": "Okay, lets go and get a couple of Soleros, I need to get my head together." }, { "id": 2004, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There goes Siobhan.", "dialogue": "There goes Siobhan." }, { "id": 2005, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm going to box her in at the squash court and drop my price!", "dialogue": "I'm going to box her in at the squash court and drop my price!" }, { "id": 2006, "line_number": 4, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan starts to drive off but crashes]_", "dialogue": "[Alan starts to drive off but crashes]" }, { "id": 2007, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm alright, your airbag went off, why didn't mine Lynn?", "dialogue": "I'm alright, your airbag went off, why didn't mine Lynn?" }, { "id": 2008, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I can't move my head! It's just not going! Can you see, I'm trying-", "dialogue": "I can't move my head! It's just not going! Can you see, I'm trying-" }, { "id": 2009, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Calm down Lynn!", "dialogue": "Calm down Lynn!" }, { "id": 2010, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's just not moving, I need you to understand!", "dialogue": "It's just not moving, I need you to understand!" }, { "id": 2011, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Calm Down! Air! Air! Air! Calm down Lynn! You're suffering from minor women's whiplash. It's normal. Your air bag's deployed. Mine hasn't.", "dialogue": "Calm Down! Air! Air! Air! Calm down Lynn! You're suffering from minor women's whiplash. It's normal. Your air bag's deployed. Mine hasn't." }, { "id": 2012, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well you haven't got whiplash.", "dialogue": "Well you haven't got whiplash." }, { "id": 2013, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know. I know I haven't got whiplash because my head was in contact with the headrest in the correct way, you were leaning forwards with your handbag like that, crashing like a mouse.", "dialogue": "I know. I know I haven't got whiplash because my head was in contact with the headrest in the correct way, you were leaning forwards with your handbag like that, crashing like a mouse." }, { "id": 2014, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are you all right?", "dialogue": "Are you all right?" }, { "id": 2015, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've just got minor whiplash.", "dialogue": "I've just got minor whiplash." }, { "id": 2016, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It was me that told her that.", "dialogue": "It was me that told her that." }, { "id": 2017, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You need to take her to a hospital Alan.", "dialogue": "You need to take her to a hospital Alan." }, { "id": 2018, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know I know, in fact this has all put things in perspective, so that I will now do the video for the same amount as last time to help Lynn.", "dialogue": "I know I know, in fact this has all put things in perspective, so that I will now do the video for the same amount as last time to help Lynn." }, { "id": 2019, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 72, "first_name": "Siobhan", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Siobhan" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan I think you should be taking her to hospital and we'll chat about that later.", "dialogue": "Alan I think you should be taking her to hospital and we'll chat about that later." }, { "id": 2020, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "By the way, this was probably caught on CCTV camera. And I will throw the footage in gratis. I know it's only a minor collision, but you can start off with a small collision like this, then build to a big one, with like a huge lorry sliding along on its back for ages, y'know I'll take my top off… I'm babbling.", "dialogue": "By the way, this was probably caught on CCTV camera. And I will throw the footage in gratis. I know it's only a minor collision, but you can start off with a small collision like this, then build to a big one, with like a huge lorry sliding along on its back for ages, y'know I'll take my top off… I'm babbling." }, { "id": 2021, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "It's weird isn't it, this air bag. All that powder on your face, you look like a clown. Don't smile, you've broken your neck!", "dialogue": "It's weird isn't it, this air bag. All that powder on your face, you look like a clown. Don't smile, you've broken your neck!" } ] }, { "id": 116, "title": "Alan arrives at the school to give a talk", "order_in_episode": 12, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2022, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If there's anything you need, just let me know Alan. Or you, Mrs Partridge.", "dialogue": "If there's anything you need, just let me know Alan. Or you, Mrs Partridge." }, { "id": 2023, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "She's not my wife! I hate it when that happens. Lynn, could you pop to the shops and get me… two packets of Toffos?", "dialogue": "She's not my wife! I hate it when that happens. Lynn, could you pop to the shops and get me… two packets of Toffos?" }, { "id": 2024, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I didn't know you were in the building. Phil Wiley. We were at school together.", "dialogue": "I didn't know you were in the building. Phil Wiley. We were at school together." }, { "id": 2025, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, you were in my class.", "dialogue": "Yes, you were in my class." }, { "id": 2026, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alison Partridge!", "dialogue": "Alison Partridge!" }, { "id": 2027, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, Alan.", "dialogue": "No, Alan." }, { "id": 2028, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, Alison's what we used to call you.", "dialogue": "No, Alison's what we used to call you." }, { "id": 2029, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I didn't know that. So what are you doing hanging round a school? Bit weird isn't it?", "dialogue": "I didn't know that. So what are you doing hanging round a school? Bit weird isn't it?" }, { "id": 2030, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm one of the big boys now, Alan.", "dialogue": "I'm one of the big boys now, Alan." }, { "id": 2031, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, a prefect?", "dialogue": "What, a prefect?" }, { "id": 2032, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I teach here.", "dialogue": "No, I teach here." }, { "id": 2033, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh right, I see.", "dialogue": "Oh right, I see." }, { "id": 2034, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've just remembered. Remember the day you caught me in that darkroom snogging that lab assistant, eh? What on Earth were you doing there?", "dialogue": "I've just remembered. Remember the day you caught me in that darkroom snogging that lab assistant, eh? What on Earth were you doing there?" }, { "id": 2035, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Developing photographs, 'cause that's what it was for.", "dialogue": "Developing photographs, 'cause that's what it was for." }, { "id": 2036, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It was the day you got caned, remember that?", "dialogue": "It was the day you got caned, remember that?" }, { "id": 2037, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I remember, I got a chalk penis drawn on my back by some shit. I'd love to get my hands on him.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I remember, I got a chalk penis drawn on my back by some shit. I'd love to get my hands on him." }, { "id": 2038, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was me.", "dialogue": "That was me." }, { "id": 2039, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know it was. But I really admire you teachers. You're very heroic to do what you do for such rubbish money. Tell me, exactly how much do you teachers earn?", "dialogue": "I know it was. But I really admire you teachers. You're very heroic to do what you do for such rubbish money. Tell me, exactly how much do you teachers earn?" }, { "id": 2040, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You'd be surprised. I'm earning more than you think Alan, I'm head of modern languages. Ich weiss nicht was soll es bedeuten!", "dialogue": "You'd be surprised. I'm earning more than you think Alan, I'm head of modern languages. Ich weiss nicht was soll es bedeuten!" }, { "id": 2041, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. I've got a girlfriend.", "dialogue": "Yeah. I've got a girlfriend." }, { "id": 2042, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got a wife.", "dialogue": "I've got a wife." }, { "id": 2043, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Is she older than you or younger than you?", "dialogue": "Is she older than you or younger than you?" }, { "id": 2044, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well if you must know Alan, she's older than me. She's 52.", "dialogue": "Well if you must know Alan, she's older than me. She's 52." }, { "id": 2045, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "My girlfriend's 33. I'm 47. She's 14 years younger than me. Back of the net!", "dialogue": "My girlfriend's 33. I'm 47. She's 14 years younger than me. Back of the net!" }, { "id": 2046, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well if I can just put you in the room and get the kids.", "dialogue": "Well if I can just put you in the room and get the kids." }, { "id": 2047, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Don't draw a cock!", "dialogue": "Don't draw a cock!" } ] }, { "id": 117, "title": "Alan gives his talk to the school kids", "order_in_episode": 13, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2048, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hi kids, it's great to be back in my fine old school. I nearly sent my son Fernando here, but I came into some money, and was able to educate him privately. You can't muck about when it comes to your own kids. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I present a military-based quiz show on a daytime digital channel called UK Conquest. It's got 8,000 viewers. To put that in perspective, it's eleven times the population of Hemsby. Basically, terrestrial TV is a dead duck, and who watches a dead duck? Not even its mother. She just flies off depressed. I want to show you an example now of the kind of sell through video that I make. By the way there are some strobe effects in this, so please, any epileptics get out now. Because statistically, one of you is, and two of you are gay. By the way guys, if you are gay, please remember… rubber up. At your age it's still illegal. You don't want to end up in prison. Because some of those guys don't care how old you are, or if you're gay. This was filmed two years ago, and I have let myself go a little.", "dialogue": "Hi kids, it's great to be back in my fine old school. I nearly sent my son Fernando here, but I came into some money, and was able to educate him privately. You can't muck about when it comes to your own kids. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I present a military-based quiz show on a daytime digital channel called UK Conquest. It's got 8,000 viewers. To put that in perspective, it's eleven times the population of Hemsby. Basically, terrestrial TV is a dead duck, and who watches a dead duck? Not even its mother. She just flies off depressed. I want to show you an example now of the kind of sell through video that I make. By the way there are some strobe effects in this, so please, any epileptics get out now. Because statistically, one of you is, and two of you are gay. By the way guys, if you are gay, please remember… rubber up. At your age it's still illegal. You don't want to end up in prison. Because some of those guys don't care how old you are, or if you're gay. This was filmed two years ago, and I have let myself go a little." } ] }, { "id": 118, "title": "The Crash Bang Wallop video plays", "order_in_episode": 14, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2049, "line_number": 1, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Video plays]_", "dialogue": "[Video plays]" }, { "id": 2050, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a video! Hi, I'm Alan Partridge, and I drive a car, but not like this.", "dialogue": "Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a video! Hi, I'm Alan Partridge, and I drive a car, but not like this." }, { "id": 2051, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let's have a look at what this idiot did… in America.", "dialogue": "Let's have a look at what this idiot did… in America." }, { "id": 2052, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thankfully, that man was plastic. You can stop giggling, or I'll take down your particulars. But what if he hadn't been… plastic?", "dialogue": "Thankfully, that man was plastic. You can stop giggling, or I'll take down your particulars. But what if he hadn't been… plastic?" } ] }, { "id": 119, "title": "Alan interrupts the thank you to complain about the caning", "order_in_episode": 15, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2053, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'd like to thank Alan for a very interesting talk. Are there any questions.", "dialogue": "I'd like to thank Alan for a very interesting talk. Are there any questions." }, { "id": 2054, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You know this guy, he caned me for drawing a chalk penis on my back, which I couldn't possibly do.", "dialogue": "You know this guy, he caned me for drawing a chalk penis on my back, which I couldn't possibly do." }, { "id": 2055, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We'll be having coffee next door now Alan.", "dialogue": "We'll be having coffee next door now Alan." }, { "id": 2056, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll show you, it's impossible, for me to draw, watch. See?", "dialogue": "I'll show you, it's impossible, for me to draw, watch. See?" }, { "id": 2057, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "But you've more or less managed it Alan.", "dialogue": "But you've more or less managed it Alan." }, { "id": 2058, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The one he did had more detail. There were hairs at the base, and a dotted line emanating from the crown. I'll tell you something about this guy, he got the lab assistant pregnant. He never sees the kid. Back of the net.", "dialogue": "The one he did had more detail. There were hairs at the base, and a dotted line emanating from the crown. I'll tell you something about this guy, he got the lab assistant pregnant. He never sees the kid. Back of the net." } ] }, { "id": 120, "title": "Raphael confronts Alan after the talk", "order_in_episode": 16, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2059, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was an appalling thing to say, you've placed me in a rather invidious position.", "dialogue": "That was an appalling thing to say, you've placed me in a rather invidious position." }, { "id": 2060, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Don't know that word. Carry on.", "dialogue": "Don't know that word. Carry on." }, { "id": 2061, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You leave this school again and we're left with the detritus.", "dialogue": "You leave this school again and we're left with the detritus." }, { "id": 2062, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Knock it off with the fancy words mate. Say it like it is, it went tits up. Y'know, you speak like you're from the 19th century. And you sweat.", "dialogue": "Knock it off with the fancy words mate. Say it like it is, it went tits up. Y'know, you speak like you're from the 19th century. And you sweat." }, { "id": 2063, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'd like to see you sweat over your work like I do over mine.", "dialogue": "I'd like to see you sweat over your work like I do over mine." }, { "id": 2064, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't, because I use Lynx Africa. Gonna cane me?", "dialogue": "I don't, because I use Lynx Africa. Gonna cane me?" }, { "id": 2065, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 70, "first_name": "Frank", "last_name": "Raphael", "full_name": "Frank Raphael" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, but I might throw a chair at you.", "dialogue": "No, but I might throw a chair at you." }, { "id": 2066, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's still corporal punishment. See you in Strasbourg.", "dialogue": "It's still corporal punishment. See you in Strasbourg." } ] }, { "id": 121, "title": "Alan visits Michael at the garage before his show", "order_in_episode": 17, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2067, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "On tonight's show we're talking about coffee.", "dialogue": "On tonight's show we're talking about coffee." }, { "id": 2068, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, really?", "dialogue": "Oh, really?" }, { "id": 2069, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, apparently they're opening a Starbucks on Beachy Head.", "dialogue": "Yeah, apparently they're opening a Starbucks on Beachy Head." }, { "id": 2070, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oooh, nice, y'know, have a cup of coffee, admire the view, put a spring in your step.", "dialogue": "Oooh, nice, y'know, have a cup of coffee, admire the view, put a spring in your step." }, { "id": 2071, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "A spring in your step's the last thing you need on a cliff top. It's a suicide hot spot.", "dialogue": "A spring in your step's the last thing you need on a cliff top. It's a suicide hot spot." }, { "id": 2072, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, Starbucks?", "dialogue": "What, Starbucks?" }, { "id": 2073, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How are you going to kill yourself in Starbucks?", "dialogue": "How are you going to kill yourself in Starbucks?" }, { "id": 2074, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Shotgun in your mouth?", "dialogue": "Shotgun in your mouth?" }, { "id": 2075, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, there's that teacher chap.", "dialogue": "Alan, there's that teacher chap." }, { "id": 2076, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, if he hits me, will you hit him first?", "dialogue": "Michael, if he hits me, will you hit him first?" }, { "id": 2077, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, he's a customer. I cannot hit customers. I've been told. I'll go and get some stock.", "dialogue": "No, he's a customer. I cannot hit customers. I've been told. I'll go and get some stock." }, { "id": 2078, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, chicken stock.", "dialogue": "Yeah, chicken stock." }, { "id": 2079, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello Alan.", "dialogue": "Hello Alan." }, { "id": 2080, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, hand me an apple pie. And remove yourself from the theatre of conflict.", "dialogue": "Lynn, hand me an apple pie. And remove yourself from the theatre of conflict." }, { "id": 2081, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do you mean?", "dialogue": "What do you mean?" }, { "id": 2082, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Go and stand by the yakults. The temperature inside this apple turnover is 1,000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten Bramley apple is going to squirt out. Could go your way, could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down.", "dialogue": "Go and stand by the yakults. The temperature inside this apple turnover is 1,000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten Bramley apple is going to squirt out. Could go your way, could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down." }, { "id": 2083, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I've just come to make peace.", "dialogue": "Alan, I've just come to make peace." }, { "id": 2084, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, you're not going to kick my head in?", "dialogue": "What, you're not going to kick my head in?" }, { "id": 2085, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I'm not. I just think we should shake hands y'know.", "dialogue": "No, I'm not. I just think we should shake hands y'know." }, { "id": 2086, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've not got one of those…", "dialogue": "You've not got one of those…" }, { "id": 2087, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Electric buzzer? No I haven't.", "dialogue": "Electric buzzer? No I haven't." }, { "id": 2088, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ahh! You're all right you!", "dialogue": "Ahh! You're all right you!" }, { "id": 2089, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Arrgh! Jesus! How long did you put this in for Lynn?", "dialogue": "Arrgh! Jesus! How long did you put this in for Lynn?" }, { "id": 2090, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Eight minutes.", "dialogue": "Eight minutes." }, { "id": 2091, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's hotter than the sun!", "dialogue": "It's hotter than the sun!" }, { "id": 2092, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok, Alan, I'm gonna go now, no hard feelings alright?", "dialogue": "Ok, Alan, I'm gonna go now, no hard feelings alright?" }, { "id": 2093, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, ok. Help yourself to a honeycomb Yorkie for the glovebox.", "dialogue": "Yeah, ok. Help yourself to a honeycomb Yorkie for the glovebox." }, { "id": 2094, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah? Alright, I will. Take care, ok.", "dialogue": "Yeah? Alright, I will. Take care, ok." }, { "id": 2095, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, that is not a penis.", "dialogue": "Lynn, that is not a penis." }, { "id": 2096, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's the best I could do.", "dialogue": "It's the best I could do." }, { "id": 2097, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It tapers at the end. It looks like a mouse's head.", "dialogue": "It tapers at the end. It looks like a mouse's head." }, { "id": 2098, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hey look, Mr Partridge. That bloke's just told him.", "dialogue": "Hey look, Mr Partridge. That bloke's just told him." }, { "id": 2099, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 69, "first_name": "Phil", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Phil" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Open the door! Open it!", "dialogue": "Open the door! Open it!" }, { "id": 2100, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "According to Michael there are enough supplies in here to last three weeks. Want a Mars bar? Swivel. If you came in here for a Twix, I'd stick one in your eye, one in your ear and one up your bum. But I'd have to break into another packet and I'm not prepared to do that. I'd have to use a four-fingered one and save one for myself at the end. Having washed my hands. Having said that, I've just remembered that I've got a radio show to do, so erm, let's make friends and then I can be on my way, please. If you let me go, I will give you £200 in cash, or a cheque for £230. I imagine that's a month's wages for someone like you. Hello?", "dialogue": "According to Michael there are enough supplies in here to last three weeks. Want a Mars bar? Swivel. If you came in here for a Twix, I'd stick one in your eye, one in your ear and one up your bum. But I'd have to break into another packet and I'm not prepared to do that. I'd have to use a four-fingered one and save one for myself at the end. Having washed my hands. Having said that, I've just remembered that I've got a radio show to do, so erm, let's make friends and then I can be on my way, please. If you let me go, I will give you £200 in cash, or a cheque for £230. I imagine that's a month's wages for someone like you. Hello?" } ] } ], "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/episodes/im-alan-partridge/series-2/episode-1-the-talented-mr-alan.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-2/episode-1-the-talented-mr-alan" } } }