{ "data": { "id": 8, "title": "The Colour of Alan", "slug": "episode-2-the-colour-of-alan", "episode_number": 2, "episode_code": "S02E02", "overview": "Alan's girlfriend, bonkers Ukrainian Sonja, has decided to sell mugs with Alan's face on them. Meanwhile, Michael is staying in Alan's unfinished house for a few days, and Alan launches his new conferencing company, Apache Communications, at a fireplace awards ceremony.", "description": "Michael's front door has been stolen so he is staying over at Alan's. Alan's latest gig is hosting an annual awards ceremony for a coal-effect gas fireplace company and is being visited by a representative of South African extraction. After pranking his country club backfires, Alan is forced to take the rep to his house still under construction, giving Lynn and Michael one hour to set up a conference room from whatever they can find.", "first_aired": "2002-11-18T00:00:00.000Z", "intro_image_url": null, "series": { "id": 2, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge: Series 2", "slug": "series-2", "series_number": 2, "series_code": "S02", "programme": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge", "slug": "im-alan-partridge", "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/programmes/im-alan-partridge.json" } }, "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/series/im-alan-partridge/series-2.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-2" } }, "scenes": [ { "id": 122, "title": "Alan is in the Radio Norwich studio, presenting the evening show", "order_in_episode": 1, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2101, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was Roxanne, by the Police or as they're now known, Sting. A song there about a prostitute. Doesn't say what her surname is. Must give her a call sometime. Although the effects of 23 years on the game, would not render her pleasurable to mine eye. Just time for one quick funny story before the news. On line four we have Roy from Bungay. Hello, Roy.", "dialogue": "That was Roxanne, by the Police or as they're now known, Sting. A song there about a prostitute. Doesn't say what her surname is. Must give her a call sometime. Although the effects of 23 years on the game, would not render her pleasurable to mine eye. Just time for one quick funny story before the news. On line four we have Roy from Bungay. Hello, Roy." }, { "id": 2102, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 71, "first_name": "Roy", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Roy" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello?", "dialogue": "Hello?" }, { "id": 2103, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Funny story, what is it?", "dialogue": "Funny story, what is it?" }, { "id": 2104, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 71, "first_name": "Roy", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Roy" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I sold this Makita cordless power drill in the local paper. And then six months later, I received the very same one back as a Christmas present from my brother-in-law, minus the power pack.", "dialogue": "I sold this Makita cordless power drill in the local paper. And then six months later, I received the very same one back as a Christmas present from my brother-in-law, minus the power pack." }, { "id": 2105, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I see. So the present you gave away, you then got back?", "dialogue": "I see. So the present you gave away, you then got back?" }, { "id": 2106, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 71, "first_name": "Roy", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Roy" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, that's it. Goodbye.", "dialogue": "Yeah, that's it. Goodbye." }, { "id": 2107, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What a funny story. That was a funny story. I wonder who got the power pack. News.", "dialogue": "What a funny story. That was a funny story. I wonder who got the power pack. News." } ] }, { "id": 123, "title": "Alan is in his half built house, talking to the builders", "order_in_episode": 2, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2108, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Carl", "text": "I'm in a good mood today, because I've just found out my wife has been struck off my life insurance. Spice World! Are you married?", "dialogue": "I'm in a good mood today, because I've just found out my wife has been struck off my life insurance. Spice World! Are you married?" }, { "id": 2109, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah.", "dialogue": "Yeah." }, { "id": 2110, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Divorced. I've got access to the kids but they don't want to see me.", "dialogue": "Divorced. I've got access to the kids but they don't want to see me." }, { "id": 2111, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to John", "text": "Hello, John.", "dialogue": "Hello, John." }, { "id": 2112, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Al. We've concreted the floor.", "dialogue": "Al. We've concreted the floor." }, { "id": 2113, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No bodies underneath there, I hope!", "dialogue": "No bodies underneath there, I hope!" }, { "id": 2114, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 2115, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm just joshing with you, you know. Have you put t'corpse under t'patio? I expect you get that all the time.", "dialogue": "I'm just joshing with you, you know. Have you put t'corpse under t'patio? I expect you get that all the time." }, { "id": 2116, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Not really.", "dialogue": "Not really." }, { "id": 2117, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Eeh! 'Appen he thinks I'm a right indecisive tit.", "dialogue": "Eeh! 'Appen he thinks I'm a right indecisive tit." }, { "id": 2118, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't think he likes it when you do that accent.", "dialogue": "I don't think he likes it when you do that accent." }, { "id": 2119, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well… I'll stop then.", "dialogue": "Well… I'll stop then." }, { "id": 2120, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can you not put your foot on…", "dialogue": "Can you not put your foot on…" }, { "id": 2121, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I wasn't going to I was just going to do a cockney walk.", "dialogue": "I wasn't going to I was just going to do a cockney walk." }, { "id": 2122, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Actually, I've got some good news. Because I've just come into a rrrrather substantial amount of money. I'm going to host a sales conference for Dante's of Reading, the Ferrari of the coal-effect gas fireplace industry. And if this job comes off, then as regards decision making I think we'll be in a \"can-do, go\" sid-uation. I won't bore you with the details…", "dialogue": "Actually, I've got some good news. Because I've just come into a rrrrather substantial amount of money. I'm going to host a sales conference for Dante's of Reading, the Ferrari of the coal-effect gas fireplace industry. And if this job comes off, then as regards decision making I think we'll be in a \"can-do, go\" sid-uation. I won't bore you with the details…" }, { "id": 2123, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Great.", "dialogue": "Great." }, { "id": 2124, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right! Hands off your cocks and on with your socks!", "dialogue": "Right! Hands off your cocks and on with your socks!" }, { "id": 2125, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's all right Lynn, it's just an army saying. Give us another one Michael.", "dialogue": "It's all right Lynn, it's just an army saying. Give us another one Michael." }, { "id": 2126, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Kill! Kill! Stab! Twist! Kill!", "dialogue": "Kill! Kill! Stab! Twist! Kill!" }, { "id": 2127, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael's going to be staying here for a bit, till they put his front door back on. Welcome aboard the good ship… My house.", "dialogue": "Michael's going to be staying here for a bit, till they put his front door back on. Welcome aboard the good ship… My house." }, { "id": 2128, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Alan", "text": "Do you want to tell Michael there's no smoking in the house.", "dialogue": "Do you want to tell Michael there's no smoking in the house." }, { "id": 2129, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Michael", "text": "There's actually no smoking in the house.", "dialogue": "There's actually no smoking in the house." }, { "id": 2130, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": "to Alan", "text": "Do you want to tell her whose hoose it is?", "dialogue": "Do you want to tell her whose hoose it is?" }, { "id": 2131, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "It's my house.", "dialogue": "It's my house." }, { "id": 2132, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "If you've got owt to say, you can say it to me face.", "dialogue": "If you've got owt to say, you can say it to me face." }, { "id": 2133, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": "to Michael", "text": "It's a matter of hygiene.", "dialogue": "It's a matter of hygiene." }, { "id": 2134, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to both", "text": "Whoa! Hey! Back off, seconds out, round one, ding-ding!", "dialogue": "Whoa! Hey! Back off, seconds out, round one, ding-ding!" }, { "id": 2135, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Lynn", "text": "I'd never let that happen. He'd batter you.", "dialogue": "I'd never let that happen. He'd batter you." }, { "id": 2136, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mary Poppins! What's that?", "dialogue": "Mary Poppins! What's that?" }, { "id": 2137, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh that? That's me bike. That's Desert Storm.", "dialogue": "Oh that? That's me bike. That's Desert Storm." }, { "id": 2138, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The Iraqis must have been petrified when they seen that coming over the horizon. Especially if it had one of those cigarette cards in the spokes, so it went \"Ffffff\". Aaaggggh!", "dialogue": "The Iraqis must have been petrified when they seen that coming over the horizon. Especially if it had one of those cigarette cards in the spokes, so it went \"Ffffff\". Aaaggggh!" } ] }, { "id": 124, "title": "Alan invites Lynn and Michael into the static home to bury the hatchet over a machine coffee", "order_in_episode": 3, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2139, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, I need to speak to you about something. Sonja has made me this. It's a mug with my face on one side, and a cat on the other.", "dialogue": "Lynn, I need to speak to you about something. Sonja has made me this. It's a mug with my face on one side, and a cat on the other." }, { "id": 2140, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What does it mean?", "dialogue": "What does it mean?" }, { "id": 2141, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't know, I've no idea. And I think she's planning something much worse. She's talking about selling this stuff down at the covered market.", "dialogue": "I don't know, I've no idea. And I think she's planning something much worse. She's talking about selling this stuff down at the covered market." }, { "id": 2142, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's terrible.", "dialogue": "That's terrible." }, { "id": 2143, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a disaster! I don't want my face on this! I might put it on a jar of pasta. Did you hear back from Dolmio about my pasta gravy sauce?", "dialogue": "It's a disaster! I don't want my face on this! I might put it on a jar of pasta. Did you hear back from Dolmio about my pasta gravy sauce?" }, { "id": 2144, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 2145, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let it go.", "dialogue": "Let it go." }, { "id": 2146, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hey, do you fancy a cup of delicious microwavable soup?", "dialogue": "Hey, do you fancy a cup of delicious microwavable soup?" }, { "id": 2147, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, just pop it in the microwave. Hey, Michael, can you imagine if they had microwaves in medieval times? Imagine a giant microwave and you can just pop a witch in it. Horrific!", "dialogue": "Yeah, just pop it in the microwave. Hey, Michael, can you imagine if they had microwaves in medieval times? Imagine a giant microwave and you can just pop a witch in it. Horrific!" }, { "id": 2148, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If she bursts, she's innocent.", "dialogue": "If she bursts, she's innocent." }, { "id": 2149, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. And if she comes out looking normal, but cold on the outside and hot in the middle, she's a witch.", "dialogue": "Yeah. And if she comes out looking normal, but cold on the outside and hot in the middle, she's a witch." }, { "id": 2150, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Have to remember to take the foil off first.", "dialogue": "Have to remember to take the foil off first." }, { "id": 2151, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No that's just pies.", "dialogue": "No that's just pies." }, { "id": 2152, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you mind me watching Poirot on UKGOLD?", "dialogue": "Do you mind me watching Poirot on UKGOLD?" }, { "id": 2153, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no, no, as long as you pop the earphones on. Oh, you have.", "dialogue": "No, no, no, as long as you pop the earphones on. Oh, you have." }, { "id": 2154, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Michael", "text": "Look at her, dead to the world. She's sitting in the exact spot where me and Sonja have it off.", "dialogue": "Look at her, dead to the world. She's sitting in the exact spot where me and Sonja have it off." }, { "id": 2155, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So are you still doing it twice a day?", "dialogue": "So are you still doing it twice a day?" }, { "id": 2156, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, you know, diary permitting.", "dialogue": "Yeah, you know, diary permitting." }, { "id": 2157, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Careful you don't give yourself a heart attack.", "dialogue": "Careful you don't give yourself a heart attack." }, { "id": 2158, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, it's actually quite good for you. It's cardiovascular exercise, because if you think about it, it's like press ups isn't it?", "dialogue": "No, it's actually quite good for you. It's cardiovascular exercise, because if you think about it, it's like press ups isn't it?" }, { "id": 2159, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I suppose yeah. Because you are sort of working the main major muscle groups, like.", "dialogue": "I suppose yeah. Because you are sort of working the main major muscle groups, like." }, { "id": 2160, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That is a woman?", "dialogue": "That is a woman?" }, { "id": 2161, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, it's long hair.", "dialogue": "Aye, it's long hair." }, { "id": 2162, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Could be Brian May. That's not his cup of tea. That's the other one. God rest his soul.", "dialogue": "Could be Brian May. That's not his cup of tea. That's the other one. God rest his soul." }, { "id": 2163, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Actually, I've got a book signing to do later, I've got to pop up to Choristers and get the PA. If they haven't lost it, the security is terrible. Probably even let someone like you in.", "dialogue": "Actually, I've got a book signing to do later, I've got to pop up to Choristers and get the PA. If they haven't lost it, the security is terrible. Probably even let someone like you in." }, { "id": 2164, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's ridiculous!", "dialogue": "That's ridiculous!" }, { "id": 2165, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know! And the person who stole your front door!", "dialogue": "I know! And the person who stole your front door!" } ] }, { "id": 125, "title": "Alan goes back to the house where Sonja is talking to the builders, holding two cushions with her and Alan's face printed on", "order_in_episode": 4, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2166, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You just take normal photograph into Snappy Snaps. And he put photo on cushion! This cushion is called scatter cushion. It's brilliant. I call it the scatter love cushion. Because it represents my love for Alan.", "dialogue": "You just take normal photograph into Snappy Snaps. And he put photo on cushion! This cushion is called scatter cushion. It's brilliant. I call it the scatter love cushion. Because it represents my love for Alan." }, { "id": 2167, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You can sit on his face!", "dialogue": "You can sit on his face!" }, { "id": 2168, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do you mean?", "dialogue": "What do you mean?" }, { "id": 2169, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sit on Alan's face. You know, it's a joke.", "dialogue": "Sit on Alan's face. You know, it's a joke." }, { "id": 2170, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a very filthy joke! And Alan is hitting you! And I'm hitting you!", "dialogue": "It's a very filthy joke! And Alan is hitting you! And I'm hitting you!" }, { "id": 2171, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's English for stop a horse!", "dialogue": "Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's English for stop a horse!" }, { "id": 2172, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He is being very disgusting.", "dialogue": "He is being very disgusting." }, { "id": 2173, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What did he say?", "dialogue": "What did he say?" }, { "id": 2174, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He say I sit on your face.", "dialogue": "He say I sit on your face." }, { "id": 2175, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to builders", "text": "Have you been spying on us?", "dialogue": "Have you been spying on us?" }, { "id": 2176, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 57, "first_name": "Carl", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Carl" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No!", "dialogue": "No!" }, { "id": 2177, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sonja, I'll handle this. Go and sit in the static home.", "dialogue": "Sonja, I'll handle this. Go and sit in the static home." }, { "id": 2178, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to builders", "text": "Sorry about that.", "dialogue": "Sorry about that." } ] }, { "id": 126, "title": "Alan is at Choristers to pick up the PA", "order_in_episode": 5, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2179, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, I'm a communist with a gun. I hate you lot. I've just thrown the Royal family out of a plane. Can I use your toilet?", "dialogue": "Hello, I'm a communist with a gun. I hate you lot. I've just thrown the Royal family out of a plane. Can I use your toilet?" }, { "id": 2180, "line_number": 2, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Gate opens]_", "dialogue": "[Gate opens]" }, { "id": 2181, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Utter, utter, nutters!", "dialogue": "Utter, utter, nutters!" } ] }, { "id": 127, "title": "Alan is at Norwich train station, plugging his book", "order_in_episode": 6, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2182, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello commuters, with your computers! This book would fit, ideally, into an attaché case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. Not like those massive Stephen King books. They should be on wheels, shouldn't they? Embarrassing. Idiot!", "dialogue": "Hello commuters, with your computers! This book would fit, ideally, into an attaché case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. Not like those massive Stephen King books. They should be on wheels, shouldn't they? Embarrassing. Idiot!" }, { "id": 2183, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "For £10 you get a very good book, and a free torch, a Danko Night Stick as used in futuristic series \"The X Files\", there's a demonstration model tied to the chair, with a skipping rope, by that woman.", "dialogue": "For £10 you get a very good book, and a free torch, a Danko Night Stick as used in futuristic series \"The X Files\", there's a demonstration model tied to the chair, with a skipping rope, by that woman." }, { "id": 2184, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to commuter", "text": "What is it you want? Train for Lowestoft is on platform four, it leaves in five minutes so you better learn to jog again, quickly. Seriously, run. You will miss it.", "dialogue": "What is it you want? Train for Lowestoft is on platform four, it leaves in five minutes so you better learn to jog again, quickly. Seriously, run. You will miss it." }, { "id": 2185, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This book is a top business aide. As I'm sure you are sir. Look at that. Not even listening. Off to London, no doubt. Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. Catch the train to London. Stopping at: Rejection. Disappointment. Back-stabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.", "dialogue": "This book is a top business aide. As I'm sure you are sir. Look at that. Not even listening. Off to London, no doubt. Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. Catch the train to London. Stopping at: Rejection. Disappointment. Back-stabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway." }, { "id": 2186, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan! Alan! There! It's Piet Morant from Dante Fires! He's just got off the train.", "dialogue": "Alan! Alan! There! It's Piet Morant from Dante Fires! He's just got off the train." }, { "id": 2187, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He can't see me.", "dialogue": "He can't see me." }, { "id": 2188, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why not?", "dialogue": "Why not?" }, { "id": 2189, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "To the untrained eye, this could look like it's rubbish and I haven't bounced back.", "dialogue": "To the untrained eye, this could look like it's rubbish and I haven't bounced back." }, { "id": 2190, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "But you have!", "dialogue": "But you have!" }, { "id": 2191, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know! Point him out to me.", "dialogue": "I know! Point him out to me." }, { "id": 2192, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He's got a beard.", "dialogue": "He's got a beard." } ] }, { "id": 128, "title": "Alan takes Piet to Choristers for a meeting", "order_in_episode": 7, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2193, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry about the smell of urine, but there really is nothing to do around here. With Apache, it is a one-stop shop.", "dialogue": "Sorry about the smell of urine, but there really is nothing to do around here. With Apache, it is a one-stop shop." }, { "id": 2194, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What part of Birmingham are you from?", "dialogue": "What part of Birmingham are you from?" }, { "id": 2195, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, Alan. I'm actually from South Africa.", "dialogue": "No, Alan. I'm actually from South Africa." }, { "id": 2196, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, yes of course. I should have gissed!", "dialogue": "Oh, yes of course. I should have gissed!" }, { "id": 2197, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, security? I am an arsonist, with a big box of matches. Please, can I come in to set fire to the staff?", "dialogue": "Hello, security? I am an arsonist, with a big box of matches. Please, can I come in to set fire to the staff?" }, { "id": 2198, "line_number": 6, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Gate opens]_", "dialogue": "[Gate opens]" }, { "id": 2199, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Unbelievable.", "dialogue": "Unbelievable." }, { "id": 2200, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's ridiculous, they know who I am. But you could be a sex offender. All right, you've come to use the excellent facilities, but you're still a sex offender.", "dialogue": "It's ridiculous, they know who I am. But you could be a sex offender. All right, you've come to use the excellent facilities, but you're still a sex offender." }, { "id": 2201, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "But I'm not a sex offender.", "dialogue": "But I'm not a sex offender." }, { "id": 2202, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's all right, they wont ask you about it.", "dialogue": "It's all right, they wont ask you about it." }, { "id": 2203, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "But I'm not a sex offender!", "dialogue": "But I'm not a sex offender!" }, { "id": 2204, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Great! That's something we've got in common. The security is terrible here. I actually booked the room under the name of \"The Real IRA\". They didn't bat an eyelid. I'll just go and tell them it's me.", "dialogue": "Great! That's something we've got in common. The security is terrible here. I actually booked the room under the name of \"The Real IRA\". They didn't bat an eyelid. I'll just go and tell them it's me." }, { "id": 2205, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We've got to get out of here!", "dialogue": "We've got to get out of here!" }, { "id": 2206, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's the problem?", "dialogue": "What's the problem?" }, { "id": 2207, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Crossed wires.", "dialogue": "Crossed wires." }, { "id": 2208, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, shall we go to Apache?", "dialogue": "Well, shall we go to Apache?" }, { "id": 2209, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, my house? There's no electricity.", "dialogue": "What, my house? There's no electricity." }, { "id": 2210, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, you know. I'd just like to see the setup.", "dialogue": "Well, you know. I'd just like to see the setup." }, { "id": 2211, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, we'll go straight to Apache, after a pub lunch. For an hour.", "dialogue": "Yes, we'll go straight to Apache, after a pub lunch. For an hour." } ] }, { "id": 129, "title": "Alan takes Piet to his house to conduct the meeting", "order_in_episode": 8, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2212, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, there's some really nice houses around here.", "dialogue": "Alan, there's some really nice houses around here." }, { "id": 2213, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. Actually, sorry it's a bit of a building site. Technically you should have a hat hard-on. What am I saying? I mean a hat hard-on. I've done it again! Come in.", "dialogue": "Yeah. Actually, sorry it's a bit of a building site. Technically you should have a hat hard-on. What am I saying? I mean a hat hard-on. I've done it again! Come in." }, { "id": 2214, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello. How-do-you-do? How nice to-meet-you.", "dialogue": "Hello. How-do-you-do? How nice to-meet-you." }, { "id": 2215, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How do you do.", "dialogue": "How do you do." }, { "id": 2216, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This is Michael.", "dialogue": "This is Michael." }, { "id": 2217, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's a very unusual accent you've got there. Where are you from?", "dialogue": "That's a very unusual accent you've got there. Where are you from?" }, { "id": 2218, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm originally from Newcastle, like!", "dialogue": "I'm originally from Newcastle, like!" }, { "id": 2219, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael's in charge of our internet computer.", "dialogue": "Michael's in charge of our internet computer." }, { "id": 2220, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye. There's nee porn on it!", "dialogue": "Aye. There's nee porn on it!" }, { "id": 2221, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Piet", "text": "Did you understand that?", "dialogue": "Did you understand that?" }, { "id": 2222, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 2223, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good. This is Lynn. Close your mouth, Lynn.", "dialogue": "Good. This is Lynn. Close your mouth, Lynn." }, { "id": 2224, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "So, this is Apache Communications.", "dialogue": "So, this is Apache Communications." }, { "id": 2225, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. We normally have three clocks on the wall, there. Telling the time in London, Paris and Dublin. Which is the same as London, but I do think sometimes you need to be reminded of that.", "dialogue": "Yeah. We normally have three clocks on the wall, there. Telling the time in London, Paris and Dublin. Which is the same as London, but I do think sometimes you need to be reminded of that." }, { "id": 2226, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm dying to hear your ideas for the fireplace conference, Alan.", "dialogue": "I'm dying to hear your ideas for the fireplace conference, Alan." }, { "id": 2227, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Grab a sofa!", "dialogue": "Grab a sofa!" }, { "id": 2228, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just over here?", "dialogue": "Just over here?" }, { "id": 2229, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sure, yeah. Let me tell you about the setup here. You can't use the toilet, because it's blocked. Yeah, you see. At Apache, Waaaaay! Sorry, this is a new table, it's not quite finished. Want to pop this on? Oh no, it's hiding a handle. Piece of fruit?", "dialogue": "Sure, yeah. Let me tell you about the setup here. You can't use the toilet, because it's blocked. Yeah, you see. At Apache, Waaaaay! Sorry, this is a new table, it's not quite finished. Want to pop this on? Oh no, it's hiding a handle. Piece of fruit?" }, { "id": 2230, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, thanks. No.", "dialogue": "No, thanks. No." }, { "id": 2231, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Did you see that?", "dialogue": "Did you see that?" }, { "id": 2232, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes.", "dialogue": "Yes." }, { "id": 2233, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I think the designer has gone for that \"toilet door balanced on a Black & Decker Workmate\" effect.", "dialogue": "I think the designer has gone for that \"toilet door balanced on a Black & Decker Workmate\" effect." }, { "id": 2234, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I can't see you.", "dialogue": "Alan, I can't see you." }, { "id": 2235, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's fine. No problem. I'll just hop up here.", "dialogue": "That's fine. No problem. I'll just hop up here." }, { "id": 2236, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That caravan there, whose is it?", "dialogue": "That caravan there, whose is it?" }, { "id": 2237, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The builders live in there. Lynn sometimes goes in there. I don't think there is anything going on. I told her I disapprove of workplace relationships. But, shit happens!", "dialogue": "The builders live in there. Lynn sometimes goes in there. I don't think there is anything going on. I told her I disapprove of workplace relationships. But, shit happens!" }, { "id": 2238, "line_number": 27, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan falls off the sofa]_", "dialogue": "[Alan falls off the sofa]" }, { "id": 2239, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've got to laugh when you fall off a sofa! Bloody sofa!", "dialogue": "You've got to laugh when you fall off a sofa! Bloody sofa!" }, { "id": 2240, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Shall we put the lights on, or shall we wait fifteen minutes?", "dialogue": "Shall we put the lights on, or shall we wait fifteen minutes?" }, { "id": 2241, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Never mind that, Alan. All I want to know is, can you give us a pyrotechnics and light show?", "dialogue": "Never mind that, Alan. All I want to know is, can you give us a pyrotechnics and light show?" }, { "id": 2242, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Absolutely. We can do you pyrotechnics! But I recommend you start with a couple of humorous comments. Couple of jokes, perhaps.", "dialogue": "Absolutely. We can do you pyrotechnics! But I recommend you start with a couple of humorous comments. Couple of jokes, perhaps." }, { "id": 2243, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We don't want a clown, Alan.", "dialogue": "We don't want a clown, Alan." }, { "id": 2244, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh god no. You don't want a clown. They'd never get to the podium with those long shoes on. Actually, how do clowns go down in South Africa? Because, with all that make up on, they're neither one thing or the other. Are they allowed on buses?", "dialogue": "Oh god no. You don't want a clown. They'd never get to the podium with those long shoes on. Actually, how do clowns go down in South Africa? Because, with all that make up on, they're neither one thing or the other. Are they allowed on buses?" }, { "id": 2245, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, Alan. No clowns, no gags.", "dialogue": "Look, Alan. No clowns, no gags." }, { "id": 2246, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just a couple of jokes?", "dialogue": "Just a couple of jokes?" }, { "id": 2247, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, Alan. No.", "dialogue": "No, Alan. No." }, { "id": 2248, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Please?", "dialogue": "Please?" }, { "id": 2249, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, you can't!", "dialogue": "No, you can't!" }, { "id": 2250, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well there's no need for that! I only want to do a couple of jokes.", "dialogue": "Well there's no need for that! I only want to do a couple of jokes." }, { "id": 2251, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You can't!", "dialogue": "You can't!" }, { "id": 2252, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've done it again! You've said it again! Just because I've got a shit table? What do you want?", "dialogue": "You've done it again! You've said it again! Just because I've got a shit table? What do you want?" }, { "id": 2253, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I want you to turn the lights on.", "dialogue": "I want you to turn the lights on." }, { "id": 2254, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good call. Michael?", "dialogue": "Good call. Michael?" }, { "id": 2255, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye.", "dialogue": "Aye." }, { "id": 2256, "line_number": 45, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, you're there. Shall we pop the lights on?", "dialogue": "Oh, you're there. Shall we pop the lights on?" }, { "id": 2257, "line_number": 46, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mind your heeds! Coming doon!", "dialogue": "Mind your heeds! Coming doon!" }, { "id": 2258, "line_number": 47, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. Now, it does look to me like torches attached to bicycle wheel. Probably designed by the same person who did the table. I like South Africa. And I hated those people who wouldn't trade with you in the '80s. I carried on buying your tomatoes all through that period. You say tomato, I say tom-ay-to. You say to-mar-toe! I say potato, you say po-tay-toe! Let's call the whole thing a thoroughly nice chap, and doesn't matter what race he is. Lynn?!", "dialogue": "Yeah. Now, it does look to me like torches attached to bicycle wheel. Probably designed by the same person who did the table. I like South Africa. And I hated those people who wouldn't trade with you in the '80s. I carried on buying your tomatoes all through that period. You say tomato, I say tom-ay-to. You say to-mar-toe! I say potato, you say po-tay-toe! Let's call the whole thing a thoroughly nice chap, and doesn't matter what race he is. Lynn?!" }, { "id": 2259, "line_number": 48, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes?", "dialogue": "Yes?" }, { "id": 2260, "line_number": 49, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh you're there. I don't think this is quite bright enough. I think we are going to have to \"Go Nuclear\".", "dialogue": "Oh you're there. I don't think this is quite bright enough. I think we are going to have to \"Go Nuclear\"." }, { "id": 2261, "line_number": 50, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, Alan. It's too late to cancel. I'm sorry.", "dialogue": "Look, Alan. It's too late to cancel. I'm sorry." }, { "id": 2262, "line_number": 51, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's easily done. If you're going to be angry, you don't mind being angry down the centre of the table. When this meeting is over, I'm taking this table back. It's bloody useless.", "dialogue": "It's easily done. If you're going to be angry, you don't mind being angry down the centre of the table. When this meeting is over, I'm taking this table back. It's bloody useless." }, { "id": 2263, "line_number": 52, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Car hazard lights start flashing through the window]_", "dialogue": "[Car hazard lights start flashing through the window]" }, { "id": 2264, "line_number": 53, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've hit the hazards!", "dialogue": "You've hit the hazards!" }, { "id": 2265, "line_number": 54, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "If I've said full beam once, I must have said it a dozen times. Level with me Piet. Have I got this job?", "dialogue": "If I've said full beam once, I must have said it a dozen times. Level with me Piet. Have I got this job?" }, { "id": 2266, "line_number": 55, "character": { "id": 45, "first_name": "Piet", "last_name": "Morant", "full_name": "Piet Morant" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Given that it's too late to book anyone else, the answer has to be, yes.", "dialogue": "Given that it's too late to book anyone else, the answer has to be, yes." }, { "id": 2267, "line_number": 56, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Jack-a-nack-a-nory!", "dialogue": "Jack-a-nack-a-nory!" }, { "id": 2268, "line_number": 57, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Headlights come on]_", "dialogue": "[Headlights come on]" }, { "id": 2269, "line_number": 58, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ah, that's better. Full beam!", "dialogue": "Ah, that's better. Full beam!" } ] }, { "id": 130, "title": "Alan is in the caravan with Sonja", "order_in_episode": 9, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2270, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "For the conference, I'd like four glitter explosions. Twelve puff flashes. So the sequence should be puff, flash, puff, flash, bang. Well basically, can I have a condensed Pink Floyd concert for £500? Ok, thanks, Lynn!", "dialogue": "For the conference, I'd like four glitter explosions. Twelve puff flashes. So the sequence should be puff, flash, puff, flash, bang. Well basically, can I have a condensed Pink Floyd concert for £500? Ok, thanks, Lynn!" }, { "id": 2271, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You want to eat?", "dialogue": "You want to eat?" }, { "id": 2272, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What have we got?", "dialogue": "What have we got?" }, { "id": 2273, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We got eggs, we got chicken.", "dialogue": "We got eggs, we got chicken." }, { "id": 2274, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Which came first!", "dialogue": "Which came first!" }, { "id": 2275, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, I just buy the chicken on Thursday.", "dialogue": "Well, I just buy the chicken on Thursday." }, { "id": 2276, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Chicken's fine.", "dialogue": "Chicken's fine." }, { "id": 2277, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's empty.", "dialogue": "It's empty." }, { "id": 2278, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do you mean?", "dialogue": "What do you mean?" }, { "id": 2279, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The chicken is empty.", "dialogue": "The chicken is empty." }, { "id": 2280, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do you mean the chicken is empty, do you mean it's hollow?", "dialogue": "What do you mean the chicken is empty, do you mean it's hollow?" }, { "id": 2281, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, where is the chicken inside the chicken?", "dialogue": "No, where is the chicken inside the chicken?" }, { "id": 2282, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You didn't buy a display model, did you?", "dialogue": "You didn't buy a display model, did you?" }, { "id": 2283, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The insides.", "dialogue": "The insides." }, { "id": 2284, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, the giblets?", "dialogue": "Oh, the giblets?" }, { "id": 2285, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, giblets. Yes, where is that?", "dialogue": "Yeah, giblets. Yes, where is that?" }, { "id": 2286, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "But that's awful.", "dialogue": "But that's awful." }, { "id": 2287, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I like them!", "dialogue": "I like them!" }, { "id": 2288, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You might eat them in your country, sweetheart. But we don't here. I don't want to eat an intestine, or a chicken heart on a mini muffin! It's like some sort of voodoo canapé!", "dialogue": "You might eat them in your country, sweetheart. But we don't here. I don't want to eat an intestine, or a chicken heart on a mini muffin! It's like some sort of voodoo canapé!" }, { "id": 2289, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You want to make love? The bed's ready.", "dialogue": "You want to make love? The bed's ready." }, { "id": 2290, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Nar, I'm fine thanks. Just go and check on Michael.", "dialogue": "Nar, I'm fine thanks. Just go and check on Michael." }, { "id": 2291, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok. Alan, I love you.", "dialogue": "Ok. Alan, I love you." }, { "id": 2292, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thanks a lot!", "dialogue": "Thanks a lot!" } ] }, { "id": 131, "title": "Alan goes into the house to check on Michael", "order_in_episode": 10, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2293, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, Michael. Do you want to be on your own?", "dialogue": "Hello, Michael. Do you want to be on your own?" }, { "id": 2294, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, no. Fine, it's nice. Have a bit of company, you know. Keep the demons at bay.", "dialogue": "Oh, no. Fine, it's nice. Have a bit of company, you know. Keep the demons at bay." }, { "id": 2295, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I was just thinking, actually. Could you imagine if we were the last two people on earth, camped out up here?", "dialogue": "I was just thinking, actually. Could you imagine if we were the last two people on earth, camped out up here?" }, { "id": 2296, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, aye! We'd have to breed!", "dialogue": "Oh, aye! We'd have to breed!" }, { "id": 2297, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. I think I'd prefer to adopt. Men can these days.", "dialogue": "Yeah. I think I'd prefer to adopt. Men can these days." }, { "id": 2298, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'd adopt a greyhound. Coz the last one I had was right clever you know.", "dialogue": "I'd adopt a greyhound. Coz the last one I had was right clever you know." }, { "id": 2299, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, if they were that clever they would know that thing that they chase after, isn't a rabbit.", "dialogue": "Yeah, if they were that clever they would know that thing that they chase after, isn't a rabbit." }, { "id": 2300, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mind you, you know, if this fireplace conference gans well you could get yourself a helicopter.", "dialogue": "Mind you, you know, if this fireplace conference gans well you could get yourself a helicopter." }, { "id": 2301, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I'd love to fly a helicopter. There's no doubt about it, Michael, the world's getting smaller.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I'd love to fly a helicopter. There's no doubt about it, Michael, the world's getting smaller." }, { "id": 2302, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, that's global warming.", "dialogue": "Aye, that's global warming." }, { "id": 2303, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, that's something different. I'd just like to fly a helicopter all around Norfolk. You know, swoop down over a field. Scare a donkey so that it falls into a river. Hover over one of those annoying families that go on holidays on bikes. And shout at them \"get out of the area!\" and watch them panic!", "dialogue": "No, that's something different. I'd just like to fly a helicopter all around Norfolk. You know, swoop down over a field. Scare a donkey so that it falls into a river. Hover over one of those annoying families that go on holidays on bikes. And shout at them \"get out of the area!\" and watch them panic!" }, { "id": 2304, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Me, I'd have an Apache attack helicopter.", "dialogue": "Me, I'd have an Apache attack helicopter." }, { "id": 2305, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, great.", "dialogue": "Oh, great." }, { "id": 2306, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'd gan back to school. First I'd take out the labs. And then I'd type into the attack computer \"Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher\", blow him to bits!", "dialogue": "I'd gan back to school. First I'd take out the labs. And then I'd type into the attack computer \"Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher\", blow him to bits!" }, { "id": 2307, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I know the feeling.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I know the feeling." }, { "id": 2308, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Then I'd gan looking for Tom Donaldson… I'd be hovering, just doon the road from his hoose, there. And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees. And he thinks he's safe, right. And he's just about to put his key in the front door, and I'd come up from behind the hedge \"Hello, you bastard!\". He panics, right. And he gans in the hoose. So I get the 30mm cannon, and I take out the fish pond. Koi carp in there, £20 each, right. And then, I'll just tilt the helicopter over to one side, and the machine gun bullets are chewing up the drive, right. He comes oot \"Oh no! not me Triumph Stag, I've just had it resprayed!\". I cut it right in half, right. And then he gans \"Aaarrgh!\", and he runs up on the garage roof. I say \"Right, this is for you, Tom\" he goes \"No, no!\". He's beggin us, he's begging us, man. \"No! Please! Don't!\". And then I fly off to Cornwall, and just smash into the sea in a big ball of flames.", "dialogue": "Then I'd gan looking for Tom Donaldson… I'd be hovering, just doon the road from his hoose, there. And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees. And he thinks he's safe, right. And he's just about to put his key in the front door, and I'd come up from behind the hedge \"Hello, you bastard!\". He panics, right. And he gans in the hoose. So I get the 30mm cannon, and I take out the fish pond. Koi carp in there, £20 each, right. And then, I'll just tilt the helicopter over to one side, and the machine gun bullets are chewing up the drive, right. He comes oot \"Oh no! not me Triumph Stag, I've just had it resprayed!\". I cut it right in half, right. And then he gans \"Aaarrgh!\", and he runs up on the garage roof. I say \"Right, this is for you, Tom\" he goes \"No, no!\". He's beggin us, he's begging us, man. \"No! Please! Don't!\". And then I fly off to Cornwall, and just smash into the sea in a big ball of flames." }, { "id": 2309, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sleep well, Michael! Who's Tom Donaldson?", "dialogue": "Sleep well, Michael! Who's Tom Donaldson?" }, { "id": 2310, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, he's just a mate.", "dialogue": "Oh, he's just a mate." } ] }, { "id": 132, "title": "Alan is at Choristers, he has forgotten his security card", "order_in_episode": 11, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2311, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, I've just swallowed a load of anthrax, and I'd like to let-off like mad in the club bar, can I come in.", "dialogue": "Hello, I've just swallowed a load of anthrax, and I'd like to let-off like mad in the club bar, can I come in." }, { "id": 2312, "line_number": 2, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[No response]_", "dialogue": "[No response]" }, { "id": 2313, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You haven't opened the gate, well done. Now, I've just remembered, I've forgotten my card. I was showing it to a Geordie last night, he asked to hold it, and I've gone and left it in his bloody hands!", "dialogue": "You haven't opened the gate, well done. Now, I've just remembered, I've forgotten my card. I was showing it to a Geordie last night, he asked to hold it, and I've gone and left it in his bloody hands!" }, { "id": 2314, "line_number": 4, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[No response]_", "dialogue": "[No response]" }, { "id": 2315, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello?", "dialogue": "Hello?" }, { "id": 2316, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 49, "first_name": "Security Guard", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Security Guard" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello?", "dialogue": "Hello?" }, { "id": 2317, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. I think, what's happened here is I made a complaint about you, and you're pursuing a vendetta. Which, I can understand.", "dialogue": "Right. I think, what's happened here is I made a complaint about you, and you're pursuing a vendetta. Which, I can understand." }, { "id": 2318, "line_number": 8, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[No response]_", "dialogue": "[No response]" }, { "id": 2319, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello?", "dialogue": "Hello?" }, { "id": 2320, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 49, "first_name": "Security Guard", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Security Guard" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello?", "dialogue": "Hello?" }, { "id": 2321, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. You do know who I am?", "dialogue": "Right. You do know who I am?" }, { "id": 2322, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 49, "first_name": "Security Guard", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Security Guard" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No.", "dialogue": "No." }, { "id": 2323, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got it. There's a complimentary copy of my book \"Bouncing Back\" behind reception, can you see it?", "dialogue": "I've got it. There's a complimentary copy of my book \"Bouncing Back\" behind reception, can you see it?" }, { "id": 2324, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 49, "first_name": "Security Guard", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Security Guard" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah.", "dialogue": "Yeah." }, { "id": 2325, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right, great. Well, I'll replicate the cover stance.", "dialogue": "Right, great. Well, I'll replicate the cover stance." }, { "id": 2326, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 49, "first_name": "Security Guard", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Security Guard" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ok, go on then.", "dialogue": "Ok, go on then." }, { "id": 2327, "line_number": 17, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan replicates the cover stance]_", "dialogue": "[Alan replicates the cover stance]" }, { "id": 2328, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 50, "first_name": "Receptionist", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, can I help you?", "dialogue": "Hello, can I help you?" }, { "id": 2329, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, is Shaun there?", "dialogue": "Yeah, is Shaun there?" }, { "id": 2330, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 50, "first_name": "Receptionist", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Receptionist" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, he's just knocked-off for the evening. Can I help you?", "dialogue": "No, he's just knocked-off for the evening. Can I help you?" }, { "id": 2331, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no. It's fine. Thank you.", "dialogue": "No, no. It's fine. Thank you." }, { "id": 2332, "line_number": 22, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan tries to climb over the fence]_", "dialogue": "[Alan tries to climb over the fence]" }, { "id": 2333, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, what are you doing?", "dialogue": "Alan, what are you doing?" }, { "id": 2334, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Climbing over a fence.", "dialogue": "Climbing over a fence." }, { "id": 2335, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You should watch yourself, you're nearly fif…", "dialogue": "You should watch yourself, you're nearly fif…" }, { "id": 2336, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Were you going to say I was nearly fifty, Lynn? I might be nearly fifty, Lynn, but at least I… Eeeeeeegh!", "dialogue": "Were you going to say I was nearly fifty, Lynn? I might be nearly fifty, Lynn, but at least I… Eeeeeeegh!" }, { "id": 2337, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 2338, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, I've pierced my foot on a spike! It ruddy hurts like mad!", "dialogue": "Lynn, I've pierced my foot on a spike! It ruddy hurts like mad!" }, { "id": 2339, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Get yourself into the recovery position.", "dialogue": "Get yourself into the recovery position." }, { "id": 2340, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You're just quoting bits of \"Casualty\" now.", "dialogue": "You're just quoting bits of \"Casualty\" now." }, { "id": 2341, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pull it off, all at once.", "dialogue": "Pull it off, all at once." }, { "id": 2342, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Then all the blood will run out of the hole in my foot.", "dialogue": "Then all the blood will run out of the hole in my foot." }, { "id": 2343, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Pull your foot off, now.", "dialogue": "Pull your foot off, now." }, { "id": 2344, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What, and leave it on the spike?", "dialogue": "What, and leave it on the spike?" }, { "id": 2345, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, pull it off the spike. After three.", "dialogue": "Well, pull it off the spike. After three." }, { "id": 2346, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I'm not going to do it, Lynn. You pull your foot off.", "dialogue": "No, I'm not going to do it, Lynn. You pull your foot off." }, { "id": 2347, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, mine's not on the spike.", "dialogue": "Well, mine's not on the spike." }, { "id": 2348, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There's someone coming, be normal, be normal.", "dialogue": "There's someone coming, be normal, be normal." }, { "id": 2349, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Conference Attendee", "text": "Hello, Dante Fires, just through there. Ooooooh, you're gonna have a good time! Just being a bit camp.", "dialogue": "Hello, Dante Fires, just through there. Ooooooh, you're gonna have a good time! Just being a bit camp." } ] }, { "id": 133, "title": "Alan and Lynn are now inside Choristers, preparing for the conference", "order_in_episode": 12, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2350, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I feel the blood squelching in my shoe. Can you hear it squelching? Listen. Just listen, listen. Argh!", "dialogue": "I feel the blood squelching in my shoe. Can you hear it squelching? Listen. Just listen, listen. Argh!" }, { "id": 2351, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, look at you, Alan. You should be in hospital.", "dialogue": "Oh, look at you, Alan. You should be in hospital." }, { "id": 2352, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, some of these people have come from Stoke! I'm going on.", "dialogue": "Lynn, some of these people have come from Stoke! I'm going on." }, { "id": 2353, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Shall I go on for you?", "dialogue": "Shall I go on for you?" }, { "id": 2354, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, you couldn't present a cat!", "dialogue": "Lynn, you couldn't present a cat!" } ] }, { "id": 134, "title": "Alan is presenting at the conference", "order_in_episode": 13, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2355, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "A-ha-aarrgh! What a year it's been for Dante. Fires. Maybe you're here tonight with a wife, or an old flame. But what is, the burning issue? Hit your targets or you'll be, fired. But today is also about fun. Have you all got your fun packs? I've got one here. I've dropped it. I've got a list, here. It should contain a torch, a Curly Wurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a BIC-style razor, a copy of the Daily Express… ooooh, it's a good paper.", "dialogue": "A-ha-aarrgh! What a year it's been for Dante. Fires. Maybe you're here tonight with a wife, or an old flame. But what is, the burning issue? Hit your targets or you'll be, fired. But today is also about fun. Have you all got your fun packs? I've got one here. I've dropped it. I've got a list, here. It should contain a torch, a Curly Wurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a BIC-style razor, a copy of the Daily Express… ooooh, it's a good paper." }, { "id": 2356, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "First award tonight, is for the best, Christ. Not Christ. Sorry, I keep saying Christ. I know some of you may be religious. And to those people, I apolo…", "dialogue": "First award tonight, is for the best, Christ. Not Christ. Sorry, I keep saying Christ. I know some of you may be religious. And to those people, I apolo…" }, { "id": 2357, "line_number": 3, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Alan starts vomiting, hits the glitter explosion button]_", "dialogue": "[Alan starts vomiting, hits the glitter explosion button]" }, { "id": 2358, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I was supposed to hit that later. Just wait for it to finish. A glittering year ahead. You might want to read your Daily Express. Don't shine that torch in my face, mate. I've just lost a pint of blood.", "dialogue": "I was supposed to hit that later. Just wait for it to finish. A glittering year ahead. You might want to read your Daily Express. Don't shine that torch in my face, mate. I've just lost a pint of blood." }, { "id": 2359, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "On, now. As we look back at a fantastic year for direct ven… I'm going to be sick again.", "dialogue": "On, now. As we look back at a fantastic year for direct ven… I'm going to be sick again." }, { "id": 2360, "line_number": 6, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[More vomiting, then retching]_", "dialogue": "[More vomiting, then retching]" }, { "id": 2361, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You know that feeling when there is nothing coming up?", "dialogue": "You know that feeling when there is nothing coming up?" }, { "id": 2362, "line_number": 8, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[More retching]_", "dialogue": "[More retching]" }, { "id": 2363, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "August bucked the trend for downturn in fireplace sales.", "dialogue": "August bucked the trend for downturn in fireplace sales." }, { "id": 2364, "line_number": 10, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[More retching]_", "dialogue": "[More retching]" }, { "id": 2365, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ah, I sound like the devil. Foot's come out my shoe. That's not going back in, again. Do you want some more glitter?", "dialogue": "Ah, I sound like the devil. Foot's come out my shoe. That's not going back in, again. Do you want some more glitter?" }, { "id": 2366, "line_number": 12, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Another glitter explosion]_", "dialogue": "[Another glitter explosion]" }, { "id": 2367, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Two grand, that cost. I was going to give out some awards, but that's not going to happen. I mean, look at me. Go and eat some coffee, drink it. It's soup you can eat. Lots of liquid.", "dialogue": "Two grand, that cost. I was going to give out some awards, but that's not going to happen. I mean, look at me. Go and eat some coffee, drink it. It's soup you can eat. Lots of liquid." } ] }, { "id": 135, "title": "Alan is back home with Michael, outside the static home, blindfolded", "order_in_episode": 14, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 2368, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Are we nearly there?", "dialogue": "Are we nearly there?" }, { "id": 2369, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Move forward. Keep moving, you're going in the right direction. That's it.", "dialogue": "Move forward. Keep moving, you're going in the right direction. That's it." }, { "id": 2370, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, I'm not the Vietnam! I'm going to take this off.", "dialogue": "Michael, I'm not the Vietnam! I'm going to take this off." }, { "id": 2371, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No! Leave it. Leave it for a minute.", "dialogue": "No! Leave it. Leave it for a minute." }, { "id": 2372, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, this doesn't feel like a treat.", "dialogue": "Michael, this doesn't feel like a treat." }, { "id": 2373, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alright, that way. Take it off, now! There, look. I've made you a helicopter landing pad!", "dialogue": "Alright, that way. Take it off, now! There, look. I've made you a helicopter landing pad!" }, { "id": 2374, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a small H.", "dialogue": "It's a small H." }, { "id": 2375, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, man. It's big, look. You can see that from space, man.", "dialogue": "No, man. It's big, look. You can see that from space, man." }, { "id": 2376, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, I don't want aliens to see this from space. It will be embarrassing. They would look down through their giant telescope and say \"look at that idiot, he's got a baby H\".", "dialogue": "Michael, I don't want aliens to see this from space. It will be embarrassing. They would look down through their giant telescope and say \"look at that idiot, he's got a baby H\"." }, { "id": 2377, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I done it, just to cheer you up, like. You know, because, the fireplace job was knackered. Apache productions is probably gonna go down the pan, like all the other companies that you've started.", "dialogue": "I done it, just to cheer you up, like. You know, because, the fireplace job was knackered. Apache productions is probably gonna go down the pan, like all the other companies that you've started." }, { "id": 2378, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Michael, that may wery very well be the case. But I am happy. Now, that may very wery well be because I'm on morphine.", "dialogue": "Michael, that may wery very well be the case. But I am happy. Now, that may very wery well be because I'm on morphine." }, { "id": 2379, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Morphine? Oh, man. They should have put an M on your foreheed.", "dialogue": "Morphine? Oh, man. They should have put an M on your foreheed." }, { "id": 2380, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why?", "dialogue": "Why?" }, { "id": 2381, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's what you dee with battlefield casualties. You know, you put an M on their foreheed. So that the doctors know they've had morphine, it's dangerous.", "dialogue": "That's what you dee with battlefield casualties. You know, you put an M on their foreheed. So that the doctors know they've had morphine, it's dangerous." }, { "id": 2382, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's not so a little helicopter can land on your forehead?", "dialogue": "It's not so a little helicopter can land on your forehead?" }, { "id": 2383, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, helicopter doesn't begin with M, does it?", "dialogue": "No, helicopter doesn't begin with M, does it?" }, { "id": 2384, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'd like that though! I'd like that. Little helicopter landing on your head, rotor blades would cool you down like a little hand fan. On your forehead.", "dialogue": "I'd like that though! I'd like that. Little helicopter landing on your head, rotor blades would cool you down like a little hand fan. On your forehead." }, { "id": 2385, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Come on, you've definitely had morphine, haven't you.", "dialogue": "Come on, you've definitely had morphine, haven't you." }, { "id": 2386, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. Do you want some Sugar Puffs?", "dialogue": "Yeah. Do you want some Sugar Puffs?" }, { "id": 2387, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye, that'd be nice. We'll have Sugar Puffs.", "dialogue": "Aye, that'd be nice. We'll have Sugar Puffs." }, { "id": 2388, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ah, still thinking about the helicopters. The little helicopters. Like the beginning of MASH. That begins with an M.", "dialogue": "Ah, still thinking about the helicopters. The little helicopters. Like the beginning of MASH. That begins with an M." } ] } ], "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/episodes/im-alan-partridge/series-2/episode-2-the-colour-of-alan.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-2/episode-2-the-colour-of-alan" } } }