{ "data": { "id": 11, "title": "I Know What Alan Did Last Summer", "slug": "episode-5-i-know-what-alan-did-last-summer", "episode_number": 5, "episode_code": "S02E05", "overview": "Alan is anxious about a visit from the Inland Revenue. To make matters worse, he has lied to his girlfriend Sonja about exactly how well he knows U2's Bono.", "description": "After telling his Ukrainian girlfriend that he is a good friend of U2's singer, Bono, she insists on meeting him. Meanwhile, two tax inspectors come to see Alan and he's rather nervous.", "first_aired": "2002-12-09T00:00:00.000Z", "intro_image_url": null, "series": { "id": 2, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge: Series 2", "slug": "series-2", "series_number": 2, "series_code": "S02", "programme": { "id": 1, "title": "I'm Alan Partridge", "slug": "im-alan-partridge", "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/programmes/im-alan-partridge.json" } }, "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/series/im-alan-partridge/series-2.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-2" } }, "scenes": [ { "id": 167, "title": "Alan is in the studio chatting about dogs on Super Talk", "order_in_episode": 1, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3009, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was sweating lunatic Iggy Pop, part of our Tuesday night 'Punk Pack', which is climaxing at midnight with Madness. This is 'Norfolk Nights' with Alan Partridge, and we're in the middle of 'Super Talk'.", "dialogue": "That was sweating lunatic Iggy Pop, part of our Tuesday night 'Punk Pack', which is climaxing at midnight with Madness. This is 'Norfolk Nights' with Alan Partridge, and we're in the middle of 'Super Talk'." }, { "id": 3010, "line_number": 2, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Echoing]_ Super Talk! Brought to you by Ginsters Pasties", "dialogue": "[Echoing] Super Talk! Brought to you by Ginsters Pasties" }, { "id": 3011, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Tonight we're Super Talking about evil dogs. We've all seen them in those undesirable areas. Donald from Hemsby has e-mailed us to say, 'dangerous dogs should simply have their teeth replaced with strips of rubber'. I think that's an excellent idea. I'm going to make him our e-mail of the evening.", "dialogue": "Tonight we're Super Talking about evil dogs. We've all seen them in those undesirable areas. Donald from Hemsby has e-mailed us to say, 'dangerous dogs should simply have their teeth replaced with strips of rubber'. I think that's an excellent idea. I'm going to make him our e-mail of the evening." }, { "id": 3012, "line_number": 4, "character": null, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "_[Dalek voice]_ e-mail of the evening!", "dialogue": "[Dalek voice] e-mail of the evening!" }, { "id": 3013, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And Donald wins our top prize which is a kind of Action Man military figure, it's got all kinds of features, and on the box it says 'not suitable for children'. I wouldn't take any notice of that. Although my cousin did once buy a pirated Tweenie from a covered market in Brundall, and it was full of soiled bandages. Anyway, time for music now. Who's this beautiful blonde man with a lovely voice? It's Annie Lennox.", "dialogue": "And Donald wins our top prize which is a kind of Action Man military figure, it's got all kinds of features, and on the box it says 'not suitable for children'. I wouldn't take any notice of that. Although my cousin did once buy a pirated Tweenie from a covered market in Brundall, and it was full of soiled bandages. Anyway, time for music now. Who's this beautiful blonde man with a lovely voice? It's Annie Lennox." }, { "id": 3014, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was Bill Withers who, thank the Lord, is still with us. I'll be back here tomorrow with another fun prize. It's a piggy bank. It's 1am, as the whole of Norfolk sleeps, something truly evil stirs.", "dialogue": "That was Bill Withers who, thank the Lord, is still with us. I'll be back here tomorrow with another fun prize. It's a piggy bank. It's 1am, as the whole of Norfolk sleeps, something truly evil stirs." }, { "id": 3015, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right Alan, actually-", "dialogue": "All right Alan, actually-" }, { "id": 3016, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "His coffin lid opens with a shuddering creak.", "dialogue": "His coffin lid opens with a shuddering creak." }, { "id": 3017, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "An owl hoots…", "dialogue": "An owl hoots…" }, { "id": 3018, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry it's the new digital system.", "dialogue": "Sorry it's the new digital system." }, { "id": 3019, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Out pops the vampire… Count Davula of Cliftonvania. He's very fed up – not because he can't see his reflection, but because he can!", "dialogue": "Out pops the vampire… Count Davula of Cliftonvania. He's very fed up – not because he can't see his reflection, but because he can!" }, { "id": 3020, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's right Alan, actually I've been up all night drinking human blood.", "dialogue": "That's right Alan, actually I've been up all night drinking human blood." }, { "id": 3021, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Is that all?", "dialogue": "Is that all?" }, { "id": 3022, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And erm I tell you, there is one person I would love to drive a stake through.", "dialogue": "And erm I tell you, there is one person I would love to drive a stake through." }, { "id": 3023, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well that's the only thing you'll be driving since your ban.", "dialogue": "Well that's the only thing you'll be driving since your ban." }, { "id": 3024, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well maybe you should be banned from broadcasting Alan, after some of those truly shocking prizes you've been giving away.", "dialogue": "Well maybe you should be banned from broadcasting Alan, after some of those truly shocking prizes you've been giving away." }, { "id": 3025, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This coming from the man who once gave away a CD removed from the cover of a music magazine.", "dialogue": "This coming from the man who once gave away a CD removed from the cover of a music magazine." }, { "id": 3026, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 4, "first_name": "Dave", "last_name": "Clifton", "full_name": "Dave Clifton" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Ah, yes. All right folks, we're gonna Go West.", "dialogue": "Ah, yes. All right folks, we're gonna Go West." } ] }, { "id": 168, "title": "Alan is in the static home with Sonja, finishing breakfast", "order_in_episode": 2, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3027, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was the best full English breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding.", "dialogue": "That was the best full English breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding." }, { "id": 3028, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It was ruddy superb?", "dialogue": "It was ruddy superb?" }, { "id": 3029, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh yeah, I'd have that three times a day if I could, but I'd be dead.", "dialogue": "Oh yeah, I'd have that three times a day if I could, but I'd be dead." }, { "id": 3030, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It kill you?", "dialogue": "It kill you?" }, { "id": 3031, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, it's cholesterol. Scottish people eat it. Few of them make 60. Why are there holes in my 'Daily Mail'?", "dialogue": "Yeah, it's cholesterol. Scottish people eat it. Few of them make 60. Why are there holes in my 'Daily Mail'?" }, { "id": 3032, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I do collage, look. I cut out the heads of U2 and then I put on top of space clothes.", "dialogue": "I do collage, look. I cut out the heads of U2 and then I put on top of space clothes." }, { "id": 3033, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I see, and the idea is that U2 are going into space? That's an interesting thought, you should send it to the fan club.", "dialogue": "I see, and the idea is that U2 are going into space? That's an interesting thought, you should send it to the fan club." }, { "id": 3034, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I already have.", "dialogue": "I already have." }, { "id": 3035, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, you're not just sexy, you're also a very good… fan club member.", "dialogue": "Oh, you're not just sexy, you're also a very good… fan club member." }, { "id": 3036, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I also write to tell them that my boyfriend is very good friend with Bono.", "dialogue": "I also write to tell them that my boyfriend is very good friend with Bono." }, { "id": 3037, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, yes I am.", "dialogue": "Yes, yes I am." }, { "id": 3038, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Will you introduce me?", "dialogue": "Will you introduce me?" }, { "id": 3039, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah.", "dialogue": "Yeah." }, { "id": 3040, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Can I put in journal that I am very good cook of full English breakfast?", "dialogue": "Can I put in journal that I am very good cook of full English breakfast?" }, { "id": 3041, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, you can. In fact, I've made a few notes. Yes, bacon – ten on ten, button mushrooms – bingo, black pudding – snap, erm, minor criticism, more distance between the eggs and the beans. I may want to mix them, but I want that to be my decision. Use a sausage as a breakwater. But I'm nit-picking, on the whole a very good effort, seven on ten, let's make love.", "dialogue": "Yes, you can. In fact, I've made a few notes. Yes, bacon – ten on ten, button mushrooms – bingo, black pudding – snap, erm, minor criticism, more distance between the eggs and the beans. I may want to mix them, but I want that to be my decision. Use a sausage as a breakwater. But I'm nit-picking, on the whole a very good effort, seven on ten, let's make love." }, { "id": 3042, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "OK!", "dialogue": "OK!" }, { "id": 3043, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah I always find that a fried breakfast makes an excellent aphrodisiac. Excuse me.", "dialogue": "Yeah I always find that a fried breakfast makes an excellent aphrodisiac. Excuse me." }, { "id": 3044, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You don't want to wash the dishes?", "dialogue": "You don't want to wash the dishes?" }, { "id": 3045, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let's make love right here, right now. OK, just fold this table away. You should feel it clip in the housing. Yeah, I'm gonna hump ya. That's it. Like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. There we go.", "dialogue": "Let's make love right here, right now. OK, just fold this table away. You should feel it clip in the housing. Yeah, I'm gonna hump ya. That's it. Like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. There we go." }, { "id": 3046, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You want fitted sheet?", "dialogue": "You want fitted sheet?" }, { "id": 3047, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No we'll just use the large beach towel.", "dialogue": "No we'll just use the large beach towel." }, { "id": 3048, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I buy you another present.", "dialogue": "Alan, I buy you another present." }, { "id": 3049, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What?", "dialogue": "What?" }, { "id": 3050, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a London love taxi. I have put my heart in back of taxi and told driver to go to you.", "dialogue": "It's a London love taxi. I have put my heart in back of taxi and told driver to go to you." }, { "id": 3051, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aah, Don't know what you're talking about. I'll pop that up there with the others. Getting a bit crowded now, like London. Which I spell S – H – I – T – H – O – L – E. Shithole! Let's start with some petting.", "dialogue": "Aah, Don't know what you're talking about. I'll pop that up there with the others. Getting a bit crowded now, like London. Which I spell S – H – I – T – H – O – L – E. Shithole! Let's start with some petting." }, { "id": 3052, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan! Alan it's me!", "dialogue": "Alan! Alan it's me!" }, { "id": 3053, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Get in, Lynn. Lynn, what do you think is Sonja's best feature?", "dialogue": "Get in, Lynn. Lynn, what do you think is Sonja's best feature?" }, { "id": 3054, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Her hair?", "dialogue": "Her hair?" }, { "id": 3055, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Nope.", "dialogue": "Nope." }, { "id": 3056, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Her neck? Her eyes? Her eyelashes?", "dialogue": "Her neck? Her eyes? Her eyelashes?" }, { "id": 3057, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, it's her feet. Lovely dainty feet. I don't like big feet, reminds me of gammon.", "dialogue": "No, it's her feet. Lovely dainty feet. I don't like big feet, reminds me of gammon." }, { "id": 3058, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Have you decided what you're going to call the house?", "dialogue": "Have you decided what you're going to call the house?" }, { "id": 3059, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've narrowed it down to 'Lord House', 'Ace House', and 'The Cinnamons'.", "dialogue": "I've narrowed it down to 'Lord House', 'Ace House', and 'The Cinnamons'." }, { "id": 3060, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We ought to call it 'Our House'.", "dialogue": "We ought to call it 'Our House'." }, { "id": 3061, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, we could call it that. Do you wanna make a note of that?", "dialogue": "Yeah, we could call it that. Do you wanna make a note of that?" }, { "id": 3062, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Now, Alan, I need to know, you're completely ready for the Inland Revenue? Have you got all your receipts?", "dialogue": "Now, Alan, I need to know, you're completely ready for the Inland Revenue? Have you got all your receipts?" }, { "id": 3063, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, some are on a spike over there, you've got some in a fat envelope, and the rest are in a shoe box which I threw off a ferry. That was a low point.", "dialogue": "Yes, some are on a spike over there, you've got some in a fat envelope, and the rest are in a shoe box which I threw off a ferry. That was a low point." }, { "id": 3064, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Now, be prepared, these tax people can stay indefinitely.", "dialogue": "Now, be prepared, these tax people can stay indefinitely." }, { "id": 3065, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, if I have to put back my roger with Sonja one more time, I'll be fit to burst. I'll have to resort to plan B.", "dialogue": "Lynn, if I have to put back my roger with Sonja one more time, I'll be fit to burst. I'll have to resort to plan B." }, { "id": 3066, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Have you got everything ready for the meeting?", "dialogue": "Have you got everything ready for the meeting?" }, { "id": 3067, "line_number": 41, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, you're gonna be there with me.", "dialogue": "Well, you're gonna be there with me." }, { "id": 3068, "line_number": 42, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "They're not investigating me.", "dialogue": "They're not investigating me." }, { "id": 3069, "line_number": 43, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, we're in this together.", "dialogue": "Lynn, we're in this together." }, { "id": 3070, "line_number": 44, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, what are you trying to hide?", "dialogue": "Well, what are you trying to hide?" }, { "id": 3071, "line_number": 45, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Nothing… all right, Bill Oddie gave me a dressing gown as a Christmas present. He enclosed a receipt so I could take it back if I wanted to. I submitted Oddie's receipt for tax purposes. I'm guilty as hell Lynn. And if I'm going down, you're going down with me. I want you to lie for me.", "dialogue": "Nothing… all right, Bill Oddie gave me a dressing gown as a Christmas present. He enclosed a receipt so I could take it back if I wanted to. I submitted Oddie's receipt for tax purposes. I'm guilty as hell Lynn. And if I'm going down, you're going down with me. I want you to lie for me." }, { "id": 3072, "line_number": 46, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I can't do that Alan, in the eyes of God…", "dialogue": "I can't do that Alan, in the eyes of God…" }, { "id": 3073, "line_number": 47, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lynn, Lynn, I'm on God's side. I can't stand the devil, I mean he's bang out of order, and he's an evil, evil idiot. And I know in the Ten Commandments it says 'Thou shalt not lie', but if the Elephant Man came in here now with some lipstick on and a nice dress, and said 'how do I look?', would you say, Lynn, bearing in mind that he's depressed and has got respiratory problems, would you say 'take that blusher off, you ugly misshapen-headed elephant tranny?'", "dialogue": "Lynn, Lynn, I'm on God's side. I can't stand the devil, I mean he's bang out of order, and he's an evil, evil idiot. And I know in the Ten Commandments it says 'Thou shalt not lie', but if the Elephant Man came in here now with some lipstick on and a nice dress, and said 'how do I look?', would you say, Lynn, bearing in mind that he's depressed and has got respiratory problems, would you say 'take that blusher off, you ugly misshapen-headed elephant tranny?'" }, { "id": 3074, "line_number": 48, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I'd say, 'you look very nice'.", "dialogue": "No, I'd say, 'you look very nice'." }, { "id": 3075, "line_number": 49, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Exactly, you'd say 'you look nice, John'.", "dialogue": "Exactly, you'd say 'you look nice, John'." }, { "id": 3076, "line_number": 50, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Now Alan, the tax people are coming in an hour. You've got one hour to get ready.", "dialogue": "Now Alan, the tax people are coming in an hour. You've got one hour to get ready." }, { "id": 3077, "line_number": 51, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, look what I draw.", "dialogue": "Alan, look what I draw." }, { "id": 3078, "line_number": 52, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's that?", "dialogue": "What's that?" }, { "id": 3079, "line_number": 53, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's an alien judge.", "dialogue": "It's an alien judge." }, { "id": 3080, "line_number": 54, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Golly, an alien judge.", "dialogue": "Golly, an alien judge." }, { "id": 3081, "line_number": 55, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And the alien judge… the alien judge is shooting the taxman, and the taxman's head is come off, and all the blood is squirt out.", "dialogue": "And the alien judge… the alien judge is shooting the taxman, and the taxman's head is come off, and all the blood is squirt out." }, { "id": 3082, "line_number": 56, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan you promised me Sonja wasn't going to be here when the tax people came.", "dialogue": "Alan you promised me Sonja wasn't going to be here when the tax people came." }, { "id": 3083, "line_number": 57, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I know and I've ruddy gone and forgotten haven't I? Speak very quickly, she can't understand it.", "dialogue": "I know and I've ruddy gone and forgotten haven't I? Speak very quickly, she can't understand it." }, { "id": 3084, "line_number": 58, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What can we do about her?", "dialogue": "What can we do about her?" }, { "id": 3085, "line_number": 59, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's very good. I could send her into Norwich on an errand. Sonja, what are your plans?", "dialogue": "That's very good. I could send her into Norwich on an errand. Sonja, what are your plans?" }, { "id": 3086, "line_number": 60, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I go to coffee shop of course.", "dialogue": "I go to coffee shop of course." }, { "id": 3087, "line_number": 61, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Problem solved. Sonja, Lynn's gonna give you a lift to work.", "dialogue": "Problem solved. Sonja, Lynn's gonna give you a lift to work." }, { "id": 3088, "line_number": 62, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "OK.", "dialogue": "OK." }, { "id": 3089, "line_number": 63, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And the house names?", "dialogue": "And the house names?" }, { "id": 3090, "line_number": 64, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, yes, I've decided I'm going to call it 'Excalibur Cottage'. Can't mess about on this one Lynn.", "dialogue": "Oh, yes, I've decided I'm going to call it 'Excalibur Cottage'. Can't mess about on this one Lynn." }, { "id": 3091, "line_number": 65, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, get ready for the tax people.", "dialogue": "Well, get ready for the tax people." }, { "id": 3092, "line_number": 66, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Chill out babe… love… Lynn. The last one. See ya, wouldn't wanna be… oh she's gone.", "dialogue": "Chill out babe… love… Lynn. The last one. See ya, wouldn't wanna be… oh she's gone." }, { "id": 3093, "line_number": 67, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello, Alan.", "dialogue": "Hello, Alan." }, { "id": 3094, "line_number": 68, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh! Hello… er… Tell me your name.", "dialogue": "Oh! Hello… er… Tell me your name." }, { "id": 3095, "line_number": 69, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "John.", "dialogue": "John." }, { "id": 3096, "line_number": 70, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right, John, me old mucker?", "dialogue": "All right, John, me old mucker?" }, { "id": 3097, "line_number": 71, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm from Manchester.", "dialogue": "I'm from Manchester." }, { "id": 3098, "line_number": 72, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "M62. How's it going in the living room, uncovered any old fireplaces?", "dialogue": "M62. How's it going in the living room, uncovered any old fireplaces?" }, { "id": 3099, "line_number": 73, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, it's a brand-new house, init.", "dialogue": "No, it's a brand-new house, init." }, { "id": 3100, "line_number": 74, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, good call. If you need me, I'll be in the caravan. Sorry, you're from Manchester, cotton and guns.", "dialogue": "Yeah, good call. If you need me, I'll be in the caravan. Sorry, you're from Manchester, cotton and guns." } ] }, { "id": 169, "title": "The tax inspectors turn up to speak to Alan", "order_in_episode": 3, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3101, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Mr Partridge? We're from the Inland Revenue.", "dialogue": "Mr Partridge? We're from the Inland Revenue." }, { "id": 3102, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No you're not.", "dialogue": "No you're not." }, { "id": 3103, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, we are.", "dialogue": "Yes, we are." }, { "id": 3104, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, come in then. Hello, sit over there. Ah, wolves at the door. You'll huff, and you'll puff, and… where's the other one, where's the other pig? Sorry, just met you, got off to a bad start.", "dialogue": "Oh, come in then. Hello, sit over there. Ah, wolves at the door. You'll huff, and you'll puff, and… where's the other one, where's the other pig? Sorry, just met you, got off to a bad start." }, { "id": 3105, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry, we are a bit early.", "dialogue": "Sorry, we are a bit early." }, { "id": 3106, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, that old one, the being early trick, mind games. I'm shit-chatting, sorry, chit-shatting.", "dialogue": "Yes, that old one, the being early trick, mind games. I'm shit-chatting, sorry, chit-shatting." }, { "id": 3107, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'm Monica, this is Catherine.", "dialogue": "I'm Monica, this is Catherine." }, { "id": 3108, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hi.", "dialogue": "Hi." }, { "id": 3109, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And what today is all about, it's purely a straightforward random investigation.", "dialogue": "And what today is all about, it's purely a straightforward random investigation." }, { "id": 3110, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "OK, do you want something to eat?", "dialogue": "OK, do you want something to eat?" }, { "id": 3111, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no thanks.", "dialogue": "No, no thanks." }, { "id": 3112, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I'll check the fridge. OK we've got a net bag of Babybels, you can't have those, they're for the car, I'm driving to Harrogate. Do you want a beer?", "dialogue": "I'll check the fridge. OK we've got a net bag of Babybels, you can't have those, they're for the car, I'm driving to Harrogate. Do you want a beer?" }, { "id": 3113, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No thanks.", "dialogue": "No thanks." }, { "id": 3114, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's another old trick, spike the drink, pop you in the boot of the Lexus and dump you in the North sea. I'd tie a jack to your leg, you'd sink like a stone.", "dialogue": "That's another old trick, spike the drink, pop you in the boot of the Lexus and dump you in the North sea. I'd tie a jack to your leg, you'd sink like a stone." }, { "id": 3115, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's all right, we've eaten, thanks.", "dialogue": "It's all right, we've eaten, thanks." }, { "id": 3116, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you want a little teddy bear? It's got… bean juice, I could probably put it in the washing machine.", "dialogue": "Do you want a little teddy bear? It's got… bean juice, I could probably put it in the washing machine." }, { "id": 3117, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you think we could see you?", "dialogue": "Do you think we could see you?" }, { "id": 3118, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "(as Bear)", "text": "Hello. My name's… Graham. Don't be horrible to Alan, he doesn't avoid tax, he only evades tax… no, it's the other way round, oh shut up!", "dialogue": "Hello. My name's… Graham. Don't be horrible to Alan, he doesn't avoid tax, he only evades tax… no, it's the other way round, oh shut up!" }, { "id": 3119, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why don't you just sit down?", "dialogue": "Why don't you just sit down?" }, { "id": 3120, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah.", "dialogue": "Yeah." }, { "id": 3121, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let's have a look at a couple of your company records. Now there's an entry here for Tomahawk Leisure. What was that?", "dialogue": "Let's have a look at a couple of your company records. Now there's an entry here for Tomahawk Leisure. What was that?" }, { "id": 3122, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That was a company which we set up. We looked into its operation and closed it down again. It was inoperable. I wonder if I can walk like this. I could have been R2-D2.", "dialogue": "That was a company which we set up. We looked into its operation and closed it down again. It was inoperable. I wonder if I can walk like this. I could have been R2-D2." }, { "id": 3123, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "OK, what about Apache Communications?", "dialogue": "OK, what about Apache Communications?" }, { "id": 3124, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got a leaflet on that. Mine's a pint. It's not here! 'It's not here', that's the bear again. This is going quite well, do you want a chicken drumstick?", "dialogue": "I've got a leaflet on that. Mine's a pint. It's not here! 'It's not here', that's the bear again. This is going quite well, do you want a chicken drumstick?" }, { "id": 3125, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, no thanks.", "dialogue": "No, no thanks." }, { "id": 3126, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got a chocolate Marble Arch. It's very well rendered. I should have got them to do the house. Better than these bastards. Still, at least they're cash in hand.", "dialogue": "I've got a chocolate Marble Arch. It's very well rendered. I should have got them to do the house. Better than these bastards. Still, at least they're cash in hand." }, { "id": 3127, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, 'cash in hand'? It's not a phrase we like.", "dialogue": "Alan, 'cash in hand'? It's not a phrase we like." }, { "id": 3128, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look, Alan, just relax, OK? As long as everything's above board, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about.", "dialogue": "Look, Alan, just relax, OK? As long as everything's above board, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about." }, { "id": 3129, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've got nothing to hide. Search me! Search me! Oh, that's Customs and Excise isn't it…", "dialogue": "I've got nothing to hide. Search me! Search me! Oh, that's Customs and Excise isn't it…" }, { "id": 3130, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Right. Could we have a look at the receipts on your spike?", "dialogue": "Right. Could we have a look at the receipts on your spike?" }, { "id": 3131, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, I have a confession to make. When I raised my legs then, something happened which was unplanned… I released an unexpected but potent gust. I'd like to apologise in advance if it registers, because it is out there.", "dialogue": "Yes, I have a confession to make. When I raised my legs then, something happened which was unplanned… I released an unexpected but potent gust. I'd like to apologise in advance if it registers, because it is out there." }, { "id": 3132, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 58, "first_name": "Catherine", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Catherine" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look Alan, we understand if you're nervous.", "dialogue": "Look Alan, we understand if you're nervous." }, { "id": 3133, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "There's a receipt here for a cinema ticket for one to 'Shrek'.", "dialogue": "There's a receipt here for a cinema ticket for one to 'Shrek'." }, { "id": 3134, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Research, next question.", "dialogue": "Research, next question." }, { "id": 3135, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Seems to be on the same day, there's a receipt here for a pair of shoes from Dolcis in Dundee.", "dialogue": "Seems to be on the same day, there's a receipt here for a pair of shoes from Dolcis in Dundee." }, { "id": 3136, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I had no shoes. You can't go see 'Shrek' in your bare feet.", "dialogue": "Yeah, I had no shoes. You can't go see 'Shrek' in your bare feet." }, { "id": 3137, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 65, "first_name": "Monica", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Monica" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We've got a receipt here for a dressing gown, do you want to tell us about that?", "dialogue": "We've got a receipt here for a dressing gown, do you want to tell us about that?" }, { "id": 3138, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, can you hold these please?", "dialogue": "Yes, can you hold these please?" } ] }, { "id": 170, "title": "Alan steps outside of the static home to speak to John", "order_in_episode": 4, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3139, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right, Alan?", "dialogue": "All right, Alan?" }, { "id": 3140, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right… all right?", "dialogue": "All right… all right?" }, { "id": 3141, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "John.", "dialogue": "John." }, { "id": 3142, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "John, right. I always think of you as Bleachy Head because of your hair. Bleachy Head! I could throw myself off the top of you if I get depressed again! Just let off in a tax inspectress's face.", "dialogue": "John, right. I always think of you as Bleachy Head because of your hair. Bleachy Head! I could throw myself off the top of you if I get depressed again! Just let off in a tax inspectress's face." }, { "id": 3143, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Let off?", "dialogue": "Let off?" }, { "id": 3144, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "And it was mostly deliberate.", "dialogue": "And it was mostly deliberate." }, { "id": 3145, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you want one, Al?", "dialogue": "Do you want one, Al?" }, { "id": 3146, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No, I don't smoke. I'm one of the anti-cancer set. We're a dying breed. Well we're not, you are. I don't mean you've got cancer. Maybe you have. If you haven't, I apologise. If you have, please take the rest of the day off.", "dialogue": "No, I don't smoke. I'm one of the anti-cancer set. We're a dying breed. Well we're not, you are. I don't mean you've got cancer. Maybe you have. If you haven't, I apologise. If you have, please take the rest of the day off." }, { "id": 3147, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've not got cancer Alan.", "dialogue": "I've not got cancer Alan." }, { "id": 3148, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You can't be too careful. Testicular, that's the one. Always got to check for extra lumps.", "dialogue": "You can't be too careful. Testicular, that's the one. Always got to check for extra lumps." }, { "id": 3149, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Aye.", "dialogue": "Aye." }, { "id": 3150, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah. Some guys feel a bit uncomfortable about it, but I always say why not combine it with a scratch?", "dialogue": "Yeah. Some guys feel a bit uncomfortable about it, but I always say why not combine it with a scratch?" }, { "id": 3151, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Get your girlfriend to do it.", "dialogue": "Get your girlfriend to do it." }, { "id": 3152, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah! Yeah I've got a girlfriend, we were bonking like mad last night in the caravan.", "dialogue": "Yeah! Yeah I've got a girlfriend, we were bonking like mad last night in the caravan." }, { "id": 3153, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Getting down to it.", "dialogue": "Getting down to it." }, { "id": 3154, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We were yeah! I tell you what, if it weren't for the telescopic dampers on all four corners of the caravan, that place would have been wobbling like a very rude house. I say telescopic dampers, I mean rigid stays. How's the grouting coming on?", "dialogue": "We were yeah! I tell you what, if it weren't for the telescopic dampers on all four corners of the caravan, that place would have been wobbling like a very rude house. I say telescopic dampers, I mean rigid stays. How's the grouting coming on?" }, { "id": 3155, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, it's not, because we haven't decided on the tiles yet have we?", "dialogue": "Well, it's not, because we haven't decided on the tiles yet have we?" }, { "id": 3156, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All right, well just, er… just carry on building the house.", "dialogue": "All right, well just, er… just carry on building the house." }, { "id": 3157, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's that?", "dialogue": "What's that?" }, { "id": 3158, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's a tip, I panicked. Do declare it.", "dialogue": "It's a tip, I panicked. Do declare it." } ] }, { "id": 171, "title": "Alan is back in the static home to continue his discussions with the tax inspectors", "order_in_episode": 5, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3159, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sorry about that, just having a chinwag about cancer. It's a serious subject. I once found a lump under my arm. Awful. Turned out in the end it was just a knot in my vest.", "dialogue": "Sorry about that, just having a chinwag about cancer. It's a serious subject. I once found a lump under my arm. Awful. Turned out in the end it was just a knot in my vest." }, { "id": 3160, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hi Alan.", "dialogue": "Hi Alan." }, { "id": 3161, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh, she's here… Sonja what are you doing back?", "dialogue": "Oh, she's here… Sonja what are you doing back?" }, { "id": 3162, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I told Tomek to put his coffee shop up inside his ass.", "dialogue": "I told Tomek to put his coffee shop up inside his ass." }, { "id": 3163, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've just realised that I'm in a static home with three women. Just don't all go off to the toilet and talk about me behind my back because it really is too small. But it is a solid bog, the chemicals in that loo will dissolve a corpse.", "dialogue": "I've just realised that I'm in a static home with three women. Just don't all go off to the toilet and talk about me behind my back because it really is too small. But it is a solid bog, the chemicals in that loo will dissolve a corpse." }, { "id": 3164, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You tell tax people they won't find your money?", "dialogue": "You tell tax people they won't find your money?" }, { "id": 3165, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sonja, these are very important people.", "dialogue": "Sonja, these are very important people." }, { "id": 3166, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "She wears no make-up!", "dialogue": "She wears no make-up!" }, { "id": 3167, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's irrelevant. Excuse me. Do you want to go to prison? Do you? Do you want to go to prison?", "dialogue": "That's irrelevant. Excuse me. Do you want to go to prison? Do you? Do you want to go to prison?" }, { "id": 3168, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You tell me prison is very cushy. It's like holiday camps.", "dialogue": "You tell me prison is very cushy. It's like holiday camps." }, { "id": 3169, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I was making a point about something else.", "dialogue": "I was making a point about something else." }, { "id": 3170, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just go out and you say 'no, I don't pay, tax is rubbish'.", "dialogue": "Just go out and you say 'no, I don't pay, tax is rubbish'." }, { "id": 3171, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sonja, you are not the Chancellor of the Exchequer! You're my girlfriend! If you took over, the country would go to pot!", "dialogue": "Sonja, you are not the Chancellor of the Exchequer! You're my girlfriend! If you took over, the country would go to pot!" }, { "id": 3172, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You want me to be good little shut-up Sonja? Zip!", "dialogue": "You want me to be good little shut-up Sonja? Zip!" }, { "id": 3173, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Thank you. Oh, God! It's alright, it's OK, it's OK, it's OK. Oh, did you see all that? Ah, great, Lynn! The fat envelope! Not you, Lynn. I'm just gonna pop to the Choristers, Lynn will answer all of your questions. Bye!", "dialogue": "Thank you. Oh, God! It's alright, it's OK, it's OK, it's OK. Oh, did you see all that? Ah, great, Lynn! The fat envelope! Not you, Lynn. I'm just gonna pop to the Choristers, Lynn will answer all of your questions. Bye!" }, { "id": 3174, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 62, "first_name": "John", "last_name": null, "full_name": "John" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Where do you want these sockets Al?", "dialogue": "Where do you want these sockets Al?" }, { "id": 3175, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Two there, two there, one in the middle of the floor for the computer.", "dialogue": "Two there, two there, one in the middle of the floor for the computer." } ] }, { "id": 172, "title": "Alan is in Choristers, having a pint and talking to members in the bar", "order_in_episode": 6, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3176, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Forcing a dog to pull a man round all day. Not fair on either of them. Girlfriend's left me. Well, to be honest, I'm chuffed like mad. She weren't expecting that. I'm gonna get home tonight, I'm just gonna have a sandwich and watch Trevor McDonald. Thank you very much. Probably won't even brush my teeth. Sleep in my trousers. Yeah, some of the things me and my girlfriend do are pretty top-shelf. I mean, top-shelf in this country, not abroad. I don't want to see an erection. Unless it's in the mirror, right guys? Finished with the 'Daily Mail'? Cheers. Yeah, I think I'll go and read Simon Heffer on the veranda. Ain't no one gonna stop me.", "dialogue": "Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Forcing a dog to pull a man round all day. Not fair on either of them. Girlfriend's left me. Well, to be honest, I'm chuffed like mad. She weren't expecting that. I'm gonna get home tonight, I'm just gonna have a sandwich and watch Trevor McDonald. Thank you very much. Probably won't even brush my teeth. Sleep in my trousers. Yeah, some of the things me and my girlfriend do are pretty top-shelf. I mean, top-shelf in this country, not abroad. I don't want to see an erection. Unless it's in the mirror, right guys? Finished with the 'Daily Mail'? Cheers. Yeah, I think I'll go and read Simon Heffer on the veranda. Ain't no one gonna stop me." } ] }, { "id": 173, "title": "Alan visits Michael at the BP garage", "order_in_episode": 7, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3177, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't know what to do. We have it off all the time.", "dialogue": "I don't know what to do. We have it off all the time." }, { "id": 3178, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well at least it'll be an end to all that London crap, Big Ben teddy bears, and all that. You hate London.", "dialogue": "Well at least it'll be an end to all that London crap, Big Ben teddy bears, and all that. You hate London." }, { "id": 3179, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Oh yeah, but there is an upside. All those small taxis and little Tower Bridges sometimes make me feel like a giant. One day, when Sonja went out, I arranged them all on the floor, and I just marched around saying 'fee, fi, fo fum! I smell the blood of an ungrateful bunch of bastards'.", "dialogue": "Oh yeah, but there is an upside. All those small taxis and little Tower Bridges sometimes make me feel like a giant. One day, when Sonja went out, I arranged them all on the floor, and I just marched around saying 'fee, fi, fo fum! I smell the blood of an ungrateful bunch of bastards'." }, { "id": 3180, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "She's a good cook.", "dialogue": "She's a good cook." }, { "id": 3181, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "She does a fantastic full English breakfast. That's daft. A good English breakfast.", "dialogue": "She does a fantastic full English breakfast. That's daft. A good English breakfast." }, { "id": 3182, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Is she still making it too bunched up? With the egg…", "dialogue": "Is she still making it too bunched up? With the egg…" }, { "id": 3183, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Too close to the beans…", "dialogue": "Too close to the beans…" }, { "id": 3184, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Too close to the beans. When will they learn eh? Mind, she was sexy, she wore a G-strap.", "dialogue": "Too close to the beans. When will they learn eh? Mind, she was sexy, she wore a G-strap." }, { "id": 3185, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well, yes, that's for hygiene reasons too. It lets the buttocks breathe.", "dialogue": "Well, yes, that's for hygiene reasons too. It lets the buttocks breathe." }, { "id": 3186, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You don't know whether to wear it or floss your teeth with it!", "dialogue": "You don't know whether to wear it or floss your teeth with it!" }, { "id": 3187, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Or slice cheese with it!", "dialogue": "Or slice cheese with it!" }, { "id": 3188, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Or all three!", "dialogue": "Or all three!" }, { "id": 3189, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Now that's unhygienic. Problem is, I did have a girlfriend, now I haven't got one anymore. What am I going to do?", "dialogue": "Now that's unhygienic. Problem is, I did have a girlfriend, now I haven't got one anymore. What am I going to do?" }, { "id": 3190, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Get yourself another!", "dialogue": "Get yourself another!" }, { "id": 3191, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No chance, British?", "dialogue": "No chance, British?" }, { "id": 3192, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, I've called the police.", "dialogue": "Alan, I've called the police." }, { "id": 3193, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What for?", "dialogue": "What for?" }, { "id": 3194, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I thought it was best.", "dialogue": "I thought it was best." }, { "id": 3195, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "She'll turn up one way or the other.", "dialogue": "She'll turn up one way or the other." }, { "id": 3196, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "This isn't 'Silent Witness'.", "dialogue": "This isn't 'Silent Witness'." }, { "id": 3197, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello.", "dialogue": "Hello." }, { "id": 3198, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sonja!", "dialogue": "Sonja!" }, { "id": 3199, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Where have you been?", "dialogue": "Where have you been?" }, { "id": 3200, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I buy another present for Alan, guess what I buy.", "dialogue": "I buy another present for Alan, guess what I buy." }, { "id": 3201, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I don't know, a bear dressed as a beefeater.", "dialogue": "I don't know, a bear dressed as a beefeater." }, { "id": 3202, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes! And then I went back to caravan and chucked out the tax woman.", "dialogue": "Yes! And then I went back to caravan and chucked out the tax woman." }, { "id": 3203, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Lovely stuff.", "dialogue": "Lovely stuff." }, { "id": 3204, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Did you buy me a present to say sorry for being cross to me?", "dialogue": "Did you buy me a present to say sorry for being cross to me?" }, { "id": 3205, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, I did… and I'll just go and get it. There we go, it's a video by the West Country comedian Jethro, and it's signed by Bono.", "dialogue": "Yes, I did… and I'll just go and get it. There we go, it's a video by the West Country comedian Jethro, and it's signed by Bono." }, { "id": 3206, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Do you know Bono?!", "dialogue": "Do you know Bono?!" }, { "id": 3207, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes I do.", "dialogue": "Yes I do." }, { "id": 3208, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He's big friends with Bono he tell me.", "dialogue": "He's big friends with Bono he tell me." }, { "id": 3209, "line_number": 33, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "When did you get him to sign that then?", "dialogue": "When did you get him to sign that then?" }, { "id": 3210, "line_number": 34, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "When I was round at his house with Jethro.", "dialogue": "When I was round at his house with Jethro." }, { "id": 3211, "line_number": 35, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You've been to Bono's house?", "dialogue": "You've been to Bono's house?" }, { "id": 3212, "line_number": 36, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes I have.", "dialogue": "Yes I have." }, { "id": 3213, "line_number": 37, "character": { "id": 3, "first_name": "Michael", "last_name": "the Geordie", "full_name": "Michael the Geordie" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Bollocks! You don't know Bono.", "dialogue": "Bollocks! You don't know Bono." }, { "id": 3214, "line_number": 38, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I do know Bono.", "dialogue": "I do know Bono." }, { "id": 3215, "line_number": 39, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You take me to Bono's house.", "dialogue": "You take me to Bono's house." }, { "id": 3216, "line_number": 40, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You want to go to Bono's house? OK, we'll go to Bono's house, but you'll look stupid. Thanks you two, for dropping me right in it! Put these on the tab.", "dialogue": "You want to go to Bono's house? OK, we'll go to Bono's house, but you'll look stupid. Thanks you two, for dropping me right in it! Put these on the tab." } ] }, { "id": 174, "title": "Alan is with Sonja in the car, heading to Bono's house", "order_in_episode": 8, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3217, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Alan, you don't remember where is Bono's house?", "dialogue": "Alan, you don't remember where is Bono's house?" }, { "id": 3218, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I will remember. The last time I was there I took some pot and I was briefly mindless. And as I say he has a huge dog and he may well be drunk and unleash it because normally I ring ahead.", "dialogue": "I will remember. The last time I was there I took some pot and I was briefly mindless. And as I say he has a huge dog and he may well be drunk and unleash it because normally I ring ahead." }, { "id": 3219, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I am not scared to dogs.", "dialogue": "I am not scared to dogs." }, { "id": 3220, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Well you should be because these are more like fat horses. You'll either look thick or it'll have your hands and feet off before Bono can whistle it to stop.", "dialogue": "Well you should be because these are more like fat horses. You'll either look thick or it'll have your hands and feet off before Bono can whistle it to stop." }, { "id": 3221, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What sort of dog is that?", "dialogue": "What sort of dog is that?" }, { "id": 3222, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The sort of dog the Nazis used to chase Steve McQueen. They're trained and very right-wing. This is Bono's house, eureka. Those spiky trees I think are Joshua trees.", "dialogue": "The sort of dog the Nazis used to chase Steve McQueen. They're trained and very right-wing. This is Bono's house, eureka. Those spiky trees I think are Joshua trees." } ] }, { "id": 175, "title": "Alan pulls up at a National Trust country house, pretending it's Bono's house", "order_in_episode": 9, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3223, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who are all these cars?", "dialogue": "Who are all these cars?" }, { "id": 3224, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "These are all Bono's.", "dialogue": "These are all Bono's." }, { "id": 3225, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "All these cars?", "dialogue": "All these cars?" }, { "id": 3226, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, he's got the biggest collection of… hatchbacks in the country. Bono! Bono! Well, this is it, this is where the idiot lives. Lovely pictures up there of lads with big hair. Henry VIII. He was a shit. Bono? Nah, he's not here. Do you fancy a curry?", "dialogue": "Yeah, he's got the biggest collection of… hatchbacks in the country. Bono! Bono! Well, this is it, this is where the idiot lives. Lovely pictures up there of lads with big hair. Henry VIII. He was a shit. Bono? Nah, he's not here. Do you fancy a curry?" }, { "id": 3227, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "No I want to see.", "dialogue": "No I want to see." }, { "id": 3228, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "OK.", "dialogue": "OK." }, { "id": 3229, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, this is Bono's bedroom, I'm not sure if he's in. Bono? No, he's not. He likes to lie there, though, with the 'Sunday Express', and the biggest bowl of Alpen you've ever seen. Massive it is.", "dialogue": "Yes, this is Bono's bedroom, I'm not sure if he's in. Bono? No, he's not. He likes to lie there, though, with the 'Sunday Express', and the biggest bowl of Alpen you've ever seen. Massive it is." }, { "id": 3230, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's the name of a U2 album?", "dialogue": "What's the name of a U2 album?" }, { "id": 3231, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Joshua Tree?", "dialogue": "Joshua Tree?" }, { "id": 3232, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes, I knew that, because he composed half of it over there. And the other half… over there.", "dialogue": "Yes, I knew that, because he composed half of it over there. And the other half… over there." }, { "id": 3233, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "These people are friends of Bono?", "dialogue": "These people are friends of Bono?" }, { "id": 3234, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Still on that are we?", "dialogue": "Still on that are we?" }, { "id": 3235, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Why the red rope everywhere, and the plastic fruit?", "dialogue": "Why the red rope everywhere, and the plastic fruit?" }, { "id": 3236, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The man is mentally ill. I've seen him eat a plastic pie.", "dialogue": "The man is mentally ill. I've seen him eat a plastic pie." }, { "id": 3237, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "But in normal house you don't have 40 tables all the same.", "dialogue": "But in normal house you don't have 40 tables all the same." } ] }, { "id": 176, "title": "Lynn turns up with one of her friends from church, pretending to be Bono", "order_in_episode": 10, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3238, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The very fact that you're questioning my – my – my… my God.", "dialogue": "The very fact that you're questioning my – my – my… my God." }, { "id": 3239, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Hello Alan, good news.", "dialogue": "Hello Alan, good news." }, { "id": 3240, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You got my text then?", "dialogue": "You got my text then?" }, { "id": 3241, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": "to Bono", "text": "Hello, Bono, have a seat. How's The Edge?", "dialogue": "Hello, Bono, have a seat. How's The Edge?" }, { "id": 3242, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The Edge is fine.", "dialogue": "The Edge is fine." }, { "id": 3243, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How's Adam Clayton?", "dialogue": "How's Adam Clayton?" }, { "id": 3244, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Adam Clayton is fine.", "dialogue": "Adam Clayton is fine." }, { "id": 3245, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How's, urm, the drummer?", "dialogue": "How's, urm, the drummer?" }, { "id": 3246, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "The drummer is fine.", "dialogue": "The drummer is fine." }, { "id": 3247, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "When did you last see the gang?", "dialogue": "When did you last see the gang?" }, { "id": 3248, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I saw them last Thursday at a pop concert.", "dialogue": "I saw them last Thursday at a pop concert." }, { "id": 3249, "line_number": 12, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Who were playing?", "dialogue": "Who were playing?" }, { "id": 3250, "line_number": 13, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We were.", "dialogue": "We were." }, { "id": 3251, "line_number": 14, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I didn't see that advertised, you should sack your PR people.", "dialogue": "I didn't see that advertised, you should sack your PR people." }, { "id": 3252, "line_number": 15, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "We have.", "dialogue": "We have." }, { "id": 3253, "line_number": 16, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Good.", "dialogue": "Good." }, { "id": 3254, "line_number": 17, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "How long you live in house?", "dialogue": "How long you live in house?" }, { "id": 3255, "line_number": 18, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Since the '80s. Blickling Hall was built by Sir Henry Hobart. The Jacobean house is built on the site of a late medieval predecessor.", "dialogue": "Since the '80s. Blickling Hall was built by Sir Henry Hobart. The Jacobean house is built on the site of a late medieval predecessor." }, { "id": 3256, "line_number": 19, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He is not Bono, he is rubbish.", "dialogue": "He is not Bono, he is rubbish." }, { "id": 3257, "line_number": 20, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He is isn't he. Lynn, are those your mother's cataract glasses?", "dialogue": "He is isn't he. Lynn, are those your mother's cataract glasses?" }, { "id": 3258, "line_number": 21, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes they are.", "dialogue": "Yes they are." }, { "id": 3259, "line_number": 22, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What's your name?", "dialogue": "What's your name?" }, { "id": 3260, "line_number": 23, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Andrew.", "dialogue": "Andrew." }, { "id": 3261, "line_number": 24, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Andrew, who is, I'm guessing, a friend of Lynn's from the Baptist church?", "dialogue": "Andrew, who is, I'm guessing, a friend of Lynn's from the Baptist church?" }, { "id": 3262, "line_number": 25, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yes that's right.", "dialogue": "Yes that's right." }, { "id": 3263, "line_number": 26, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "What do I owe you for your trouble Andrew?", "dialogue": "What do I owe you for your trouble Andrew?" }, { "id": 3264, "line_number": 27, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Just a contribution for the church.", "dialogue": "Just a contribution for the church." }, { "id": 3265, "line_number": 28, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "A fiver?", "dialogue": "A fiver?" }, { "id": 3266, "line_number": 29, "character": { "id": 2, "first_name": "Lynn", "last_name": "Benfield", "full_name": "Lynn Benfield" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "30?", "dialogue": "30?" }, { "id": 3267, "line_number": 30, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "30?!", "dialogue": "30?!" }, { "id": 3268, "line_number": 31, "character": { "id": 54, "first_name": "Andrew", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Andrew" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's very generous.", "dialogue": "That's very generous." }, { "id": 3269, "line_number": 32, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I've been ambushed! There you go. Help yourself to a scone. You're probably sick of canteen food from being on tour… I forgot, you're not Bono.", "dialogue": "I've been ambushed! There you go. Help yourself to a scone. You're probably sick of canteen food from being on tour… I forgot, you're not Bono." } ] }, { "id": 177, "title": "Alan is back at the static home with Sonja", "order_in_episode": 11, "image_url": null, "lines": [ { "id": 3270, "line_number": 1, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Yeah, I've changed my mind about Excalibur Cottage. I think I'll just call it 'Ye house'. I've killed a bear! Who is he?", "dialogue": "Yeah, I've changed my mind about Excalibur Cottage. I think I'll just call it 'Ye house'. I've killed a bear! Who is he?" }, { "id": 3271, "line_number": 2, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He's a second-hand bargain beefeater bear.", "dialogue": "He's a second-hand bargain beefeater bear." }, { "id": 3272, "line_number": 3, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Sonja, beefeaters do not live in caravans! They live in the Tower of London and they are restaurants.", "dialogue": "Sonja, beefeaters do not live in caravans! They live in the Tower of London and they are restaurants." }, { "id": 3273, "line_number": 4, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "He is brilliant present!", "dialogue": "He is brilliant present!" }, { "id": 3274, "line_number": 5, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's not an appropriate gift for a man approaching 50! It's too big! How did you get it here?", "dialogue": "It's not an appropriate gift for a man approaching 50! It's too big! How did you get it here?" }, { "id": 3275, "line_number": 6, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "On the bus.", "dialogue": "On the bus." }, { "id": 3276, "line_number": 7, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "You took that on the bus? Sonja anyone who knows us might have thought it was me inside there. Me wearing a bear costume. They'd think I'd lost it again.", "dialogue": "You took that on the bus? Sonja anyone who knows us might have thought it was me inside there. Me wearing a bear costume. They'd think I'd lost it again." }, { "id": 3277, "line_number": 8, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "It's very nice.", "dialogue": "It's very nice." }, { "id": 3278, "line_number": 9, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "Look I'm sorry, I'm sorry. When I've calmed down I'll kiss him better where I stabbed him. Just, next to his thorax, he'll be fine. I'll make it up to you. Tomorrow is your day. You can do whatever you want, anything you like.", "dialogue": "Look I'm sorry, I'm sorry. When I've calmed down I'll kiss him better where I stabbed him. Just, next to his thorax, he'll be fine. I'll make it up to you. Tomorrow is your day. You can do whatever you want, anything you like." }, { "id": 3279, "line_number": 10, "character": { "id": 23, "first_name": "Sonja", "last_name": null, "full_name": "Sonja" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "I want to go to London.", "dialogue": "I want to go to London." }, { "id": 3280, "line_number": 11, "character": { "id": 1, "first_name": "Alan", "last_name": "Partridge", "full_name": "Alan Partridge" }, "custom_character_name": null, "text": "That's fine.", "dialogue": "That's fine." } ] } ], "links": { "self": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/api/v1/episodes/im-alan-partridge/series-2/episode-5-i-know-what-alan-did-last-summer.json", "web": "https://alanpartridgescripts.co.uk/im-alan-partridge/series-2/episode-5-i-know-what-alan-did-last-summer" } } }